Expectant Management

louisewa183 · 1 February 2021 13:49

Hello,

First of all, I wanted to say thank you to this site, it helped me knowing there are other women who have had similar experiences to me.

My ectopic pregnancy happened 2 weeks ago. It was my first baby and I found it so hard to deal with, I still am.

I was told that I could go down the expectant management route as my HCG levels were so low. I’m currently being monitored by the hospital every 2 days to make sure they’re consistently dropping.

I was just wondering how other women found this route? The baby passing naturally was very hard, I cried a lot and also got very angry at the world. I found my hormones were/are all over the place.

There aren’t as many ‘Expectant Management’ personal experiences on forums, so just wanted to see what other people’s experiences have been like.

For me what I am struggling with the most is my body still thinking that it’s pregnant. For example, my boobs are still very sore and look pregnant. I also have overwhelming guilt about returning back to regular life. I feel like if I get on with work and feeling happy that it’s wrong. And I shouldn’t be feeling better.

Does anyone else feel like that? I’m also desperate to try again, but the thought of intimacy makes me also feel very emotional. I think it’s going to be a while, which is hard because I want to be pregnant again.

I’m also struggling as many of my friends are pregnant and I felt so excited to be on this journey with them. Now it’s all gone.

Anyways it felt good to write down, I hope you are all ok and sending lots of love to all the women and their partners. We will get our babies.xxx

EPT_Host_20 · 1 February 2021 19:44

Dear louise,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,

When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.

Expectant management can feel quite frightening and as though no one is doing anything, however if the pregnancy does resolve on its own, avoiding surgery or powerful drug treatments, it means your recovery will be faster. Although I completely understand what a drawn out process it can be.

It is normal to feel anxious about the future. We generally feel a mix of emotions from wanting to try again to being petrified of what may lie ahead. We never forget, but we learn to accept what happened. It is a slow process that might be weeks or months ahead.

In time, we can get to a place where we feel comfortable trying again. When this is, is individual for each person. There is no timeframe for recovery, take each day as it comes.

Importantly early scans avail. As soon as you know you are pregnant, contact your local EPU to inform them and book in for an early scan at around six weeks. Remind them of your previous ectopic pregnancy. This self refer route is the best route in our view. Hopefully you will have some comfort to know you are under the radar of medical professionals right away.

We hear from many women who struggle with news about pregnancy from their friends and families. This is very normal and I was the same after my loss. When I had my ectopic pregnancy I had to attend a family function and a close family member was heavily pregnant. I spent the whole day and evening avoiding her as I found it too hard to be near her. It’s what I needed to do to get through the day and have some space and please protect your heart in whatever way you need. This does not make us “bad” people and it is possible to be happy for those around us while grieving for our own loss. Pregnancies and babies can be a very stark reminder of what could have been and it can be painful. Please do be gentle with yourself and you can talk to us whenever you need.

Sending much love,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards

During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.

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Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk

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Hpod · 1 February 2021 20:21

Hi Louise,

I was treated via expectant management in June last year and also found it hard to find stories similar to mine - most people are medically or surgically managed it seems.

At the time I really pushed through and carried on working. I felt OK, and just wanted my levels to get back to 0 so I could move on. It hasn’t been until the months after that my anxiety has rocketed. We started trying again after a couple of months and each month I get incredibly anxious that I’m having another ectopic when my period arrives and I do have niggles in my right side where my ectopic was.

I think everything you’re feeling is normal. A lot of my friends are also falling pregnant and I’m struggling with my first - I find it hard. Try not to read too much - I feel like I’ve read so much that I’m panicked I have something really wrong with me when it’s probably not the case. It has made trying again quite stressful. I’d say take your time until you feel mentally ready. The EPAU were great for me and had time to chat to me when I was feeling quite low.

Happy to chat if you need to. I hope it’s all over for you soon and you can get to a place where you can process what’s happened and feel ready to try again.

louisewa183 · 2 February 2021 20:53

Thank you so much for your replies. I don’t ever post on sites so having a connection over the internet is all very new to me!

It’s all very good advice and it’s also so true when you say Karen that sometimes this route feels like nobody is doing anything. I just feel a little lost at the moment. In limbo. I really miss the pregnancy feeling and the joy that came with it.

Thank you for sharing too Hpod, I’m approaching it very much in the same way you did, diving into work, but also trying to not ignore my feelings. It’s a hard balance!

I’m feeling quite anxious as I have a blood test tomorrow and I’m praying that my levels have dropped significantly. I have no idea how I’m going to feel. I’ll just riding the waves and look to the future.

Lots of love to you all. Nice to know we are not alone.x

Raveeshjji · 4 February 2021 09:38

I’m feeling quite anxious as I have a blood test tomorrow and I’m praying that my levels have dropped significantly. I have no idea how I’m going to feel. I’ll just riding the waves and look to the future.

louisewa183 · 4 February 2021 14:28

Hey Raveesh,

I had mine last night and the results this morning. The levels have dropped, but not significantly. I felt very sad this morning but then my husband reminded me that they are still dropping. I’ve just gone into fix-it mode and want everything to be moving quicker.

I hope your test goes ok. Like you said ride the waves that’s all we can do.

