Preparing myself mentally to TTC after my ectopic

Preparing For Your Next Pregnancy
1

It’s been 8 weeks since I had an ruptured right tubal ectopic. So far physically I think everything is going ok my scars have healed from my surgery. I’ve had 2 regular periods that have happened 28 days apart. So I’m happy that my body is healing really well.

I know I have another month to go until physically I can start trying again but now I’m starting to question myself am I ready to try again. Unfortunately my ectopic happened to my first pregnancy and I’m devastated about it. As I don’t personally know yet that my body can have a healthy pregnancy yet. This makes it hard for me as I really struggle to reassure myself that everything is going to be ok when I carry on with my journey to conceiving. I have nothing yet to say that I’m going to be ok and that really scares me. If I already had children I would probably never try again after my recent ectopic. It was a traumatic experience from getting told I was having a threatened miscarriage to getting told a couple of weeks later my pregnancy was a ruptured ectopic that if I didn’t have surgery I could of died.

But I really want to have children, I would be happy if I just had one healthy pregnancy. I would be fulfilled with one pregnancy. But I’m conflicted I know I have another month yet. I really want to try as I don’t want to wait too long as I’m 30 now it don’t want to put this off too long. But mentally I don’t know if I’m ready to try again yet.

How do you prepare yourself mentally to try again?

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Dear MH92,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy loss. My first pregnancy was also ectopic and I completely I understand the fear of trying to conceive again. It is normal to feel anxious about the future. We experience a mix of emotions from wanting to try again to being petrified of what may lie ahead. We never forget our babies, but we can learn to accept what happened. It is a slow process that might be weeks or months ahead. In time, we can get to a place where we feel comfortable trying again. When this is, is individual for each person. There is no timeframe for recovery, take each day as it comes.

Importantly early scans avail. As soon as you know you are pregnant, contact your local EPU to inform them and book in for an early scan at around six weeks. Remind them of your previous ectopic pregnancy. This self refer route is the best route in our view. Hopefully you will have some comfort to know you are under the radar of medical professionals right away.

The chances of a further ectopic after a first in UK is 10%. So that’s 90% chance of the embryo being in right place next time. While generally it is possible to conceive after an ectopic pregnancy, the amount of time it takes varies from couple to couple. Factors include age, general health, reproductive health and how often you have sex, among other things. It may be comforting to know that 65% of women are successfully pregnant within 18 months of experiencing an ectopic pregnancy and some studies suggest this rises to around 85% after two years.

Importantly, help is available if conceiving naturally has not yet been successful after some time trying - and the EPT advises that women under 35 should seek medical advice following 12 months trying to conceive and those over 35 should seek advice after 6 months.

Making the decision to begin trying to conceive is an emotional rollercoaster compounded by our sad loss. Again, you are not alone. We here emotional support whenever you need us.

Sending much love,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

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Making the decision to begin trying to conceive is an emotional rollercoaster compounded by our sad loss. Again, you are not alone. We here emotional support whenever you need us.

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Hi MH92,

Firstly I am so sorry for your loss, of baby and your tube. That must have been a terrifying experience, filled with trauma.

I can’t give advice, but I’m here with you for support. I had MTX injection to manage my ectopic, currently still technically ‘pregnant’ and it’s been 35 days. For MTX you have to wait 90 days before trying again (27th Feb marked in my diary). I can tell you I am NOT mentally ready to go through this again, at all. But I am also 30 (31 a month today!) and we are getting married June 24 so I kind of need to be pregnant by May this year or we’ll have to wait until after wedding, I’ll be 32 by then! I feel like time is totally against me and the stress I’m putting myself under is probably not conducive to a successful conception :frowning:

This was also our first baby, my 12 week scab would have been in 3 days, we would have told our families at Christmas and I would have had the baby in July 23, a whole year to adapt to motherhood and lose the pregnancy weight. But it wasn’t meant to be :frowning:

I am here if you ever want to chat some more, I think we have a whirlwind 2023 ahead of us, baby dust to us both :heart:

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Hi MH92, and Elephant+1,

Firstly I’m so sorry to both of you, and sending warm hugs.

I have just experienced the same as you both: a ruptured tubal ectopic and surgery to remove. I am also 30 years old, and absolutely terrified that this could happen again on the other side.

It is all very fresh for me, as I only had surgery on Thursday. I’m just wondering how you are getting on, and if you’re feeling mentally stronger after some weeks to heal?

I’m looking for light at the end of the tunnel but it feels difficult right now.

Hoping you’re all well, and wishing successful pregnancy to us all x

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Hi MH92,

I am so sorry for your loss, sending you my love.

Yes, I am feeling mentally much better, I am OK around babies and other pregnant people now too (although the latter is still a little tough!) I was waiting for therapy and I’ve been booked in on Thursday this week but I kind of feel like I don’t need it now?

At the time I thought I could never go through anything as painful or traumatic again but I am so proud of myself for coming out the other side of that mindset with such positivity and acceptance. Really surprised myself! I am currently ovulating and we are trying again for a baby (honestly didn’t think I’d be ready this soon!) this time it is meant to be! I know it!

I hope you’re ok, everyone takes different journeys on both physical and mental recovery and we all have ups and downs. I wish you a speedy recovery and if you ever want to talk, I’m here! Xxx