Overly emotional almost a month after ectopic

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Hi everyone,

Just wondered how others have managed to cope after your experiences of ectopic pregnancies?

I had emergency surgery to remove my left Fallopian tube almost a month ago due to an ectopic pregnancy, I still burst into tears whenever someone talks to me about it, when I walk past baby clothes in the supermarket and I had to come off of social media because of all the pregnancy announcements and birth announcements.

I’ve had people tell me that atleast it wasn’t a planned pregnancy and although my partner is very supportive he just keeps telling me to be positive and we can try again.

I’m assuming it will get easier and I do have plenty of days where I feel ok just now, but I just can’t help getting tearful over silly little things. I’m returning to work this week and have an emotionally taxing job, does anyone have tips on best ways to keep the tears away?

Thanks

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This is so hard to answer because everyone is different and use different things and methods to cope but don’t hold the tears in they are completely normal I still have these days 2 years later although not often just because a pregnancy wasn’t planned doesn’t make it any less important or hurtful when things like this happens x I use things like music and thinking of the good things like the ‘fun’ times of trying for a pregnancy it may help I also use breathing exercises slow dead breath and say to myself I can do this breath(in my head so I don’t look crazy) I hope this helps you and I hope all goes well with the next pregnancy good luck x

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Dear Cass,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,

When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal. It really is still early days so please be gentle to yourself.

Some people find they need 6 weeks off work for physical and emotional recovery, so if you head back to work but it is too much for you please speak to your employer or GP about additional time off.

I would say if you are still struggling 3 months down the line as much as you are today, speak to your GP about talking therapies, but for now be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally.

We will be here for you for as long as you need,

Sending much love,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards

During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?

Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

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Hey Cass,

I’m sorry for your loss. Regardless of what other people might think or say, your emotions are totally valid and normal, it is okay to let it out… everyone process grief differently, everyone’s timeline is different. One month is still very early and fresh. Your body and mind been through so much, doesn’t matter if it was planned or not, it is still a lot to deal with and can still feel as much as a loss.

For me my ectopic pregnancy wasn’t planned as well, I even thought I was having my period. The grieving process felt different at different phases after the incident, it took my brain to process things and i for sure wasn’t “back to normal” after a month. It does get better as time passed, now few years has passed for me, even though there were times when I saw triggers or heard people sharing stories that still could make me cry. Not everyone can understand what we went though, and even amongst us everyone’s experience are different too.

Try to be extra kind to yourself, honour your needs and spaces, and your recovery… surgery can be a huge toll on your body too. Find little things that sparks joy or comfort for you amongst this difficult time, and give yourself permission to experience that. One day and one thing at a time… Also allow yourself to feel the sadness, it is healthier than suppressing it. Even intentionally express your feelings through ways you resonate with? Like through art or writing. You don’t need to show it to anyone if you don’t want to. Take extra care of yourself x

It might be helpful to let your boyfriend know how you feel too, even he might still not totally understand. Find time to be in nature, it helps to relax and give us more energy.

If your job is very emotional taxing, maybe communicate with your manager to see if you can have any arrangement on the job you need to deal with for now? Or take more breaks/rest day between? It is hard, people expect us to be fully productive and function as normal, but sometimes we really need more time and different arrangement for our daily life for some period after things like that happened.

Sending hugs and love to you!