Try not be hard on yourself.xx

Kmw-89 · 9 February 2021 13:27

Hi hun sorry for you loss I myself lost my little To an ectopic middle of jan this year and I was treated via expectant management. I literally found out I was pregnant and it was dying within 72 hours.

First off My hcg levels were 480 and within 48 hours they went down to 72 and then within 6 days they were zero so mine pretty much absorbed pretty fast I was shocked.

The only thing I hated was that I was rushed out of the office so quickly I wasn’t given enough time to ask questions and there was no compassion either. I am personally now scared for my fertility all I was told was there could be scaring that was it oh and my ovaries looked fine. I also found there is hardly any information regarding ectopics and expectant management which was rather frustrating.

I am now awaiting my first period and dreading it.

I hope you’re ok also if the blood tests make your arms sore like it did mine they gave me numbing cream xx

louisewa183 · 10 February 2021 13:25

Oh blimey you poor thing, that’s so hard to deal with in such a short space of time. I do feel for you, half of the problem I’ve found is getting my head around what’s happening to me, so the fact you weren’t able to ask questions and were rushed through, I imagine is very frustrating.

Can you speak to the Early Pregnancy Unit that treated you? Or contact your doctor if you still have questions? If you want to ask me anything about my experience then feel free, I’m happy to share.

I have my weekly blood test this evening and I’m absolutely dreading it. If the results are still high tomorrow I’m going to be really upset. I just want them to lower so I can focus on healing and start to feel better about the situation.

It’s such a rollercoaster of emotions, It’s been 3 weeks since it happened and I still have a little cry every day. Random things set me off, and sometimes nothing at all! I’m just trying to distract myself with work, but feel the emotions if I need to.

Lots of love to you and try not to worry about your period coming.xx

Emma2021 · 23 February 2021 23:00

Hi

I went through this early january it was my first pregnancy after years if ttc and failed ivf i had gave up so was unexpected. My pregnancy symptoms disappear quite quickly along with my hormone levels. I took 3 weeks off work but the whole experIence and grieving only started after id been working for a few weeks. It took alot longer for all pain to go away and i have quite bad anxiety and disrupted sleep. The whole experience was traumatic and i dont really know how to move on.

I hope you feel better soon. I was gave very little info and feel quite kept in the dark.

LauraEmm · 27 March 2021 18:00

First of all I’m sorry to everyone that we are all here & in this position, I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy.

I stopped the contraceptive pill, got pregnant that same month & went for a private early scan simply because me & my partner were so excited, only to be told ‘pregnancy of unknown location’ & told to go to my local hospital the next day. I had NO ectopic pregnancy symptoms what so ever. Yet on the scan there was a 2cm mass in my right Fallopian tube, we were meant to be 7 weeks & 4 days pregnant.

They took my bloods & told me to wait an hour for the results incase I needed any treatment that day. My HCG was 1350, i returned 2 days later for more bloods, this time I was allowed to go home & not wait, 19:00 at night they phoned me with my results, down to 950. Again returned 2 days later for bloods again - no phone call, I phoned 3 times. At 11pm!!! They eventually phoned me back with my results now 560, told to go back in 5 days for more bloods.

In the mean time I have been in agony, spoken to others who were given codeine for pain yet I haven’t even seen a doctor since the initial bloods when they literally just chucked me out the door.

I have no idea when I will get to speak to someone - medical students are taking my bloods.

All I want to know is will this happen again? I am healthy, don’t smoke, don’t drink, don’t have PCOS or anything else.

I’m desperate to try again when this is all over but absolutely petrified.

Also dreading getting my first period after all this as according to google it’s not going to be pleasant. I’ve had no support from the hospital at all, I feel completely lost.

EPT_Host_20 · 28 March 2021 16:05

Dear Laura,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,

When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.

It is normal to feel pain and experience bleeding following ectopic pregnancy, If your pain isn’t being controlled by the pain relief you have been advised to take, please discuss this with your medical team or your GP. If your pain get suddenly worse or you feel dizzy and unwell, please seek urgent medical advice.

Many of us wonder why we have experienced ectopic pregnancy with no risk factors for it, myself included. It is important to understand that there is nothing you did to to increase the chance of having an ectopic pregnancy, from the bottom of my heart, you are not to blame.

We have more information on your body after experiencing an ectopic pregnancy on our website- the link is here-

https://ectopic.org.uk/patients/your-bo … pregnancy/

The chances of a further ectopic after a first in UK is 10%. So that’s 90% chance of the embryo being in right place next time.

While generally it is possible to conceive after an ectopic pregnancy, the amount of time it takes varies from couple to couple. Factors include age, general health, reproductive health and how often you have sex, among other things. It may be comforting to know that 65% of women are successfully pregnant within 18 months of experiencing an ectopic pregnancy and some studies suggest this rises to around 85% after two years.

It is normal to feel anxious about the future. We experience a mix of emotions from wanting to try again to being petrified of what may lie ahead. We never forget but we can learn to accept what happened. It is a slow process that might be weeks or months ahead. In time, we can get to a place where we feel comfortable trying again. When this is, is individual for each person. There is no timeframe for recovery, take each day as it comes.