So I found out I was pregnant - while using birth control - and neither my partner or I wanted to go ahead with the pregnancy. We are about 90% sure we don’t want to have children but are open minded and know we may change our minds in the future but right now we don’t want to have any.
After experiencing some strange symptoms (bleeding, cramps etc) the nurses initially thought I had miscarried but after blood tests seen that my hcg level was up at 1100. Over the next week it went 1100 > 1800 > 3000 and it took 4 scans until they were able to see the ectopic in my fallopian tube. Luckily I was able to get methotrexate as the ectopic was relatively small. My first dose was unsuccessful and my hcg level had risen to around 4600; I received my second dose 3 weeks ago and the levels are already down to 270 so I’m definitely getting much better.
Physically I feel like I’ve been through the wars but mentally I kept telling myself that I was fine and that it was a blessing that my partner and I didn’t want to have a baby in the first place as I feel this would be an awful experience if I had been desperate to have this baby. I have been openly saying that I’m glad this happened to me as opposed to a couple who had been trying so that it saved somebody else from awful news. While I do feel fine there’s just a lot of unease and I’m not really sure what it’s about and how to feel better.
I haven’t changed my mind on having children. I know that right now it’s definitely not something I want to pursue but after reading all of the facts and figures and knowing that this may happen again or that if I do change my mind it may not be as easy to conceive has me feeling quite sad. I’m quite a practical person and I understand that the odds are quite slim so there’s no point in worrying - but I’m not worrying. I just feel sad all the time. I know that my hormones are still way above what they should be which won’t be helping but nobody seems to be understanding how I feel so I’m hoping there is somebody on here who’s been in a similar situation to me and can relate.
I just feel so sad and I don’t really know why. The whole situation felt very surreal the entire way through. I almost felt like I had imposter syndrome or something cause it just kept feeling like it couldn’t really be happening. I feel like I can’t sleep at night and I just feel shit all the time both mentally and physically. Can anyone relate/help?
Thanks in advance xx
Hi Keren- not exactly the same situation but a lot of overlap in feelings.
I have one three year old via IVF. We didn’t know we could conceive so it was a shock four weeks ago when we found out I was 5 weeks. We’d actually let our frozen embryos from IVF go as we were happy to stop at one. Finding out we were having a second was a mix of emotions given we’d basically chosen not to. I had a few moments of tears about whether it was going to change our (my daughter’s) lives in ways we didn’t want.
Then I had an ectopic rupture 10 days ago. Since then I have for the first time regretted letting those frozen embryos go. I feel really sad about the little sibling she’s lost and feel cheated of that different future. Even though it was a future we’d actively decided against. It’s a head *** isn’t it to work out why you feel like that. I think you are right, part of it is hormones. Your body literally gears you up to nurture and love, so you will still be feeling that. It’s also very different I think to be in control of being “ fine just as we are” and then to have something traumatic happen to you which takes it out of your control.
I’m keeping myself busy while signed off work by getting lots of odd jobs and long standing life tasks done to try and regain the feelings of control and purpose.
Hope things work out for you, whatever future path you decide on x
Today I said to my friend I had imposter syndrome my first pregnancy which ended up being ectopic. I’m single and had ivf, got pregnant and then as they saw no baby, my HCG dropped, increased again they said it was ectopic and
I went through 12 long weeks bleeding and in pain. It was gruelling.
I would say whether you wanted a baby or not, an ectopic pregnancy is a lot, it’s traumatic, it’s painful and you are entitled to your feelings. It’s natural to feel sad about the situation. You don’t need to know now if you are definitely going to or not going to have a baby in the future, you just need to take time physically healing and everything else will follow.
keren2001:
So I found out I was pregnant - while using birth control - and neither my partner or I wanted to go ahead with the pregnancy. We are about 90% sure we don’t want to have children but are open minded and know we may change our minds in the future but right now we don’t want to have any.
After experiencing some strange symptoms (bleeding, cramps etc) the nurses initially thought I had miscarried but after blood tests seen that my hcg level was up at 1100. Over the next week it went 1100 > 1800 > 3000 and it took 4 scans until they were able to see the ectopic in my fallopian tube. Luckily I was able to get methotrexate as the ectopic was relatively small. My first dose was unsuccessful and my hcg level had risen to around 4600; I received my second dose 3 weeks ago and the levels are already down to 270 so I’m definitely getting much better.
Physically I feel like I’ve been through the wars but mentally I kept telling myself that I was fine and that it was a blessing that my partner and I didn’t want to have a baby in the first place as I feel this would be an awful experience if I had been desperate to have this baby. I have been openly saying that I’m glad this happened to me as opposed to a couple who had been trying so that it saved somebody else from awful news. While I do feel fine there’s just a lot of unease and I’m not really sure what it’s about and how to feel better.
I haven’t changed my mind on having children. I know that right now it’s definitely not something I want to pursue but after reading all of the facts and figures and knowing that this may happen again or that if I do change my mind it may not be as easy to conceive has me feeling quite sad. I’m quite a practical person and I understand that the odds are quite slim so there’s no point in worrying - but I’m not worrying. I just feel sad all the time. I know that my hormones are still way above what they should be which won’t be helping but nobody seems to be understanding how I feel so I’m hoping there is somebody on here who’s been in a similar situation to me and can relate.
I just feel so sad and I don’t really know why. The whole situation felt very surreal the entire way through. I almost felt like I had imposter syndrome or something cause it just kept feeling like it couldn’t really be happening. I feel like I can’t sleep at night and I just feel [censored word] all the time both mentally and physically. Can anyone relate/help?
Thanks in advance xx