Hi,
I’ve just found out (2 days ago) that I’m pregnant again after ectopic and left tube removal in February.
I knew this was going to be scary, and that I’d be anxious about the possible outcomes, especially the thought of another ectopic happening. However, I’m shocked just how difficult I am finding it to come to terms with. I guess I thought that the excitement/hope of seeing the positive test would outweigh the fear, but I just feel so terrified.
I’ve had quite bad (although thankfully not constant) abdominal pains for the last week which is really freaking me out. In my head I know that the likelihood is that it’s down to adhesions and nothing to worry about, but my brain just won’t stop catastrophising about the possibility that it’s another ectopic (or a miscarriage). I suffer from quite severe anxiety anyway, but this is really tipping me over the edge. I can’t seem to eat, sleep or concentrate on much, and I keep finding that I am unable to stop myself breaking down into tears. I’m feeling really hormonal as well, which I think is making it all the more extreme.
I’m not sure what I’m hoping to gain from posting on here. I guess I just wanted to vent somewhere where people will understand. My therapist is away on holiday and I won’t see her til next week, I also have a gp appointment on Monday, and I suppose I could use a bit of support in the meantime. My husband is amazing but he’s only human and my anxiety is making him anxious too, which in turn makes him irritable and then he says all the wrong things, so there is a limit to the support he can give me. He is also very excited about the pregnancy and seems disappointed that I can’t get excited too, but I’m only trying to protect myself by not getting my hopes up until (fingers crossed) we get a bit further along and know that it is in the right place and seems healthy.
To top it off, my husband’s brother and his wife had a little girl a few weeks ago, which they have (unintentionally) given the exact name we wanted to name our daughter (if we had a girl). As its my husband’s brother, she even has our surname, so I am constantly being reminded of what we lost earlier this year, and it makes my heart hurt every time someone tells me what a beautiful name my new niece has 
I am still so sad about our first loss, I’m terrified of how hard it will be to cope if this one doesn’t make it either.
Sorry for the hormonal rant and thanks for reading it if you’ve made it this far!
Pie x x