Feelings

Hi, I had an ectopic pregnancy earlier this year and was eventually discharged from hospital mid March after MXT treatment. I bounced back to normal physically pretty quickly and got on with work etc as normal. As time went on through March and April, I started to feel better bit by bit and was looking forward to trying again. May was the first month of TTC and it didn’t work so felt more down than usual ( I know it’s unlikely to happen first time round but the disappointment was immense). Everyone around me just assumes I am OK now. Family members are having babies and everyone is rightly excited for them and it is the topic of conversation most of the time. I am really struggling with this and don’t want to let people know that I am actually still very upset about what happened and worried I am not coping as well as I should be. I don’t want to be the one that brings others down. So I am feeling alone in my grief and worried about not moving on enough and terrified I will never be a mum.

Mix of emotions! Any advice welcome.

Dear Suzie,

I am sorry to hear you experienced an ectopic pregnancy earlier this year, as you say the physical recovery can often be a lot quicker than the emotional recovery. The time it takes to process what you have been through and all of the emotions and feelings as a result can often be underestimated. With the treatment for your ectopic pregnancy only completing in March this year it is completely understandable you are still struggling with feelings of sadness and grief and that some days may feel much harder than others.

Family members and friends having babies around you can be very triggering and there is nothing wrong with you if you are finding this hard, and it doesn’t mean you are not coping as well as you should be or you are not happy for them, but this can be a constant reminder of what you have lost and this can understandably exacerbate your feelings of grief.

I can also understand that the first time you try to conceive after your loss, and it doesn’t work that this it is very upsetting to experience. Many people I speak to that have gone through an ectopic pregnancy fear they will never have a successful pregnancy, but I hope it brings you some comfort to know that the chances of having a future successful pregnancy are very good and 65% of women are healthily pregnant within 18 months of an ectopic pregnancy. Some studies suggest this figure rises to around 85% over two years factors such as the health of your Fallopian tube(s), age, your general and reproductive health and how often you have sex.

You say you are not coping as well as you should be, but please don’t feel pressured to be at a certain point of your emotional recovery. As I said before, how long it can take to recover emotionally is often underestimated. There is a lot of information on our website about the emotional recovery from an ectopic and I hope reading some of the information on here helps you feel less alone in the fact there are still moments you find incredibly difficult, this is to be expected: https://ectopic.org.uk/emotional-recovery

I can really relate to feeling as though the world around me kept spinning and normality resumed for everyone else around me very quickly whilst I still felt in the depths of grief. And if this has left you feeling alone, I am really sorry. Please know as we at The EPT are always here for you and this is always a space you can use to talk about how you are feeling.

Wish good wishes,

Sophie

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

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Hi Suzie

I’m sorry to hear about your ectopic pregnancy. Like you I had an ectopic in March which was treated with methotrexate, and I am still struggling everyday too. My sister is pregnant and due next month and it’s so triggering and difficult trying to be happy for her, but so so sad for me it’s almost like I feel guilty for not being as happy for her as I could be, so I completely get how your feeling and I think it’s really normal.

Just know you aren’t alone and your feelings are completely justified, I feel exactly the same as you do and I’m sure there are so many others on here that also feel the same, we will get through this! xx

Hi Suzie,

May was the first time we could try again and like you were unsuccessful. When that period came I felt like it was all so fresh and back to the day the doctors told me that I was having an ectopic. I really felt like I’d been doing so well and then was knocked back in recovery for miles! I really do think it’s normal and probably good to let people know how you’re feeling! It is your grief and emotions and you will heal they way you need to in the time you need to! I share in fearing that il never be a mum but also just have to believe that I will be one day!