Hi everyone, after two long years of trying with three miscarriages (one early, one missed, and one ectopic that went on forever), we are finally pregnant again with a beautiful healthy little girl. But something I am really struggling with is all the other pregnancy announcements that are coming from (what feels like) literally everywhere. Friends who never wanted a baby, friends who weren’t trying, friends who were pregnant on the first go, friends who have been trying for a while, all seem to be coming out of the woodworks announcing their pregnancies and I am really struggling to be genuinely happy for them, is this a common feeling?
My ectopic experience was one of the worst times of my life, it was continuously worst case after worst case scenario, so I have been really looking forward to the happy and special moment when I could tell friends and family I was pregnant, and that everything was going great! But I have actually felt a bit bombarded by “Oh me too” and “such and such is due then too”, I feel like ‘just one of the bunch’ and it feels like the significance of this pregnancy is often missed by others that are important to me who pregnancy came to easily or who have never seen someone struggle for a long time.
Has anyone else had this experience?
Hi Mia Rose,
Congratulations on your pregnancy! That’s such great news and gives hope to those ones of us who are still trying to get a healthy pregnancy. I had an ectopic 9 months ago and last week I had an chemical pregnancy. I’m 33 years old.
I understand how you feel, but I think those negative thoughts are mental traps that we all go through and they don’t help us but makes us feel worse. It’s normal to feel sad for what happened to you, but don’t let those feelings lead your mind and your life. For me it was hard but at the end I am accepting that this is my life, that I need to be strong and patient, and that my family and husband will love me no matter what happens. And pray and hope that I will get a healthy pregnancy anytime soon and that I will be safe. I feel scared and frustrated sometimes, and then I talk to my family and I feel OK. That’s the most important thing. Don’t take too seriously what people say. They don’t know as we don’t know why this is happening. So their opinion is just an opinion, not a truth. I guess thst writing this message to you I’m also conforting myself, hehe. But I really believe on what I’m saying and helps me. I hope it’s helps you too.
Again, congrats for your pregnancy
Hi Mia Rose,
I’m so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss. The experience can feel very isolating, especially when no-one around us has also experienced the situation. Ectopic pregnancy is still not one that is commonly experienced and I too have found that people do not always know what it has entailed. I have had feelings similar to yours when people have expressed the ease of or the accidental pregnancy. However, what I have come to realize that is that my experience with ectopic might be of value to the next women who suffers one. While I will know that my journey wasn’t easy, I also know that my experience can be shared. For me, I’m hopeful that in sharing our own stories that next generations of women will know about ectopics and speak about them more than was the case when I had mine.
You might try speaking about your situation within those settings. I have found both good and bad experiences in those cases. Sometimes people have been receptive, other times I feel like my story brings down the mood. More importantly, sharing has been a process of recovery for me and for my mental wellbeing - claiming the experience I’ve been through. When you aren’t feeling seen for your experience and anytime, please know these boards are here for you.
With good wishes,
Michele
The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
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Hi Mia Rose,
I feel the same. I’m only just 8 weeks and really struggling with everything after three losses 2 miscarriages and an ectopic. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat (feeling sick), I don’t want to tell people anything, I’m constantly fearful to “jinx” anything or that something can happen at anytime.
Then you get people just so boastfully putting scan photos and bump photos. I’m avoiding social media as much as I can and deleting everyone that’s pregnant or posting that kind of stuff. It’s so hard to see sometimes it’s almost a jealously for me I feel like it’s so ugly of me but I can’t just be happy for most of these careless people just pushing it in peoples faces when they have no idea of what people go through.
I really want to make people aware how hard it is for other people who have lost babies and pregnancies but I don’t want to share my story with everyone.
It all just so so so hard. There’s not many places to turn either is there. Thank god for this charity and this forum.
Emily x
Thanks for your message Emily. I feel you! It’s a hard whirlwind l, especially in the early days when hormones are raging, morning sickness is hitting you, and emotions from previous losses are constant being triggered. It’s hard to feel happy (even though you are!) and hard to believe it’s really going to work out. I remember being so panicked that I was testing everyday just to remind myself it was real (thankfully I had a heap of cheap tests) and would have severe anxiety if I didn’t.
But there is hope! We have yet to hold our baby girl, but I’ve found slowly passing milestones I never got to with the others is putting me more and more at peace. I still want to wrap myself in a little bubble and hide from everyone some days but it does get better.
Like you, I have found blocking others with pregnancies on social media to be really helpful, to just focus on my own experience and stop the comparing/constant in your face ‘pregnancy bliss’. I’m usually a really positive person and know that jealous thoughts aren’t helpful, but others pregnancies really trigger me! Thanks for sharing your story and letting me know I’m not alone! 