Recovering after ectopic surgery

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1

Hi everyone,

I had laproscopic ectopic surgery exactly one week ago today.

Physically it has been really hard. I had such painful bleeding in the last couple of days which the gynae team didn’t tell me to expect (but then again, their communication was generally terrible). It’s felt like the most painful period of my life and I had to keep taking codeine for it and passed a lot of womb lining.

That’s now settled and I guess now the emotions are more prominent. I’m still in bed a lot even though I’m physically ok to be honest. I’m off work the rest of the week which I’m glad of but I feel guilty and lazy in a way.

A big part of me doesn’t want to move on. I want to carry on grieving the little being I was growing. I want to stay in bed binge watching tv. I don’t want to move into the time after the ectopic yet. My bed has become this safe cocoon where I cry and watch succession and then cry again.

Does that make sense?

I’ve been thinking about whether to commemorate it in any way. We are thinking of saving the pregnancy test I took, I was wondering about writing it a letter too. Anyone got any ideas? I don’t know if these things will help at all.

Does crying help? Because I can do a lot of that.

Thank you. For being here on this site. For reading and listening. It’s places like this which make me feel better about the world. X

Also - side note - I haven’t showered yet, just been doing sink washes. The glue will be ok to shower today right? I think it’s time…

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I’m so sorry for your loss, it’s heartbreaking

I totally understand what you mean. I seem to have the same thought about leaving the house. I seem to have made home feel my safe place and hate stepping out the door.

I kept my pregnancy test, I bought a lovely wooden box from Etsy. It’s just got a simple angle wings on. I feel it’s given me some comfort knowing it’s there and having it in something.

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That’s comforting to know you feel the same. Are you starting to feel better about leaving the house with time? I’ve decided tomorrow I’m going to bake a cake so I’ll go to the shops to get things. I don’t want to drive but there are some shops I can walk to.

I love the box idea. That is so lovely - thank you. I am going to do that x

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Dear ljmp,

I am so sorry hear of your ectopic pregnancy loss,

Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy is a huge ordeal and you are in the early stages of recovery. Your body needs time to heal from your surgery which is in itself a gruelling task. You have also had to process the loss of your baby and been through an immense rollercoaster of emotions - all of this will take time to come to terms with.

You should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body’s signals and pain and feeling tired are your body’s signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.

It should be fine for you to shower now, I would just advice against soaking in a bath until all sounds are healed.

Please be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve,and to heal both physically and emotionally.

We will be here for you for as long as you need,

Sending much love,

Karen x

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5

Yes slowly I’ve been trying to push myself day by day to leave the house, even if it’s just to walk to the bottom of the street.

I find nights the worst time, my mind goes into an overdrive and can’t stop thinking about everything that’s happened

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That’s good. I’m sure in time it will get easier and you’ll start making bigger trips out without even thinking about it.

I’m worse in the mornings at the moment. I’m not back at work yet and finding it really hard to get out of bed and I’m more tearful in the mornings too.

At night could you make a calming routine for yourself or find a book to read?

X

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I hope you are doing well, now that it’s a few weeks since your post. I’ve just had surgery for an ectopic pregnancy (my first pregnancy) about 5 days ago and yesterday experienced the severe cramping and bleeding you spoke of.

I didn’t expect it also and it was really the worst pain of my life. I’ve been moving around a bit and trying not to think of what this means for my childbearing future. I have great support of family and friends so holding on to that for strength. I hope now things are better for you.

I find that I do want to leave the house but not ready for work at all.

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Hi Novia

I’m so sorry re your recent ectopic pregnancy and operation. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever been through and coming home and having pain like that just feels so unfair. It was also my first pregnancy, so I know how disappointing and scary that is too.

The pain only lasted a few days for me so I hope that is some comfort to you. I think the pain is your body pushing out the womb lining it no longer needs so it is doing the right thing so your cycle can return to normal. Do you have good painkillers? They gave me codeine which I took on top of paracetamol and ibuprofen.

Also using a hot water bottle really helped me. It will pass.

And I want to tell you how much better I feel now. It’s been nearly three weeks since the surgery. I went back to work last week because I work part time and work were so lovely and supportive, and the distraction actually helped me.

And then I actually started tracking my LH and I think I ovulated this weekend which is so cool to see the body goes back to normal quickly. I hope this happens for you too.

The week and a half following ectopic was so hard for me and I cried every day. I found journaling helped and I even wrote a letter to the unborn baby to comemmerate them. Let yourself grieve and be sad - it’s all part of the process. Spend time with family and friends. Tell people about what you’ve been through if you’re comfortable - I found everyone was so kind and it was nice having the attention!

Time will heal, your body will reset. In terms of fertility it doesn’t actually have as much of an impact as you would expect, because amazingly the other fallopian tube will move round to collect the egg from the other side if you ovulate there.

I am sending you hugs, please just look after yourself and take the time you need to recover. From the other side of this, my experience is that your body and mind will, in time xxx

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Completely feel your pain. I too felt like I didn’t want to do anything, I couldn’t be bothered talking to even my closest friends I just wanted to be home with my family. What I will say is those days got less as time went on. I took 4 weeks off work before I felt ready to go back.

We decided to plant some forget me not seeds that the hospital gave us, I check on them every day they are just starting to sprout, this kind of brings me some weird happiness seeing them grow. Sounds mad I know.

Don’t rush your recovery the body heals quicker than the heart :heart:

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That is so beautiful! It doesn’t sound mad at all. I hope those forget me nots keep growing. And also that you keep healing, and that if you want to - you get another chance again :two_hearts: