I need some help. Maybe the fellas can help me understand.
Last August I found out I was pregnant and in September I was having emergency surgery for a ruptured ectopic pregnancy (It was my first pregnancy). I’m still coping with the loss and about 3 or 4 months ago, started telling my boyfriend my feelings and how my depression was coming back and why. After the pregnancy loss, he let me know that having kids wasn’t important to him and left it at that. Easy for him to say, he has 3 kids already. I wasn’t trying to address that my first night home but a lot of things changed shortly after. We vaguely have sex. When we do, he makes sure to pull out and sometimes he’ll stop in the midst of sex just so he won’t orgasm. I’ve asked him if he wanted a child, and was told, “If you want one, yes. But, I don’t want you to go through what you went through before.” This is totally understandable because he’d rather not lose me. But, my heart literally longs for a child. The possibility of having a child is apart of my mind, EVERY SINGLE DAY. Now, when I mention children, he ignores me. How do I address this? He’s a wonderful man. Treats me so well. I need help on ways to talk to him about this.
TieraSS:
I need some help. Maybe the fellas can help me understand.
Last August I found out I was pregnant and in September I was having emergency surgery for a ruptured ectopic pregnancy (It was my first pregnancy). I’m still coping with the loss and about 3 or 4 months ago, started telling my boyfriend my feelings and how my depression was coming back and why. After the pregnancy loss, he let me know that having kids wasn’t important to him and left it at that. Easy for him to say, he has 3 kids already. I wasn’t trying to address that my first night home but a lot of things changed shortly after. We vaguely have sex. When we do, he makes sure to pull out and sometimes he’ll stop in the midst of sex just so he won’t orgasm. I’ve asked him if he wanted a child, and was told, “If you want one, yes. But, I don’t want you to go through what you went through before.” This is totally understandable because he’d rather not lose me. But, my heart literally longs for a child. The possibility of having a child is apart of my mind, EVERY SINGLE DAY. Now, when I mention children, he ignores me. How do I address this? He’s a wonderful man. Treats me so well. I need help on ways to talk to him about this.
Hi.
Firstly I am sorry for your loss. I’m currently going through an EP now which is being treated by medication. Had a Laparoscopy last July and wasn’t ready to have another op.
With regards to your situation, you’re absolutely right, he already has 3 kids. He will never understand what you’re going though and what it feels like to long for a child and not be able to have one. I think it’s unfair he’s treating you the way he is. The doctors told me there is a 90% chance women with previous EP will be able to conceive again. Of course there’s always a risk of having an EP again and unfortunately that’s something we have to be aware of but that won’t stop you from potentially having s healthy pregnancy next time.
You need to sit down with him and have a serious heart to heart conversation. Express to him what you’ve just said here about how wanting a child makes you feel. Your feelings are valid and you have a right to tell him what you want. After having this conversation with him, you may find yourself having to make some life altering decisions. I can only speak for myself. If there was a possibility of me being able to get pregnant again and my husband wouldn’t let me, I can honestly say my marriage would be over. I can’t see my life without me having no children of my own.
I hope you get things sorted out xx
Thank you. I feel as though I’d be forced to make the decision of ending our relationship BUT I really don’t want to. He treats me so well. I’m hoping in time he will come around. So, we shall see.
TieraSS:
Thank you. I feel as though I’d be forced to make the decision of ending our relationship BUT I really don’t want to. He treats me so well. I’m hoping in time he will come around. So, we shall see.
I understand what you mean. My husband is AMAZING and so supportive.
All I can advise is to take care of yourself. If you’re still finding his actions causing you to be upset and continue to feel depressed, then I think you should be honest with him about how it’s making you feel. You deserve to be happy.
Wishing you all the best xx