Feel like I’m unravelling…

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Hi everyone

I found out I was pregnant in April and, having had previous issues and surgery on my uterus, was over the moon. I was excited and relieved to know I could fall pregnant. A few weeks later after an ultrasound I was rushed to surgery to remove the large ectopic they could see in my left Fallopian tube. I lost my tube and gained an endometriosis diagnosis. Not only had I lost my precious pregnancy in such a traumatic way, I was staring those fertility demons in the face again except this time they were even more real. I wasn’t sure how to start this or what even to write but I that was 2 months ago now and I feel like a shell of myself. Everything is so raw and so much harder than it was before and my skin is so much thinner than it was.

I was signed off work for 4 weeks and am now in my fourth week back. At first I think I wasn’t letting myself feel anything negative, I was going to show people how “strong” I was and just get on with things. Fast forward 4 weeks and I feel so so lost I don’t know what to do. I am in tears most days, I don’t want to deal with people. I can’t stop thinking back to the day of my

surgery and the fear I’ll never have a baby. I am a manager and I can’t face the thought of managing anymore. My team are negative towards me and are very cynical, before I could handle this but now I can’t. I have been thrown straight back into the gauntlet and I’m just not coping at all. I don’t feel like anyone understands how I’m feeling and feel like they think I should “be over this now”.

Days outside of work I can be in my safe bubble with the people I love and I can try to get through the intrusive thoughts and horrible memories with the mechanisms I’ve learnt but, at work I really can’t function.

I feel trapped and exhausted and I’m not sure what options I even have. I’m so worried I’m going to jeopardise my career but at the same time I have been foolish in not focusing on allowing myself time to heal mentally.

I’m so sorry for the rant but I am feeling a huge amount of anxiety, fear, anger and sadness and I needed to put it somewhere in the hope that someone would maybe have some advice?

Thank you <3

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Dear Emsy,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,

When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.

After a frightening ordeal like ectopic pregnancy, some women find that they suffer from Post Traumatic Stress and symptoms can include anxiety, problems sleeping, flashbacks and not being able to focus on everyday things like work. There are a number of avenues that you could look into to get the help that you need.

We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there’s no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We’ll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for “talking therapies” or counselling.

We have information on our website about finding counselling services and we have more information here: http://www.ectopic.org.uk/patients/emotional-impact/

The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

I don’t mean to sound presumptuous, but could you do with having some further time off work. I found many people didn’t truly understand how I was feeling and I do think the expectation is to get better quickly but I think unless you have been through baby loss it is difficult for people to understand.

Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.

Sending much love,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards

During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?

Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653

Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team

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I understand how you feel. I feel a similar way. Its good we are on here for support. X

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I know this was written a long time ago but wow it feels like I’m reading about myself. 2 months ago after fertility issues I had an ectopic followed by left fallopian tube removal and also gained an endo diagnosis. I was off work for 6 weeks and now on a phased return and really struggling to get my head back in the game and function. I don’t know if you ever check this now but would be great to know how you got on :slight_smile:

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ccwlon8:
I know this was written a long time ago but wow it feels like I’m reading about myself. 2 months ago after fertility issues I had an ectopic followed by emergency left fallopian tube removal and also gained an endo diagnosis. I was off work for 6 weeks and now on a phased return and really struggling to get my head back in the game and function. I don’t know if you ever check this now but would be great to know how you got on :slight_smile:

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Hi

have just joined this forum not sure if I am posting correctly.

I had ectopic with ruptured right tube. 3 collapses and Internal bleeding resulted in emergency surgery to remove tube 5 days ago. I didn’t no I was pregnant so not sure how far I was. There was no follow up required and I have been recovering at home. Today I fainted again. No pain in stomach just pain in shoulder which dr said is normal after surgery. I was sent home from a&e as they could not find anything wrong apart from low blood count but not low enough to give me a blood transfusion. Most of today I have overwhelmed with flutters and flushes and feeling of fainting again I just wondered if anyone has had similar symptoms.