So, we didn’t know we were pregnant but turns out we fell pregnant a month into our relationship. Found out at 11 weeks unfortunately ectopic was missed until it ruptured at 11.5 weeks. We were not wanting/expecting a child. He has a 22 year old and I have an 8 year old. He has been amazing and I would never have got through it without him. Now I suppose, I feel I’m ready which seems daft after such a short period of time together but he has been my rock for me more in 5 months than any man has ever been for me. Thing is he isn’t ready or wanting more children. I’m not on contraception, we have still been having unprotected sex and if it happened he would stand by me (he says and obviously he was willing before finding out it was ectopic last time) but its been 5 weeks since the ovary/tube and ectopic removal and all I want is to be pregnant now, I don’t understand why as I didn’t feel this way before but it’s like it has planted the idea in my head and I can’t get away from it. I’m still experiencing pain, I had 5 blood transfusions due to blood loss and turns out I had a haemotoma so still now have a lot of swelling and bruising but sex is not painful, I do get a few pulling feelings or like something is going to fall out of my vagina when walking (hoping this is normal)
My dr made it pretty clear that I needed to wait for at least 3 normal menstrual cycles before trying. I think I felt a little more healed than what you are experiencing, but I also feel like it was more like 6 weeks before I started to feel normal. The abdominal bloat I had from the surgery took longer to go away. I also noticed I gained some weight after the surgery despite no noticeable reason why on my end, but then I learned it’s common after miscarriages to gain weight for hormonal reasons.
I too really want another baby since my loss. I already have 4 kids, but this is going to be my last baby so the ectopic was really, really hard. My desire sky rocketed right after, though I am also afraid. The best advice I can give you having already had a lot of pregnancies, is to really focus on your healing. Get your body in the same state as your mind. Work on recovering your blood because pregnancy really puts a lot of strain on your circulatory system. Eat really nutritious iron rich foods. Build your folate up. Really take care of yourself physically so your body can catch up to your heart right now.
We get it. It’s really hard mourning the babies we lost.
I was given no advice on how long to wait but maybe because I should not have fell pregnant in the first place. I was advised I would not be able to fall naturally and would need IVF for further pregnancies but my body decided otherwise. I think he has had to step up and step in so much with my son (who has additional needs) and they have such an amazing bond already (if it weren’t for what happened we would not have got to this point definitely). I think maybe seeing that made me realise just how great he is and so having a child with him would be amazing plus how he has looked after me. After the operation the swelling was that bad he even had to wipe my bottom because I could not physically reach (if that is not overstepping the partner mark I dunno what is) but he has done so much more than anyone should need their partner to do in such a small amount of time, I feel so unbelievably lucky. I suppose I just want an extra connection to him, maybe afraid of rejection I don’t know maybe I’m over analysing my thought processes. But I hate how I look, I have put on masses of weight, still swollen etc also and I have a c section scar plus the 3 additional from surgery now (1 of which is actually big for some reason)
Dear Stacey,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy that resulted in the loss of your Fallopian tube. I am also sorry to hear you have not been given any advice from your doctor when it is recommended to try again for another baby. It sounds as though you went through a significant physical trauma when your Fallopian tube ruptured requiring you to have 5 blood transfusions. With your ectopic pregnancy only occurring 5 weeks ago I must stress that your body will still very much be recovering physically. Please be gentle with yourself and now is the time to focus on your healing as your body has been through an awful lot.
It is recommended that after surgical treatment for an ectopic pregnancy that you wait two full menstrual cycles/periods before trying to conceive. It is worth mentioning here that the bleed you had in the first couple of weeks after your surgery was not your first period but the response to falling hormones now you are sadly no longer pregnant. There are physical reasons for this recommendation:
• Waiting for at least two full periods to occur allows time for your hormone levels to drop back down to a normal level indicating your body is hormonally ready to try to conceive again.
• Waiting for a normal period (the first period can differ from what is normal for you) allows you and your doctor to calculate and date a new pregnancy, this is a very important safety aspect to ensure you are not suffering another ectopic pregnancy.
• This timeframe allows any internal bruising and inflammation to heal.
Alongside those physical reasons, there is also the emotional to consider. Many people underestimate how long it can take to recover emotionally from an ectopic pregnancy and there can be an intense impact. Waiting some time to try to conceive again allows time for you to process what you have been through and work through any difficult feelings and emotions or grief you may be feeling.
Even though it is recommended to wait until having a first period (which occurs approximately six weeks post-surgery) before beginning to have sex again, it is ultimately yours and your partner’s choice and you must do what is right for you if you both feel ready. I would urge you and your partner to consider speaking to your GP about what contraception is available to you as having unprotected sex could obviously result in a pregnancy. Although I know this is something you have stressed you really want, and I can understand how hard it is to wait I really would recommend a short period of contraception until you have had two full menstrual cycles for the reasons I have listed above. There is a lot of detailed information on our website which you may want to read about why this is recommended: https://ectopic.org.uk/physical-recovery/contraception.
I am sorry to hear you are continuing to experience some physical discomfort and bloating. As I am not a medical professional I cannot advise or diagnose what might be causing this pulling sensation in your vagina that you describe so I would strongly advice you make an appointment with your GP to discuss any concerns you have.
With good wishes,
Sophie
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