Dear future_cake
I am sorry to hear about your ectopic pregnancy and difficult time. With trying to conceive over the last two years and the heartbreak now of your pregnancy loss through ectopic pregnancy, you have been through so much. We are here to support as best we can and you are welcome to lean on us.
Managing family, friends’, and colleagues’ pregnancy and baby news after our own loss can be incredibly difficult and complicated. Your ectopic pregnancy was only a a few days ago (two and a half weeks is very recent) and to navigate the news of a colleague’s pregnancy so soon after your return is a lot. It is so generous of you to want to support and be happy for her and you are a wonderful person for thinking of others. You also have your brother and nephew at the forefront of your mind and in your heart. You are thoughtful and kind to have such deep consideration for those around you.
Alongside the well wishes for others, it is very natural to grieve for our own losses. Other people’s news can be a stark reminder of what we have lost. In particular, your colleague will be travelling a path in the coming months which you had hoped to be on. Watching others take those steps will bring a whole mix of emotions and please be gentle with yourself. It can be possible to be happy for our family and friends while sad for ourselves. This is in no way makes you a “bad” person - it simply reflects the situation in which you currently have to process with your loss. Pregnancy news after loss is complex and there is no right or wrong way to be. Looking after your wellbeing and taking things at your pace is so important.
In terms of tips about the coming months, I am happy to share a little insight into what personally helped me in a similar situation. Immediately after my loss, one of my closest friends told me about her pregnancy and due date which was just weeks away from what mine would have been. I was shocked and heartbroken in that first conversation and was actually unable to carry on the call. As the days and weeks passed, I had moments of calm and chose to tell her about my loss. I also said that wanted to be there for her but I was still coming to terms with my experience and grief. There were days where I did not want to talk whereas there were other days where I felt I had the strength to call her and ask how she was doing. I took those opportunities during my stronger moments and gave myself permission to step back when I felt wobbly. It wasn’t perfect but there were some days that were more manageable than others and that’s ok. That is a brief summary of what helped me and there may be something among that which resonates with you.
Please know that we are here. Take your time and express yourself as freely as you wish with us and with your counsellor. We are by your side as you come to terms with what has happened. x
Sending good wishes
Munira
The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811 (England & Wales), SC053187 (Scotland)
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my ectopic was my first pregnancy too. No advise but offering solidarity as I feel in the exact same situation:heart: I am surrounded by many friends who are either pregnant, already have babies or announcing their pregnancies and it has hit me so hard. I am struggling to be around them as it just feels so painful to watch so you arent alone in feeling this. Do you have to see your employee much in person or can you work remotely so you can have some distance as this may help x