I thought I was doing OK

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Hi everyone, my first venture out here…

I had an ectopic pregnancy, removed surgically on October 7th 2020. This was after failed expectant management (2 weeks) and failed medical management with methotrexate (9 days). Those 3 weeks of knowing I had an ectopic pregnancy and ‘waiting’ for it to go away were the worst weeks of my life, especially during COVID and having to sit it out at home.

Then I had the surgery to remove it, which felt like a relief initially, until the emotional side of losing my baby hit me in the face like a tonne of bricks. I had been so frightened for my own life for the whole time I knew I was pregnant, the baby didn’t fully enter my thoughts until they were gone. Horrendous. Especially as we were trying for a baby - they were wanted, and I felt like I’d missed my chance to love them whilst they were here.

So I was up and down emotionally during my physical recovery. I’m 6 weeks on now, and today I had an interview for a new school (I’m a long-term Supply Primary Teacher, so I lost my post when I had the ectopic and was signed off work and now need to find another). I haven’t had an emotional wobble since the ‘would have been’ 12 week mark. Today, teaching a class of children for my interview, I felt off my game, shakey, not my usual self at all, and now I’m worried I’m not ready to go back to work. I’m also trying my best to ignore the fact that this post is to cover the Class Teacher’s maternity leave…

So in conclusion, I thought I was doing really well, 6 weeks after surgery, 9 weeks off in total so far. I feel as though I need to say to myself “that’s plenty of time off for someone who only had a laparoscopy”. I feel as though I’m letting myself down if I don’t go back to work soon, letting my husband down, and that everyone expects me to go back now as it’s been plenty of time. But all of a sudden I’m back to square one emotionally and I don’t feel ready at all - but will I ever feel ready?

Has anyone felt like this? Will I always feel like this? Do I need to just ‘bite the bullet’ and go back to work?

Thank you for letting me ramble xx

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Dear RheanM,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,

Whilst we may recover well from the physical ordeal of experiencing ectopic pregnancy, it can take longer to recover from the emotional impact of loosing a baby. There is no timeframe for recovery take each day as it comes.

I cannot stress enough that you are not letting anyone down and it is important that you take the time to think of you. If you need longer to recover emotionally, then take it. You can talk to your GP about taking additional time off work if needed.

It is such a short amount of time since your ectopic pregnancy and your feelings at this stage are completely normal. Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.

We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there’s no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We’ll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for “talking therapies” or counselling.

We have information on our website about finding counselling services and we have more information here: http://www.ectopic.org.uk/patients/emotional-impact/

The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

Sending much love and warm hugs,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards

During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?

Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653

Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team