I have read this site for a week but not felt strong enough to post anything, until I read your post Joanna so thankyou.
I had an eptopic in january, didn’t know I was pregnant even though I was trying, but 2 days late and what I thought was a heavy period I collapsed at work, LAS told me to get a hot water bottle and period pains can be painful!!! I have a high pain threshold and can’t believe how condescending they were. Anyway was sent home and did a pregnancy test to discover I was positive! but went into St Thomas hospital EGU who were brilliant, the usual back and forth for about a week for HCG levels to be checked and I was given Methotrexate, the most awful thing I thought I could go through, I was so sick, so weak and yet having to pass huge clots and the sac(sorry) on my own, no one to talk to, and when i returned to work about 3 weeks later, I was ignored by colleagues, and felt isolated. I thought I should just get on and forget everything.
3 months passed and I was allowed to try again, brilliantly 2 weeks later I fell pregnant, I was delighted, as was my partner I had booked all my midwife appts and scans, got my due date!, I went for my 6 week reassurance scan, to discover possible eptopic same side again! I was supposed to be admitted but I was in no pain, although 2 incidents of horrific upset tummy which I believe now to be a sign. I went back to work 5 days later the pain and bleeding started, I had been contacted by ST Thomas every day to check on me, and on wednesday 8th June I called the EGU to say I was coming in, they met me and rushed me through to a bed and I had surgery late that night and had my left tube removed., by key hole.
I couldn’t believe it has happened again, and now whether it was the surgery, or reality of what has happened, I started to cry, finding this site has helped but opened up all the emotions that I had kept hidden from the first ect. it has been almost 4 weeks, my stitches still haven’t dissolved, my belly button is infected, I still feel weak and exhausted, work have sent me flowers and a card, but my partner is away with the army for the whole month and not back till 18th July, I have had parents to visit, but they live 3 hours away, I have two horses, and people at stables have looked after them but I have never felt so lonely, my next door neighbour is about to give birth, 2 girls at work are now pregnant, and it feels like its just shoved down my throat.
I am a fit 37 yr old, a mounted policewoman, who has been completely flawed by this, I have to be so strong, but don’t know if I should go back to work in 10 days, when I can’t lie on my tummy or lift my arms above my head yet, The reality of trying again, is terrifying, everyone has good luck stories, but I feel bitter, and can’t be positive at the moment.
I am sorry to waffle on, its my first post and I wanted to share my story, 2 ects in 5 months, no other pregnancies, drs believe the metho left scarring the first time, which caused the 2nd ectopic, don’t know if its true, don’t know what to believe. I do feel for you Joanna, I want people, friends at work to knock on the door, but nothing, the inability to do such simple tasks feel so frustrating and I was trying to rush my recovery, but something has happened, I suddenly feel angry, , and I am going to rest and may take another week off work, if the house is messy so what, reading this site makes me feel normal so thankyou to everyone in all situations, I hope to post one day that I go on to have a healthy baby, meanwhile just getting through the day without a sob will be an achievment. Thanks for listening, best wishes to all Bunty xxx