Our experience

Men's Space
1

Hi,

Not ever written on a message board before but two days ago we found out my partner was experiencing an ectopic pregnancy. My first reaction was to go into my usual calm and collected mode, ensuring she was as ok as she could be in the circumstances and had all the support she needed. Then yesterday evening it all started to get a bit much for me. I started to scribble a few notes down and the below sort of fell out on the page. I think it does a pretty good job of catching how I’m feeling, hopefully it’s not too terrible!

3 years of trying & waiting,

One week of joy,

Ended in the blink of an eye.

“I’m so sorry” said the sonographer,

Tears of joy to tears of distress.

Ambulances, long waits and uncertainty.

Heartbreak for a life lost,

Ever grateful for a life saved.

Treatment now a constant reminder,

And then life continues as it was before.

Am I meant to remember you? Or forget you?

Live a life with this or pretend it never happened?

Will we get another chance or is it not meant to be?

So many questions, no answers really.

Time will tell.

Ectopic & Me.

2

Hi RunningDad,

I am so sorry to hear that your partner and you are suffering through this ectopic pregnancy and loss. It is a heartbreaking time, and it is so natural to feel a flood of emotions. The poem is gorgeous, and thank you for sharing it with us. These boards are filled with women and men who are, unfortunately, bound by this experience.

Men have shared that they feel that they need to be the strong, calm ones during these times. My husband was certainly that way, and I do wish he felt able to express more about our loss. There are so many feelings, as you’ve expressed - confusion, fear, gratitude for a life saved, and concern at what the future will hold.

I encourage you to keep the lines of communication open with your partner. I usually find writing to help me as well, get my thoughts on paper in order to share with others. Please take good care of yourself. You have experienced a loss and it is natural to grieve. Give yourself the space and time, and we are here for you whenever you need.

With our support,

Michele

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards

During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?

Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

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Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team

3

I am so sorry for your loss, but I felt I needed to comment to tell you how beautiful your words were <3

Thank you so much for sharing. Sending love to you and your partner x x