Questioning

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1

Hi all,

Apologies first of all for my serial posting. I feel very alone right now, and not entirely sure who else to turn to.

I had a 13 day process from discovery of my ectopic pregnancy through methotrexate to surgery because of rupture, and I am now 6 days post op. I was told that the EP was fimbrial, and I find myself asking why they had to remove the whole tube if it was at the end of it. I find myself searching the internet for stories of other women who have been Through this. I am desperately trying to understand what happened in my surgery and wish I had stayed in hospital another day to talk to the surgeon who operated on me to find out what happened. I want to know why there is no research that I can find as to why the ectopic pregnancy cannot be relocated into the womb - if an embryo can be removed from a petrie dish into a womb why can’t it be taken from one part of the body and put into another?

I am questioning everything. Did the antibiotics I took the week before I found out I was pregnant cause this (I know it’s highly unlikely)? Or was it that I got drunk and had a cigarette?

I am questioning if I made the right decision to allow them to operate. I’m questioning how I drive, what I’m eating, the work I do, the programmes I watch on TV. I’m questioning every single thing I do in my life because I no longer have any confidence in anything I’m doing. I’m questioning why I’m not crying more. Wondering why I’m still here. Why am I still functioning?

My brain won’t turn off.

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Dear Dubnat,

Please never apologise for posting on this site, we all understand what you are going through and will be here for you for as long as you need.

I know that when I had my ectopic pregnancy I also looked for a reason and almost automatically we tend to blame ourselves. From the bottom of my heart, there is nothing you could have done to prevent the ectopic pregnancy from happening. I cannot emphasise enough - you are not to blame. Please be kind to yourself and I send you gentle hugs.

If you have questions regarding your surgery, your GP will be sent a discharge letter outlining your time in hospital your surgery and it would be worth making an appointment to discuss this. It is often helpful to take a list of questions, so we remember to ask everything that is important to us.

I too struggled emotionally following my ectopic pregnancy, I plucked up the courage to speak to my GP and was referred for counselling sessions. I found it so helpful to talk to someone who didn’t know me and was just prepared to listen without judging. During these sessions I learnt that whilst we will never forget our pregnancy or babies, we can learn to accept what has happened and crucially understand that it wasn’t our fault.

We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can, helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there’s no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask me any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We’ll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for “talking therapies” or counselling. We have information on our website about finding counselling services

The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

Thank you Valig also for your kind words,

Sending much love,

Karen x

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?

Further information is available at www.ectopic.org.uk

Email us at ept@ectopic.org.uk.

Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.