(December 2005)
Well hello every1, its kez (kerry) and I am 27. I have been with my husband Paul for 9 years almost and married for just over 3. I finally thought it was about time I wrote my story(have been around since my 2nd ep in September 2004) but I will keep it short else will be far too long! I have had 3 ectopic pregnancies in 18 months.
I was diagnosed with my first ep beginning of last april 2004, started bleeding on valentines day (which for me made it worse). We had been trying for 4 months and I was delighted to find out was pg so quickly after being on the pill for 10 years, especially when two of my best mates were pregnant also and would have been nice to go through it all together. I cannot explain how happy I was or dh but that didnt last, as started bleeding at 5 weeks. To cut a long story short I had 4 weeks of numerous scans and blood tests before the ep was discovered as was originally sent home as thought to be having miscarriage. They finally found that i was having an ectopic in my right tube 5 weeks later after I pestered the doctor to send me back to epu as I just didnt feel right and had really sharp pains and very heavy bleeding. I was then givin methotrexate as my levels had risen. It took 6 weeks for my levels to go down and the bleeding to stop. The pains i suffered with the metho were horrendous to start with and I could not believe I was going through this. Why me?? every1 else can have a baby properly but not me! I felt such a complete failure. It took me months to get over it(but dont think will ever really get over it just gets easier to live with) but come 4 months later in August 2004, after a great holiday, we thought we would try again as was told my chances were good. Well to my surprise got caught quick again in September 2004. Was totally freaked out and petrified but also again a little pleased and excited but the excitement had taken away after going through an ep and replaced with fear and anxiety. Unfortunately at 5 weeks started to bleed with pains on my right side again. I knew the signs and the pains and bleeding together was not good, back up a+e again only to be sent home as too early to see anything. After a week of scans an ectopic was found in my right tube again(my birthday). I had bad pains that evening so was taken to hospital and kept in overnight. This was because I was losing baby and my levels were slowly decreasing on their own but had to stay in because of the pain. The Next morning I was having a resolving ectopic and sent home to grieve and be monitored by the epu. I was gutted once again at losing my baby but was a little pleased as I didnt have to have treatment and to me felt more like a miscarriage. I was told to carry on and ttc again naturally. (but part of me wished now that I had had the surgery then as things could be very different now but hey ho you cannot change anything)
Well after the 2nd ep I just couldnt handle ttc for a while and needed a break after having 2 eps in 6 months. My heart and my mind was shattered and I really couldnt put myself through anymore. We had a fantastic holiday in the maldives in may this year(05) and had a good break. Finally in october decided to try again and felt happy and had moved on and felt darn good and ready and was feeling really positive about ttc. I thought that having the years break would do my body good!To my surprise I got caught straight away again! so in November I was pregnant again. I was pleasaed but very very scared but I did have a good feeling as it felt different but then it was shattered again when I started bleeding at 5 weeks. Went to a+e only to be sent home as too early to do scans etc. Had numerous trips to epu over the next week for blood tests and even tho was bleeding heavily the levels were doubling brilliantly which was strange. I was actaully clinging to a bit of hope that all would be ok because of this but think deep down knew was wrong but didnt want to admit it plus the pains were pretty bad at this stage. Well i then had the scan at 6 weeks and they confirmed exactly what i thought, a 3rd ep in my blasted right tube again. I could not believe it but was pretty numb and kind of expected it. My levels had gone up to 1500 and I was bleeding so was taking in for emergency surgery that morning but didnt have my op until the following afternoon so was starving but had a drip but didnt really work. The surgery to me was the worst part because it was pretty scary and I cried my eyes out with Dh on way to theatre, but I now feel grateful that they have finally done something and taken away the problem that has caused me and dh so much heartache.
The surgeon removed my right tube and said I was very lucky as it had swollen to 6cm and was ready to burst so I feel very lucky. I was told that my left tube looks good as does my womb and ovaries and to try again when im ready. I now believe that the 1st ep caused so much damage to start with and that is why i unfortunately went on to have 3 eps in total. I am hoping now that the left tube will compensate and work ok.
Well I am 7 weeks now post op(lap and keyhole) and doing really well. Still have my low days but feeling more positive now than I ever have since 1st ep. Knowing that the right tube cant hurt me anymore is a good feeling. I just hope that left tube is good to me in the future and gives me that much needed baby me and dh deserve.
I am really sorry this has turned out to be so long, i really have shortened it best I can!!
Well what can I say, I am a changed person since going through this. I have met some wonderful people and I feel a better person with that. I feel other peoples pain and am more understanding towards others. As they say good things do come out of bad.
I would like to say a big thankyou to all here for all your kind words and support over the past year and a big thankyou to izzie, youve been brilliant.
Much love to all.
Love Kez xx
Update - May 2006, been ttc now for 3 months since 3rd ep and operation, no luck yet but hoping for a BFP soon! :lol:
Another update - February 2007. Well life is truely pants for me! Had 4th and final ep in remaining tube in November 2006 and chose to have my remaining tube removed, was a really hard decision to make, but could not go through any more s**t or eps, enough is enough. I wont go into detail with the ep and surgery as you all know the procedure, as do I many times unfortunately. So IVF route for me now, I am determined to get my baby one way or another. Also lost my precious Mum January 2007 so big painful blow so gonna carry on and try for her too. Love you mum xxx
Watch this space…IVF due this year
What doesnt kill you makes you stronger. If you dont have hope then what do you have. Good things come to those who wait…