I know i only had you for 6 weeks 5 days . I was so excited when i knew i was pregnant after trying for so long. My days were suddenly so happy and fun knowing i had u in me. The first time i ever got pregnant was with you , the first time i ever saw them two lines and digital ‘pregnant’ lights come up was with you.
But i knew something wasnt right baby , mummy had a funny feeling you werent in the right place. I kept getting pains to one side and some days i felt pregnant and other days i didnt. We took u to the scanning room and it was all dark and there on the screen u werent in the right place. They tried to find you but they couldnt. I burst into tears and said where is you ? I cant see you and then they said your stuck on my tube. You were so close to being in my womb and im so sorry you couldnt get down there . You were so close.
And then suddenly from there it was all a blur, next thing i know i had my tube taken out and you were taken away from me aswell.
Suddenly it was back to sqaure one . I didnt have you anymore. But i know when i die, i will see you . We will be together . And i can hold and touch you then. You were meant to be due march 2009 and i will think of you every day. I know you are still with me because my tears cry for you every day. You will always be mummys first baby. I will never know what you look like or what you were. But i know you were a part of me. And i love you so so much . I still want to be a mummy, and i hope when my time comes again god can you send you down to me and we can have some fun together. I say to daddy you were too good for this place as this world is cruel. You were too good baby. Just rememeber you made mummy so proud and happy. No one will take that away. You will always be mummys number one. I will love you forever and think of you every day. And just think we will meet again soon in heaven when i can kiss and play with you all day long … xxxxxxx
I have just read your story and i am so sorry for your loss. I no it might not feel like it right now but i promise it gets better. I had 2 ectopic pregnancies with in 6 months months of each other and i also had 2 misscarages before that and i no how you are feeling,i was told i would never have children naturally as one tube was blocked and the other was where my babies kept sticking,doctors told me it was the tiny little hairs in the tube that were not working and wanted to take both my tubes away but i refused.I was then told my only option was ivf which i started in december 06 and in october 07 my beautiful twins Mitchell and Emily were born.Then on december the 18th 07 i found i was pregnant again naturally and in august 08 Sophie Mae was born. I hope my message gives you hope as i found it helpfull when i lost my babies to read other ladies stories.I wish you lots of luck in the future and i am sure you will hold your own baby in your arms soon x x
Thank you so much Linzi for messeging me… that has really cheered me up.
I dont go on here often and i thought for some odd reason to come on here today as I was feeling so down. I really thought i was pregnant again this month but my body was playing tricks on me again and it was negative. Im only 22 and i just feel so helpless. Although its been about 2 months since my operation i still think ‘what if’ and ‘if only’. Ive never wanted anything so much in all my life. It really has put a strain on me and partners relationship because my moods are constantly up and down. No body seems to understand in my family nor my friends. I was really pushing it this month with days, charts, and all of that and in the end it didnt work so im just going to wait for it to happen naturally.
Thank you for sharing you story … it really has cheered me up for the day and has given me some hope i really needed…
I am so pleased that it helped you. Its a good thing that you are only 22 as you have a lot of baby making years ahead of you,i am 33 so time really was running out for me.I understand the pressure you and your partner are under as me and mine were the same we actually nearly split up as i attempted suicide on several occasions which i now think was crazy but at the time i felt it was the only answer to get rid of all my pain.None of my family seemed to understand how hurt i was and after a couple of days they just stopped talking about it and seemed to think i should to.I advise you to forget the charts and just enjoy being with your partner and the most important thing is to relax and try to forget about making a baby as they say its when you stop trying that it actually happens. Please take care of yourself and if you dont mind keep me posted on your progress and also feel free to contact me if you need to get anything off your chest. linzi x x
OMG… i have been in floods of tears after reading your 1st post.
I have experienced the same as you this past week i lost my 1st baby at 6 weeks 6 days on Wed 8th Oct. i can totally recall how you were feeling at the time as i am there right now Hun.
I just can’t stop my tears very day and night just wishing i had seen my baby on the scan screen in the right place.
Unfortunately they have removed both of my tubes as i suffered from blocked tubes and have already under gone 2 cycles of IVF which have been unsuccessful.
I just can’t stop asking Why? Why me?.
Please tell me that times will get better as i so wanted my miracle to be with me still.
Big hugs to you Hun i hope that times are getting easier for you now a month on.
Sorry i dont mean to get anyone in tears - just a way of letting things out i suppose… well 3 months on and im still not pregnant. I know the doctor told me to wait 3 months again b4 trying so im hoping there is someone above just waiting to give me my baby soon.
