Hi, I’ve never written my story down before. But feel it may help me cope with all the waves of emotion I feel.
I have wanted to be a mummy since I was a little girl. It has always been part of my life’s plan and I have been lucky enough to meet and marry a man who feels as passionately as I do about having children and the want to parent. We started trying for a baby in May 2013. We were both very relaxed and felt overjoyed when I discovered I was pregnant in January 2014. It was all our dreams come true. I registered my pregnancy with my drs the same day I found out and was told the midwife would contact me over the next few days. 2 weeks later I still had not heard from the midwife, despite me calling regularly to see if I could make contact.
I then started spotting lightly and checked on the NHS website and saw that this can be normal in pregnancies, as it was a Saturday, and I felt reassured, I did not contact any medical professionals. On the Monday, I was still spotting lightly, so I called the duty GP. He was very kind and suggested that the spotting could either be normal or the start of a miscarriage. He booked me into the Early Pregnancy Unit for a scan in 2 days time and advised of I got any pain or he bleeding became heavy, then I should seek medical assistance.
The spotting remained light and I had no discomfort over the next few days. I went for an early scan, which revealed that it had an ectopic pregnancy. The consultant who did the ultrasound said that my Fallopian tube had ruptured, I was bleeding internally and had to have emergency surgery. My husband and I were both deverstated and terrified. The consultant and all the other hospital staff were shocked as I had no symptoms, no pain and no signs of an ectopic pregnancy.
I had surgery that day (my sisters birthday) where they removed my left tube. The consultant said my other tube, both my overies and my uterus were very healthy and he could see no medical reason for my ectopic pregnancy. It was deverstating to hear medical professionals talk about my unborn baby as “not viable”. And not acknowledge that there was a little baby growing inside me who could not help the fact they were in the wrong place.
The whole experience was horrific and I can’t imagine how my husband found the words to tell our families whilst I was in theatre (we had kept my pregnancy a surprise until that point).
I healed physically quite quickly, but am struggling with the emotions. I lost my grandad 7 weeks to the day after my surgery and I miss him dreadfully.
My husband and I have started trying again, I am terrified as my tube ruptured at 6 weeks last time and I’m not sure if the drs can/ will be able to check on where the pregnancy is before it’s too late.
I feel so sad that others don’t think of an ectopic pregnancy as losing a baby. But in my mind, I have lost my baby and my Fallopian tube which is part of what makes me a woman. I will always wonder what our baby would of looked like, what gender they would have been and will never forget our first pregnancy.
I feel as though a price of my heart was destroyed that day.
Thanks for reading my story. XxX