Hey. I’m now 9 weeks post salpingectomy following an ectopic pregnancy. I struggled at the beginning, but things started to look up for me. Until yesterday, when my colleague announced she is pregnant, and due around when I would have been due.
She called me on Teams and I held back the tears and told her I was happy for her, however the second the call ended, I burst into tears. And I feel like I’m in a continuous loop of emotional breakdowns since that call.
I’m unbearably gutted, I have to work with this person everyday, and although she works remote, I have to talk to her, see her face and name, and I’m so worried other people in office will talk about her pregnancy to me.
I’ve sat in a meeting she’s in this morning and not contributed at all because I’m either crying or about to cry. I’m on leave as of Friday and have a week off, but I’m dreading the future. I had already applied for another job before this announcement, but all I want is to leave this job now. It’s incredibly painful and raw. I guess it’s knowing that she’s sat on the other side of emails, messages and calls, happy and having what I should have had. It’s all very painful for me.
I don’t really know what I want from posting this, I’m just really frustrated that this has happened and really upset.
Dear Laurelle,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy loss.
We hear from many women who struggle with news about pregnancy from their friends, family and colleagues. This is very normal and I was the same after my loss. It is important that we protect our hearts in any way we can. This does not make us “bad” people and it is possible to be happy for those around us while grieving for our own loss. Pregnancies and babies can be a very stark reminder of what could have been and it can be painful.
Some people find having additional time off from work to be away from the situation for a short time helps If you thing this would help you, please speak to your GP practice who will be able to arrange this for you. Some people find journaling helps, to write down their thoughts and feelings.
Importantly, please do be gentle with yourself and you can talk to us whenever you need.
Sending gentle hugs,
Karen x
The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
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