My Story

Who's Who
1

Hi,

I’m new to this forum and this is my first post.

I found out I was pregnant on 5th March. My husband and I were very happy and excited to be having another baby.

I’d had spotting since my missed period but part of me thought this was weird but part of me thought it was because of the c-section I had when I had my little boy or something not too serious. Two days after finding out I was pregnant I got bad stomach pains, pains all down my right leg and started bleeding. I happened to be at the hospital when I started bleeding because my little boy was poorly and being seen at the children’s assessment unit. My husband and a nurse told me to go and be seen at A&E. I remember, I didn’t want to because I didn’t want to leave my little boy, he is here, he means everything to me and I didn’t want to leave him. I gave in and went round to A&E and got seen by a GP. He said bleeding in early pregnancy is common but it might be a miscarriage and there wasn’t anything that could be done for a miscarriage.

Four days after I started bleeding and getting pains my GP referred the SAU (surgical assessment unit) I think she sent me there because it was 6pm and the EPU would have been closed. I was seen by a couple of Gynaecologists. The first one wanted to keep me in overnight for a scan early the next morning. I saw another gynaecologist (at 1am!) who said my hCG level was 627 and “I don’t think it’s an ectopic pregnancy, you’re probably just having a miscarriage” she advised she would refer me to the EPU and sent me home.

The next day the EPU rang and wanted me to go for another blood test. I was back and forth to the EPU having blood tests every few days because my hCG levels weren’t declining as they would have expected. I was still bleeding on and off and the pains were getting more intense. They were mainly by my belly button and when they came on strong is be doubled over. I got ‘shoulder tip pain’ but it wasn’t in the tips of my shoulder but in the muscles in my shoulders next to my neck. It felt the same as after my laparoscopy when I still had some carbon dioxide in my abdomen.

After 12 days of going back and forth for blood tests they decided to do a scan because my hCG levels were platauing and not going down as expected. The abdominal scan didn’t show anything. The transabdominal scan showed I had an ectopic pregnancy on the right side and internal bleeding. I burst into tears and It’s all a bit of a blurr after that. I then saw a consultant gynaecologist who said it was too large to be managed medically and I’d need and emergency operation.

I do remember saying to my husband “If anything happens to me, please don’t let our little boy forget me” everytime I think of saying that now I burst into tears.

A few hours later I was being wheeled into the operating theatre for surgery.

I had a laparoscopy and a salpingectomy, in lamen terms; They removed my baby and my right Fallopian tube.

It’s all been a bit of an emotional roller coaster. So many different emotions one after the other! Not just for me but for my husband too. He has been amazing through all this. I am extremely lucky to have such a wonderful husband. He’s had to deal with loss of our baby and worry about me. Every time I think about what he must be going through I end up crying again.

At present I feel guilty and selfish for the way I feel and the fact that I’m grieving for a baby I lost at such an early stage in my pregnancy. I feel like I shouldn’t feel so hurt and upset by what’s happened to me, but I do.

Physically I’m healing well but emotionally it will take time.

Thanks for reading my story x

2

You’re human, and a human that was excited to be having another child- of course you’re allowed to be upset and grieve that! That said it took me a while to accept that I was allowed to grieve! I guess it’s one of these times when you need to take your own advice - someone pointed out that I’d never be that cruel to someone else- I’d try to support them and let them grieve the loss of what was going to be not tell them to get over it and get on with life.

We might have lost our pregnancies early but they were our pregnancies and (we thought) were going to become our children. And that’s not to mention all the emotions attached to what our bodies have been through.

I hope knowing you’re not alone is of some comfort x

3

I’ve just re-read my post and I meant transvaginal scan showed an ectopic pregnancy not the transabdominal scan!! The transabdominal scan showed an empty womb :cry:

Thank you for your reply Miss B_Mrs B. It is a comfort to me knowing there is people out there who know and understand how I feel.

It is a hard time, so many different emotions. Not only for me but also my husband. He’s had to come to terms with losing our baby and looking after me. People who haven’t been in my situation keep saying “at least you have your little boy” I know this and I feel extremely lucky to have him. My little boy is amazing and there isn’t a day that goes by where he doesn’t make me smile or feel proud but having my little boy doesn’t take away the grief and upset I feel for the baby I’ve lost. It also doesn’t take away the upset of how I was treated, being told I was having a miscarriage for 2 weeks and then be told I had an ectopic pregnancy and I’d need emergency surgery that day to remove my baby and my Fallopian tube. Miscarriage must also be a terrible thing to go through but it would have been a lot easier to come to terms with. My baby may have been perfectly fine and healthy had it not have got stuck in my Fallopian tube. I feel like my body failed me. I suppose if’s, but’s and maybe’s don’t help but I can’t help thinking it.

x