I’m pregnant for the third time. Last year I had a MMC, discovered at 11/5. And in November I was rushed to hospital with an ectopic pregnancy also at 11/5.
I’m currently 4/4. I have an early scan booked for next week to check that it isn’t another ectopic, but I have to go to the emergency gynae ward. The ward where I was told of both pregnancy losses. It has a tiny, claustrophobic waiting room, I don’t know how I’m going to sit in that room and wait (they never run on time). Just the thought of going there makes me cry. It feels like it’s the place you go for bad news.
I know I have to go, it’s the responsible thing to do, if it’s ectopic again it can be medically managed if caught early enough. Last time I was 11/5 and needed surgery and spent a week in hospital. So, it’s the right thing to do. I’m scared though. What if it’s another ectopic? What if I lose my remaining tube?
I keep telling myself that I’m pregnant until told otherwise, everything is fine, until told otherwise. I even bought my baby a little gift yesterday, I know it sounds daft, but I have to be positive. I’ll never get to be the excited, naive mum-to-be that I was with my first pregnancy, but I want to enjoy the experience. I’m 42 and this might be my only child.
I’m sorry to hear of your previous losses and for the horrible situation you’re in where you have to go back to the same place you received bad news before. I’m haven’t (yet) reached the “early scan in next pregnancy” point, but I imagine it’s nerve-wracking enough without the extra difficulties of the upsetting memories it brings back for you. You’re right though, it is the sensible and responsible thing to do because if you get the worst news hopefully it can be managed early and your tube saved, and it is just possible you get wonderful news that allows you to relax and enjoy pregnancy a bit more knowing one of the previous difficulties isn’t something you need to worry about.
As for the “what ifs” - “what if it’s ectopic again? What if I lose a tube?” I find the question is often much scarier than the answer… ie, “what if I lose the other tube?” Feels scary, but the answer? - “Well, that would be rubbish, and I really don’t want that to be the case, but I can’t change where my baby is growing and by going for the early scan I’m doing all I can to save my tube. If I lose it, I will have to look at my options and consider other ways to be a mother, or ways to be happy with not, but that’s a bridge that I don’t know if I need to cross right now, so worrying about crossing it is worry that I don’t need to be doing. Right now all I know is that I am pregnant and by facing the horrible waiting room I’m doing all I can to make sure this and/or future babies pull through”.
Finally, I wanted to thank you for posting. I’m still only a few weeks post-surgery, but have been struggling to verbalise the sense of loss I’m feeling. I’d only known I was pregnant for 2 weeks before I lost my tube so I hadn’t had as long as other people here to bond with their baby so the loss for me wasn’t of my unborn child, my loss was that sense you expressed so well - “I’ll never get to be the excited, naive mum-to-be that I was”. The whirlwind, the hopes, the excitement for us will always be tinged with those “what ifs” and the thoughts of the baby/ies that weren’t meant to be. You helped me identify where my grief was coming from, so thank you for sharing.
I’ll keep my fingers crossed the scan and the horrible waiting room bring you good news. X
Hi. I kinda know how you’re feeling. I found out on Tuesday that I’m pregnant again. This is after having an ectopic in August last year and losing one of my Fallopian tubes. I’m booked in for a scan but it’s not till I’m 7 weeks. Bit late in my opinion-won’t be able to be managed medically by then, it will no doubt have to be surgery again if it is ectopic and they only realise at 7 week mark! I go from being excited to terrified to excited again. I already have two children who I adore, and sometimes wonder why on earth ive put myself and my husband through this again. Good luck to you. I really hope we both get the good news we so desperately need at or scans. Think positive (hard i know) xxx
Thanks for your reply. You’re absolutely right, the question is scarier than the answer. I can only hope that every thing is fine with the scan, worrying about it won’t change anything.
I’m sorry to hear that you’ve suffered an ectopic pregnancy too. I didn’t feel anything for some time, I felt so normal for weeks. I’d recovered physically but it was only then that I started to come to terms with the loss and deal with all that that entailed. It takes time, but I’m glad I something I wrote helped you to identify your grief.
If you want to chat please message me, I often felt like I had no one to talk too, my husband finds it hard to talk about it, and other people don’t like to linger on the subject. But talking helps so much.
I know how you feel - excited to terrified to wondering if all three pregnancy tests could’ve been wrong! But I keep telling myself I’m pregnant until told otherwise, and I’m trying to enjoy the excited moments as much as I can. But those moments of doubt are the worst!
Seven weeks seems very late for a scan after ectopic pregnancy, can you request an earlier one? It’s wrong that you should be left feeling stressed and / or worried for that long, at such an important time. Ring your GP, explain that it’s too long to wait, cry if you have to, get them on your side and ask them to help you to get your scan brought forward.
Take care of yourself, I’ll keep my fingers crossed that we both get the news we’re hoping for. Let me know how you get on. And message me if you want to talk or rant.
You are not alone. I can understand how you feel because I have expericed pretty same things before.
I had an ectopic pregnancy 1.5 years ago and had a missed miscarriage just 3 months ago when it was 10/5. Now I am pregnant again, 4/1.
I live anxiety right now. Dont know what to do. My previous experiences were in another country in which I can visit an obstretrician whenever I want for a scan and blood tests.
I experience mild crampings in my left side in which I had previous ectopic right now. Dont know what to do.
It’s certainly a worrying time. If you’re worried about anything contact your GP. An early scan might not show anything at this early stage but they might be able to offer advice and reassurance.
I know twinges and pains are common in early pregnancy so hopefully everything will be ok.
I know it’s hard not to worry but try not to.
Wishing you all the very best, take care of yourself.
I am planning to call GP tuesday in the morning. Hope they can book me an early scan. If I see any severe cramping or bleed, I will directly go to A&E. I think this is all I can do for now.
I hope your scan goes well so you can relax a little bit. Please keep me updated. All my prayers are for you.
I had my scan today, 5 weeks 4 days, and it was too early to tell. They offered me blood tests but that means going back to the dreaded EPAU every two days for several days, so I declined. I have another scan in two weeks, I’ll be 7 weeks and 4 days by then so they should be able to tell me something. I was surprised they didn’t offer me an appointment sooner, closer to being six weeks, as that’s when they say they’ll be able to see something.
If I get any symptoms in the meantime I’ll go to A&E. I just keep reminding myself that not all ectopic pregnancies are life threatening, I won’t necessarily end up in the same position again.
I’m not so worried about another ectopic, I don’t know why. I’m more worried about another missed miscarriage. I don’t have any pregnancy symptoms, other than slightly larger boobs - I feel completely normal.
Thanks for letting us know how you got on. It’s such a worrying time isn’t it and I feel for you having to wait a bit longer to get your reassurance. It will be worth the wait I’m sure, and remember your not on your own. This forum is good as it gives you the opportunity to speak to people who really understand.
I feel like I’m losing the plot. I’ve had miscarriage followed by my son lewis, followed by missed miscarriage followed by my son Theo, followed by the ectopic and now hopefully pregnant with my third baby! I’m a bleeding nervous wreck and could do with a glass of wine lol! Not gonna happen but my do I fancy one?! Haha. Let us know how you get on next time xxxx