After years of trying for a baby and giving up i found out i was pregnant on the 4th April 2016. The happiest day of my life only to miscarry at 8 weeks. I was devastated and it took ages to recover physically from the natural miscarriage. I was determined to get pregnant again and then in October 2016 found out i was. A week later i had really bad lower back pain and awful shooting pains down my leg. I was worried something wasnt right. A few days later i started bleeding. I thought it was another miscarriage so decided to just wait a few weeks as i was very early on in my pregnancy. A few weeks later i decided to go to the early pregnancy unit and they performed a scan. I was told that it was a PUL. They said i didnt have the symptoms for it to be ectopic as i looked too healthy and i had no pain. The next day i was scanned again and then told it was ectopic. I couldnt believe it why me. I had to have my left tube removed. I feel so heart broken. Its been nearly 2 years now and i just can’t get pregnant again. Im 41 so i know that the chances of me getting pregnant are pretty slim. It was difficult with 2 tubes but now ive got one its even harder. When the time of the month happens i feel so low as i know its not happened again and ive got to try again the following month. Im trying to face reality and forget about trying to get pregnant but its so difficult. My husband has never really wanted children so the ivf route is out of the question. He keeps telling me we are too old and that he doesnt want children. If my pregnancies had of been successful i know that he would have loved being a dad. I just wish i knew why all this happened from having no success to 2 losses in a space of a few months is awful to deal with. I cannot seem to move on and its been nearly 2 years now. Thanks for listening xx
Dear Zoe77,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and losses. To experience one loss is difficult, to deal with multiple losses is heartbreaking and my heart truly goes out to you.
Trying to conceive again can be a challenging time for couples especially after experiencing loss. I will do my best to help.
While generally it is possible to conceive after an ectopic pregnancy, the amount of time it takes varies from couple to couple. Factors include age, general health, reproductive health and how often you have sex, among other things.
I wish I could give more precise information, but as I do not have access to your and your partner’s medical records, it is difficult for me to provide specific details. Generally, we and many healthcare professionals advise keeping a healthy balanced diet, maintaining a healthy weight and abstaining from alcohol and smoking.
Importantly, help is available if conceiving naturally has not yet been successful after some time trying - and the EPT advises that women under 35 should seek medical advice following 12 months trying to conceive and those over 35 should seek advice after 6 months. As you have been trying for over a year, I would think it worthwhile speaking to your doctors who can look into any appropriate tests for you and perhaps your partner and investigate further.
Importantly keep an open dialogue with your husband, is he fully aware of how important having a family is to you? Could you both go to see your Dr together to discuss any next steps. Making him fully informed may reduce any concerns or worries he has about investigations.
We here emotional support whenever you need us. There is a specific Preparing for your next pregnancy board you can look at too whenever feel ready.
Sending much love,
Karen x
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Further information is available at www.ectopic.org.uk
Email us at ept@ectopic.org.uk.
Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.
Many thanks Karen. I’ve just got to try and face the facts that the odds are against me. With my age and with now having one tube i’m starting to lose hope that it will ever happen. Im going to have to try and focus on the goods things in my life but i know its going to be very difficult for me when you long for something you dont have. I might need to consider counselling. XX