Emotional Rollercoaster

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I am so sorry for everyone who is reading this knowing you have been through or are going through similar to me, it breaks my heart.

I have never written on a forum before and it saddens me that I am doing it for the first time on this topic.

I am sorry for the long long post but I havent spoken about this and I needed somewhere to just let it all out and this was the only place I felt I could do that, sorry.

This forum and website and all of the information I have needed I have got from the EPT and I am truly grateful for this as I didn’t know much and didnt get a great deal of aftercare info.

I had an ectopic pregnancy just over 3 weeks ago on 28th June. It was a massive shock and totally unexpected. I had a little spotting for a week before I took a pregnancy test. I thought the spotting was due to me taking a pill to stop my period when I went on holiday beginning of may and it had messed my cycle up a little. When I took the test it was a very very faint positive line. Went to the docs the next day and they weren’t worried but said to have a blood test to make sure my levels were rising. I then had blood tests every few days and then was booked for a scan at 6 weeks to make sure everything was ok.

I had no pain other than a dull like ache but nothing I needed to take painkillers for and just assumed it was pregnancy pains. I was told that spotting was common during early pregnancy.

When I had the scan I was told I had an ectopic pregnancy and needed an emergency operation to remove my right fallopian tube as it has ruptured and I was bleeding into my pelvis and was in a life threatening condition. I didnt process any of this at all and strangely busied myself worrying about my mums dog who we were supposed to be looking after for the weekend. I have a 3 year old who was already going to a friends.

I came round from surgery and was told I had bled into my stomach also and lost alot of blood. When I think about it now, at work on the Thursday I kept going very light headed but just assumed it was because it was hot and I hadn’t drank enough.

I feel much better physically although still a little uncomfortable at times. Is this normal?

I have over the last 3 weeks been upset, angry, guilty but thought I was doing really ok emotionally until suddenly yesterday I think it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I did a pregnancy test they told me to do 3 weeks after the op yesterday morning so dont know if that’s what’s triggered it.

I cant stop crying, I dont want to see or speak to anyone. I feel like I am on a rollercoaster of emotions. I dont want to do anything apart from sleep but I am struggling at night time to actually sleep since it’s happened as that’s when is start thinking about things. All the what if’s, what could I have done to stop it, what would have happened if I had waited. I didnt have to go for the scan on that day as they said they may not be able to find a heartbeat so said I could wait until the week after which I said was fine but then something inside me said I needed to go then. What if I had of waited till 7 weeks?

Everyday I keep thinking about our little sunshine. I dont want to go back to work, I have no motivation to do anything. Its not only today and yesterday I have felt like i have no motivation to do anything it’s been building I think and now I really can’t be bothered and just want to sleep.

I’m sorry for being so negative xxx

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Hello I just wanted to reply to say you’re not alone and please don’t apologise for being negative. What you’ve been through is incredibly tough both physically and emotionally and it will take time to heal. I had emergency surgery for a ruptured ectopic 2 months ago today and it really has been an emotional rollercoaster since then. I think I’m slowly moving in the right direction but still a lot of the time just can’t face doing things. There are so many what ifs and fears about the futures. From reading other people’s posts I can see it does get better but will just take time. Have you got people you can talk to? I’m starting counselling next week so hope that will begin to help me move forward. Take care xxxx

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Dear Sunshine19,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,

The feelings you describe are very understandable. You have had so much to process in a very small timeframe - the ordeal of diagnosis, surgical treatment, losing a pregnancy and concerns about the future. Any one of these is hard to contend with and putting it all together is immense. After a frightening ordeal like ectopic pregnancy, some women find that they suffer from Post Traumatic Stress and symptoms can include anxiety and not being able to focus on everyday things like work. There are a number of avenues that you could look into to get the help that you need.

You should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body’s signals and pain and feeling tired are your body’s signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.

You mention that you are back at work, surgery is an immense ordeal for the body to go through and general, after about six weeks you should be able to return to most jobs from a physical point of view. However, if your role involves manual handling, we suggest that it would be sensible to have a phased approach, gently building up to the usual extent of activity. I would suggest avoiding a rapid return to strenuous activities as it is important to build up strength after recovery.

A few options may be available depending on the role: might there be an opportunity to work reduced hours, increasing them slowly over a few weeks? Perhaps there are certain tasks that you could take on which may entail a change from your usual role or a series of reduced tasks initially? I am not sure whether this is appropriate in your circumstances, but is there anything that you could action from home (which may be different from your usual role but still be of use)?

In addition, it is worth bearing in mind that experiencing ectopic pregnancy is a very frightening experience and many women need to take time to help them deal with the psychological/emotional impact of the loss of their baby, being diagnosed with a life-threatening condition and undergoing major surgery. Please speak to your GP about having further time off work if required.

Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.

We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there’s no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We’ll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for “talking therapies” or counselling. We have information on our website about finding counselling services.

The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

Sending much love and warm hugs,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?

Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653

The latest EPT newsletter is out now! You can take a look at the Winter edition and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team

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Thank you so much gemb9 and Karen for replying.

This forum is my absolute rock at the moment!!

I am going back to work next week but doing reduced hours as I feel I need to and should be going back as I feel like people think I am being petty and will be milking it if I dont. I know its silly, I cant explain what I mean! I worry what others will think of me. People don’t understand and underestimate what’s happened as most people dont understand the extent of it.

I am so bad at talking but I have been trying. I just feel like people think I should be fine now and I feel like I have to pretend I am. Unless people have been through it they really dont understand, which I do get, but it just makes it harder because i am trying to be strong and say I’m fine but inside I’m not.

I really hope the counselling helps gemb9. I really think it will. Do you have people close to you you are able to talk to? I am awful at bottling things up but there was a nurse in hospital that said to me maybe this is the time you need to realise you need to speak to people and not bottle things up. Its easier said than done but i have been trying. Im lucky I have a supportive partner but the last few days I have been awful to him and feel like I am taking all my anger out on him which I then feel guilty about. I feel like he has forgotten about what has happened but I know he hasn’t I just feel like he is moving on ang I’m not. Again I cant explain what I mean! Have you gathered I’m crap at explaining things!!! Lol!

I sent a self referral so hoping to hear soon.

Gemb9 I dont even know if you will see this but I hope it goes ok and let me know.

Karen thank you for all of your advice and support I really appreciate it and I am so so so glad I found the EPT. Thank you xxx

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Hope going back to work this week goes OK. I went back to work a few weeks ago and have found it quite tough. I have struggled with thinking that people expect me to be back to normal and I just don’t feel it. My boss has been very supportive and I’ve got a lot of flexibility about when I’m doing work. I’ve also struggled to really talk to people about what’s happened. Even though I have people I’m very close to no one really understands. I also feel guitly about how I’ve been towards my partner as I’m just withdrawn a lot. I do feel a bit better when I’m honest about how I’m feeling but I don’t find it easy! I hope you manage to get counselling in place soon and here anytime if you need to talk xxx