Hey everyone, first time poster here. Sorry if none of this makes sense but I need somewhere to talk about this and struggling right now.
I experienced my first pregnancy (I am 31). It was a discussion that my partner and I decided we weren’t ready to have a baby and to seek a termination. I called my gp and was told there’s no appointments and to self refer to the Early Pregnancy assessment unit.
I went to the appointment which was 2 weeks later and worked out that I was 4 weeks along and the nurse couldn’t see anything on the ultrasound so to come back in two weeks time. That same evening I started bleeding, I couldn’t keep food down and over the next few days I experienced pain in my right shoulder. The nurse said to call back or to go to A&E after 24 hours monitoring if I was worried and when I did call back (thinking I was over reacting to any symptoms) they said contact your gp. In the gp they called the clinic who said I needed to go to A&E.
So my partner and I waited in the A&E for 9 hours and a weekend of getting baseline hormones checked to be told my hormones were doubling and it was a possible threatened miscarriage but that they booked me in for an ultrasound the following Thursday. I informed my boss and I said “It’s just an ultrasound, I will be in work afterwards”.
The ultrasound came and they said the words "Your pregnancy is definitely ectopic " and quickly I was taken to a waiting room to wait to speak to a doctor. After all the time, tests and examinations I was admitted to hospital. I wasn’t able to have anyone with me. I was given the options, waiting it out wasn’t an option, so it was medical or surgical as I had significant discomfort. On the phone to my mam the doctor came back saying your hormones are too high, it’s not a hard no for medical but our guidelines states over a certain number is too high and we have a surgery spot today. By the time I was out of surgery It was too late for anyone to come and I had overnight stay in hospital. I had a small amount of bleeding and no rupturing, and they found endometriosis whilst in surgery which they couldn’t do anything about because I was in surgery not able to consent to treatment.
It’s been a long 3 nearly 4 weeks. I physically I am getting better with occasional pain but mentally I can’t stop crying, the topic of pregnancy is difficult right now whereas it wasn’t an issue before. I have lost a fallopian tube and found out I have Endometriosis in the same breath and what does that mean for the future? Is this grief? Why can’t I stop getting upset about this? Should I feel sad when we weren’t trying or going to keep the pregnancy even if it was viable?
I feel all over the place. I wasn’t ready for pregnancy but I wasn’t ready for this either. I would love to go back to normal and get back to work and life but I don’t know how. Any tips for moving forward?
Dear polkadotteapot,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy loss,
When we experience ectopic pregnancy, we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, possible reduction in fertility as well as the loss of our baby (whether planned or not). Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.
You have had so much to process in such a short time frame, it is no wonder you feel the way you do, you also have the physical recovery to deal with. Generally speaking, you should take it very easy for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time so please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others. One day you may be okay and the next you may be in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body signals. Pain and feeling tired are your body signals to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy diet drinking lots of water and resting.
Emotionally however it can take a lot longer. Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy can be very traumatic for some and it can take up to 3 months to even start to process a traumatic event. Take the time you need to heal both physically and emotionally. If you feel the down days start to outweigh the good, we at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We also have support services, we can exchange emails as well as support on this forum. We also have telephone support and offer virtual group sessions. We’ll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish. Some women also find that journaling can be a helpful way of writing the feelings they cannot verbalise.
We have information below on how to contact us and on our website about finding counselling services and we have more information here: http://www.ectopic.org.uk/patients/emotional-impact/
We will be here for you for as long as you need,
Sending much love,
Karen x
The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust Registered Charity Number: 1071811 **************************************************************************
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising? Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653 The latest EPT newsletter is out now! You can take a look at the Winter edition and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
Sometimes a woman cannot get pregnant for a long time and cannot find out the reason why. There are some abnormalities that do not manifest themselves in any way. There are no direct symptoms. [Getting pregnant with blocked fallopian tubes could be one of the reasons. It is important to be monitored during this time and have a fallopian tube ultrasound](https://motherhoodtips.com/7-steps-to-getting-pregnant-with-blocked-fallopian-tubes/)