I think you go through different emotions when it comes to ectopic. At first i was un aware of the operation , then i got home and was in floods of tears and disbelief. Couldnt even imagine going bk to work. Then if your like me… you go bk to work and pretend everythings fine when its not . And you put on such a brave face but deep down it still hurts. And then it really hits you for what happens and you just want to replace it straight away , but theres no point trying because when you try it usually doesnt come your way. And then you get to the stage i am at now… just feeling a bit motionless. Just thinking i could be 5 months pregnant now and thinking its never going to happen again. I pray to god it does soon. Nothing else in this world is going to make me so happy and complete. And even though I am coping to get through it now (you can never get over it you just learn)… the only thing i believe that could get me over this completely is having another one.
I hope people can share what they are going through becos no body i know understands.
Hello again i am pleased you have posted on here again as i have been thinkin of you and wonderng how you are getting on. I can assure you everything that you are feeling is totally normal as i have felt them all myself. As i have told you before it does get easier as time passes you come to terms with what has happens but you will never forget even when you have your baby in your arms you will still think of your lost little angel. Dont worry that you havent got pregnant yet it could just be your body not letting it happen as you need time to recover.
Nearly 5 months on and i still feel empty. Every1 around me seems to be getting pregnant and i dont understand why it cant happen to me. I have been trying so long, im healty and young so whats wrong with me. I dont think there is something right with me , i try so hard becos since i had the ectopic my chances have gone down. I keep asking what did i do so wrong to lose you ? Am i being punished for something ? What have i done so bad and why wont you come back to me … i dont understand it i feel like im goin rnd in circles. I hope you can still hear me and i think of you every day. I would give up everything for you, my house, my car , my job, i would give all the money in the world to hav a baby and i just get so angry to these people who get it so easily. I am begging so so much please give me a baby i pray so much …
Im still thinking of you every day and would gve up anything just to feel you again even if it was a couple of weeks being pregnant… id give up anything to feel like that again,
I suppose i just have god and bad days. Some people just dont have a clue or understand. And its so nice to have people like you who have been through the same and know what im feeling. Hope yr ok xxx
Well baby me and daddy have been in tears this morning as we have found a PREGNANT digital sign off our test. Isnt it funny how as soon as you give up and feel like life isnt worth living something happens like this… i was so relaxed last month was just trying to enjoy xmas and new year. Please pray 4 me that this one is in the right place and sticks as i am so worried . Mummy is only 4 weeks , love u loads xxx
6 months on and im pregnant again … i am over the moon with happiness xx
Saw your heartbeat this week and yr all in the right place and right size. Mummy is 7 weeks and praying every day u will stick with us this time. Cant wait to see and feel u at last xxx
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Well my 12 week mark is reaching this Thursday and seeing the pics of the baby does not make me forget you one bit.
daddy and I are going away this month as we dont want to be in the country you were taken away from us . I have been told on the 17th March something will happen on that day special to make me see that you are still with me body and spirit. I do not forget you . I do not regret you. You were my 1st little blue line baby . The 1st baby i could see ‘pregnant’ lights on and that tore me apart.
I take this baby is you coming back to me and pray everything will be ok and yr looking after the baby inside of me. People have told me i wont get over u officially till yr due date is here which will be in 2 weeks. People tell me i wont be over you till i get this baby in my arms. But truthfully i will never be over you .
I still look down at my stomach and see the scars you left. I will never forget that day when i was so happy and pleased to have you in me. That day and u changed me for the rest of my life. It changed me as a person and it changed me for the better. It made me realise how precious and special life is. I can rememeber the day i got back from the hospital and not being able to walk properly and clenching my stomach and thinking why did someone do this to me and u ?? And thinkig life is pointess and i couldnt carry on. I wondered how the hell will i get over this and be bk to normal? And i still believe when i go to heaven you will be one of the 1st questions i ask about and want to see.
Ive found it difficult to connect with this baby in case it gets taken away from me again or something goes wrong. But ive learnt over the last few weeks to slowly get attached again . I feel prepared for whatever.
But i just wanted to tell u in case i dont get a chance as i will be away i love u so much and u will always be my 1st . And on that day i will be thinking of u so much and what that day would bring. I never thought i would get to this day and never thought i could be pregnant again and be 12 weeks and i am. Im so gratful and lucky and cant believe i have got to this point.
love u loads my little blue line baby kisses and cuddles to you xxxx
I remembered the other day 26th July - it was a year ago i lost you . Well i found you again and you are due in 5-6 weeks ! Cant wait to meet and so excited xxx
I was just leaving a note for whenever you come back here to say i hope all went well with the birth of your little man and that you are enjoying every second with him
