Feeling confused

Preparing For Your Next Pregnancy
1

Hi,

I sadly found out I was having an ectopic pregnancy earlier this year. I had methotrexate and was off work for a few weeks following treatment. I’ve now been back at work for a while and was starting to feel better - more like myself again if that is even possible after what we’ve been through.

The last week I have felt numb as I’ve been so busy. Tonight I just feel so low and alone and don’t know how to talk to anyone about how I’m really feeling. Perhaps I have been hiding my real feelings. I feel like everywhere I look, there are babies and people with their own families. It just makes my heart ache.

My best friend had just told me she’s pregnant - I really am pleased for her but can’t help but feel jealous and like it is unfair as she already has a baby. I know that sounds so silly. I wish I didn’t feel like this.

I keep wondering why did this happen to us and I know there is no reason or explanation. We have to wait until February to try again and it just seems so far away. I have doubts in my mind that I will let my partner down again and something will go wrong but I am trying to stay hopeful for the future.

I hope this is ok to post. I didn’t know where else to go or who to speak to.

2

Hey,

I spent ages posting a reply and it never posted :disappointed:

Just know that I am here with you, going through the exact same emotions, hearing of friends pregnancy announcements and fearing for mine and my partners future. I had my injection yesterday morning and have to wait until March to try again.

If you ever need to chat I am here. Sending all my love! X

3

Dear Marty,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy loss,

Ectopic pregnancy can be a very traumatic event for some and traumatic event can take up to 3 months to begin to process.

We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We are more than happy to talk with you via email or telephone, you can ask and answer any questions you may have or we will simply listen about your experience. In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for “talking therapies” or counseling. The charity, Mind, may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/.

We hear from many women who struggle with news about pregnancy from their friends and families. This is very normal and I was the same after my loss. When I had my ectopic pregnancy I had to attend a family function and a close family member was heavily pregnant. I spent the whole day and evening avoiding her as I found it too hard to be near her. It’s what I needed to do to get through the day and have some space and please protect your heart in whatever way you need. This does not make us “bad” people and it is possible to be happy for those around us while grieving for our own loss. Pregnancies and babies can be a very stark reminder of what could have been and it can be painful. Please do be gentle with yourself and you can talk to us whenever you need.

Can I just check the amount of time you are waiting to conceive also? You mentioned you had your ectopic pregnancy earlier in the year but cannot ttc until February. If you have had either one or two injections of methotrexate, you should wait until your hCG levels have fallen to below 5mIU/mL (your doctor will advise you when this is through blood or urinary tests) and then take a folic acid supplement for 12 weeks before you try to conceive. If you have been asked to wait longer, I would discuss this with your medical team as generally there is no evidence to state you need to wait longer than 3 months.

Above all, be kind to yourself at this difficult time and allow the space you need to grieve and to heal emotionally.

We will be here for you for as long as you need.

Sending much love and warm hugs,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?

Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653

Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team

4

Hello,

Thank you so much for your reply. It is good to know these feeling and emotions are normal- and I will definitely look into the Mind charity.

My ectopic pregnancy was in September but I didn’t have the methotrexate until October, then my HcG levels took 5 weeks to return back to ‘normal’ so that takes me up to the end of January/ February.

Thank you for sharing your experience about the family function I have felt very similar at one recently too. I find the hardest question is “do you have children?” As I never know how to answer.

I’m trying to stay hopeful about the future.

Thanks again

M x

5

Hello Elephant +1

Thank you for your reply.

It is good to know I am not alone. I have tried to open up to people about what has happened and what we’ve been through and it sometimes helps. But then other times I just want to sit and cry by myself. It definitely helps to speak to people who have been through the same thing though as we just understand each others feelings and emotions. Mine seem to come and go in waves.

Thanks again for the kind message

Sending hugs to you and your partner too x