Positive test one day, Next day find out ectopic.

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1

Hey Guys,

Sorry if it’s a long post .

Beginning of october i started bleeding, lightly cramping and pain through the back of my shoulders- i put it down to work and period. i took a pregnancy test a week later as i still felt strange. (positive) I felt pretty emotional and scared and needed time to process so i told no one and carried on my afternoon at work. By the afternoon the pain in my shoulders and cramps were getting that intense i googled the symptoms and then even more emotion and fear fled through. I told my 2 best friends who told me we had to go to A&E - a few scans and bloods later and they were pretty certain that it was an ectopic. They sent me home and told me to go back at 9am the next morning for more tests and scans to find out it was Defo an ectopic pregnancy. They decided to do surgical removal straight away.

Since then ive been struggling a lot with mental health, i went back to work 3 1/2 weeks after surgery, i work with horses so it’s hard work. The only reason i went back was so i didn’t have to deal with how i was feeling and i could focus on the horses instead of my own head.

4 weeks down the line i’m back off work and still struggling to come to terms with everything that’s happened. I feel like everything got took straight out of my hands, i didn’t even have time to process i was pregnant let alone an ectopic.

I have so many different emotions flooding through all the timer guilt, sadness and so so so scared. I’m constantly feeling guilty , wether it be about the ectopic, not being at work and causing my family and friends so much worry. I’m always sad it’s almost like i can’t pick myself up again, think i’m having a good day and next i just want to cry.The pregnancy wasn’t planned atall and i feel like i’m grieving a baby i only knew was there for a couple of days,i force my self to laugh and smile even though most of the time i just want to hide. And i’m absolutely petrified of being ill again, it’s been a hard month as i had my first period i then started the pill and took my self off after 7 days as it made me feel awful!! Bled super heavily again for a week (expected as stopped the pill) have one swollen boob and still have awful shoulder pain. 2 weeks later and i’m bleeding again?? is this normal? that’s 3 periods in a month! every cramp every twinge i’m so worried something is going on again- i got diagnosed with endometriosis and PID they found both tubes and ovaries stuck to the back of my womb and i haven’t had a check up since the surgery and i feel so so so anxious about my health.

Sorry for the long post, i find it all hard to talk about and writing it down here felt easier

Thank you :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

H xx

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I’m so sorry you went through this. I’ve recently had surgery as well. I suggest you speak to your GP. They can refer you to counselling and possibly a medical examination to reassure you. It takes time to process trauma and everyone responds differently. Give yourself time and be kind to yourself. Xx

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You will be fine soon dear. dont worry

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Thank you for both of you replies, it’s been a long couple of months trying to figure everything in my head. I’ve been in frequent contact with my doctor who has been brilliant and advised me for counselling but regarding scans and tests she’s finding it hard due to current COVID worry’s what is totally understandable.

I’ve found it all super hard to speak about i’m more of a suffer in silence person and even just writing it down on here and knowing there is going to be no judgement and all you lovely ladies have been through much the same- feels like a tiny bit of weight off my shoulders. I know it’s a long and slow process and i need to take on step at a time but i just want to feel myself again.

Thank you again :heart:

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It gets easier and you learn to be happy again. I’d really encourage you to speak to speak though, even if it’s a close friend or your partner. Lots of love. Xx

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Dear htf20,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,

When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.

It can take a few months for the emotions and physical feelings to settle. You have been through a great deal and your body will need to e to recover from the ordeal of surgery. Unfortunately I am not medically trained and as pain is so subjective, I would advise speaking to your GP about anything that is concerning you.

After a frightening ordeal like ectopic pregnancy, some women find that they suffer from Post Traumatic Stress and symptoms can include anxiety and not being able to focus on everyday things like work. There are a number of avenues that you could look into to get the help that you need.

We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there’s no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We’ll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for “talking therapies” or counselling.

We have information on our website about finding counselling services and we have more information here: http://www.ectopic.org.uk/patients/emotional-impact/

The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support. These boards are a safe space to share, ask questions, or to vent. They are filled with people who have been through similar experiences and journeys, and we are here for you for as long as you need.

Sending much love and warm hugs,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards

During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?

Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653

Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team

When we experience

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[lThankyou for posting as I came on today specifically looking for someone that is in a similar situation to me and for reassurance.

I feel the same I am 3 weeks post op today had my left tube removed and have just had to phone to get my sick note extended some of my team at work are close friends and been supportive but I can’t help feel guilty and that people will be thinking as i start to be up and about more that I should be back at work. My emotions are all over the place and I just don’t know how I’m meant to feel my partner is brilliant but if I get upset he automatically thinks it’s physical pain and I struggle to explain otherwise. Like you I’ll have a good day and think I can go bk to work get on etc then have a day like today where all I can do is cry it’s like it’s not even optional the tears just come.

So Thankyou for sharing cos I feel slightly less alone x

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Hi Viain,

I’m much the same as you, i mainly went back to work because i couldn’t deal with my own emotions and thought work would help me stop thinking and also because of the guilt i had sitting there. I’m very close with my work (like family) , so they know what has happened and been really supportive of me taking the time i need. Within 2 weeks of going back i was in absolute agony all down my right side (fallopian removed that side) and shoulders and my right boob and ended up back in hospital. I also couldn’t go a day without balling my eyes out or hiding somewhere at work to take 30 minutes to myself. I strongly believe now not go back untill your ready, and when you do go back maybe ask for part time for a couple of weeks so you can adjust slowly.

I still feel constantly guilty and super super emotional about everything, i have started a little diary that i write down how i’m feeling and what pain i’m in. It just means if my parents or 2 best friends ask how i’m coping i can show them, rather then explain as i often just find myself crying or i just shut it down quickly.

If you ever need someone to talk to, please don’t hesitate to message as i struggle to open up too.

Much love

H :smiling_face_with_three_hearts: