Struggling with others happy pregnancies

reba353 · 4 June 2024 17:13

Hello

I had my ectopic pregnancy in March and I had surgery. I am physically healed but emotionally I am not. I work with a very small team and of the 8 of us 3 are expecting babies. One of the 3 shares an office with me and this is her first pregnancy. She wants to talk all day every day about how excited she is, how she is going to tell her family, what all she will put on her registry, what cute outfit she found, ect. Since we share an office I feel completely trapped. I tried to hint to her that I have lost babies (I had a chemical before my ectopic) but that hasn’t slowed her down at all. I am a fairly private person and I don’t want to have to bare my soul to an acquaintance but I do not know what to do. I go out to my car to cry and come home emotionally devastated each day. I’m to the point that I will likely tell my boss about my feelings but I fear being “that person” who rains on somebody else’s parade.

EPT_Host_20 · 4 June 2024 20:24

Dear reba,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy loss,

We hear from many women who struggle with news about pregnancy from their friends, colleagues and families. This is very normal and I was the same after my loss. When I had my ectopic pregnancy I had to attend a family function and a close family member was heavily pregnant. I spent the whole day and evening avoiding her as I found it too hard to be near her. It’s what I needed to do to get through the day and have some space. This was only one evening, having to do this daily at work just be totally exhausting and I am so sorry you are going through this.

Are you able to speak to your boss about moving desks or offices if it would be too much for you to speak to her directly? I think at this point you need to protect your heart in whatever way you need. This does not make us “bad” people and it is possible to be happy for those around us while grieving for our own loss. Pregnancies and babies can be a very stark reminder of what could have been and it can be painful.

Please do be gentle with yourself and you can talk to us whenever you need,

Sending much love and warm hugs,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

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reba353 · 6 June 2024 01:21

Did anyone get prescribed anti depressants post op? My doctor prescribed them at my post op appointment but I never took them… I am thinking of starting it up now. Does it help??

EPT_Host_20 · 10 June 2024 18:50

Dear Reba,

When we experience ectopic pregnancy, we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatments, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.

It can take up to three months to even begin to process traumatic events such as these so do be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve and heal both physically and emotionally. If your down days start to outweigh the good or you wish to discuss starting antidepressants, I would advise discussing with your GP or medical team.

Sending much love,