Loss, confusion, wanting to know whats happened.

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Sorry for the long post but just want to put my whole story across and see if anyone has advice and some positive stories.

I discovered I was pregnant at the end of July, just before we were due to go on our honeymoon, whilst away I had few poorly days, feeling like I needed to stretch out my stomach, felt a bit sick and achiness, I also have joint hypermobility and fibromyalgia, so this is normal for me. Each time it had cleared up with 6hrs.

When I got home, I had a tiny amount of brown discharge but I couldn’t get through to a Dr to get checked out so went through 111, had an appointment was told it was early spotting and fibromyalgia, I had no risk factors and she wished me luck for the next 9 months, she would try and get me an appointment with the early pregnancy unit but said they may not see me as I had no risks.

Luckily they saw me within 36 hrs, first I had to sit in the same waiting room as pregnant women with all of their scan pictures, a real kick in the teeth to be told it was ectopic, ruptured and a huge amount of internal bleeding.

I was rushed into theatre that day.

Fast forward to now, its over 3 weeks later, I don’t know if I’ve had a partial removal of my fallopian tube or if I’ve lost the whole tube, I don’t know if I had a blood transfusion, I don’t know what my recovery should be, I had no follow up to check my wounds, I don’t know what happened or why, I had horrific periods when I was younger so am worried this had something to do with having an ectopic period.

My drs are trying to chase up the hospital to get answers for me, they still have had no luck. They drs gave me blood tests as I’m very anemic due to loss of blood, the hospital didn’t check this.

Due to the risk aspect of my work, I’m not allowed back for another 5 weeks minimum.

I feel lost, confused, have so many questions which I can’t get answered and so lonely during the day when my family are at work, I just spend half the day crying.

I’m terrified to get pregnant again, but would love to start a family.

Sorry for the long rant, I’m just after some help and some reassurance going forward.

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Hi I am so sorry for your loss:frowning: I have also just had an ectopic a week ago and was left with lots of questions due to no aftercare.

Today I have managed to find some answers.

I found the name of my consultant on my hospital discharge letter and googled him to eventually finding a number to call.

I spoke to someone and asked for my operative notes. These are step by step what happened during the operation. They sent them to my doctor who then sent to me and reading them has helped me abit to understand exactly what they did. I hope this helps

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Thank you for your reply, so sorry to hear about your loss too.

The drs have tried to get these operative notes and a summary but over 3 weeks later they still haven’t managed to get them. I just can’t process any of it without any information so just feel in a constant cycle.

I’m glad you managed to get some answers and help from your doctors.

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Hi Nell33,

I am so sorry to hear that you have suffered this ectopic pregnancy and loss, and are now going through such a worrying time in having your questions answered. I want you to know that you are not alone. These boards are filled with women and men who are, unfortunately, united by this experience.

Thank you for sharing your story. I am glad that you have the support of your GPs to continue following up on your questions. I encourage you to keep a list of any questions that arise and continue to ask. I realise that the delay in answers is very discouraging. If you feel your care hasn’t been as you expected, you may be aware that you can raise any concerns via the Patient Advice and Liaison Service or PALS. You can find your local PALS here and it may be an avenue that can help:

https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/hospita … n-service/

Your surgery is still very recent. It’s important for you to remember that there was nothing you did to cause nor nothing that could have prevented an ectopic pregnancy. Many women experience a mix of feelings and this can include grief, hurt at loss and anger. Trying not to blame yourself is important, as it is no fault of yours, and nothing sadly could have been done from stopping the ectopic pregnancy or miscarriage from happening.

Physical recovery is often quicker than emotional recovery. We operate a helpline service, and there’s no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely, and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too if you prefer that route.

Also, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help, and this can include referrals for “talking therapies” or counselling. We have information on our website about finding counselling services. The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

No matter what, we are here for you whenever you need us. Please know you are not alone and take all the time you need to look after yourself and recover. We are here for you whenever you want to talk.

With good wishes,

Michele

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards

If the information provided here or through the EPT website has helped you, you can donate towards our support services, volunteer, or fundraise to raise awareness.

Further information is available on our website.

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

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Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team