I had an ectopic pregnancy in may, and im still really down, everybody i see and know seems to be pregnant, i havent gone back to work yet as i cant face it. I have no kids and ive just turned 35 any advice would be great
Dear Thatlady29,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,
The feelings you describe are very understandable. You have had so much to process in a very small timeframe - the ordeal of diagnosis, treatment, losing a pregnancy and concerns about the future. Any one of these is hard to contend with and putting it all together is immense. It on average takes around 3 months to start processing traumatic events.
After a frightening ordeal like ectopic pregnancy, some women find that they suffer from Post Traumatic Stress and symptoms can include anxiety and not being able to focus on everyday things like work. There are avenues to seek help.
We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there’s no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We’ll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.
In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for “talking therapies” or counselling. We have information on our website about finding counselling services.
The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/
Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.
Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x
The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards
During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?
Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653
Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
I know how you feel and I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m in a similar situation. I had an ectopic pregnancy in January. My husband and I were trying to conceive and when we found out I was pregnant we were so excited to start our family together (we also do not have any children). I was devastated by the ectopic and even now 7 months later don’t feel that I’ve completely recovered emotionally. I’m 33 years old and most of my friends are currently pregnant or with newborns (majority of these are their second child). I often feel jealous and resentful when I see others pregnant which makes me feel awful. We have been trying to conceive for the past 3 months (we had to wait 3 months since I was treated with methotrexate) and a few days ago I had a “chemical pregnancy”. Even though it was much less traumatic than the ectopic, I fell apart emotionally since all the feels around the ectopic came flooding back with yet another pregnancy loss. We’re going to keep trying and I’m trying to stay optimistic but it truly has been an emotional roller coaster. I hope you hang in there and know that you’re not alone.
I’m feeling the same. Really down. Not like me at all, I’m used to coping. I’m in week 10 after 2 doses of methotrexate after being diagnosed at 6 weeks 3 days and still have no period. I only reached 0 hcg 3 weeks ago. She said I was ‘ovulatory’ at my scan 3 weeks ago when I reached 0. but I still have no period which just makes me question all of her examinations all along as it’s been really vague but the ‘mass’ is still there in her words. I wasn’t offered a choice of treatment only methotrexate. Being 38 at this stage is torture as I really am worried this was my only chance of being a mum. I’m scared about my marriage as my husband really wants children and I feel to blame for this happening. The UK system of dealing with ectopic pregnancy really needs an overhaul as you get no information whatsoever once you’ve reached 0 and very little beforehand. Or even out of date advice from consultants about wait times after methotrexate. My first scan she said it could have been due to an infected tube which made me panic that I’d caused it to the last appointment when she said it may not even be in my tube as they can’t see tubes on the scan?? No wonder people have issues after something as traumatic as this happening but when I tried to speak to my GP he honestly had no clue what I could look into privately as I don’t qualify for any extra tests on the nhs. He also gave me the 6 months before trying talk. He didn’t even know where I would go for info on fertility treatment. I just feel let down by the whole system. If it is 6 months as advised by consultant and Dr then at my age I should have been told this and told to have the op as I could have tried again sooner and every month at my age is critical according to the medical profession. Why It wasn’t even discussed?
I deal with hr in my office and have to currently deal with maternity leave for someone due 2 weeks after what would have been my due date. She told us this week she’s pregnant. I’d just started to feel more hopeful myself but this has knocked me right back. Don’t get me wrong as I’m really happy for her and look forward to meeting her bundle but it’s so going to be torture seeing her pregnancy advance at the same stage mine should have been. At my age my hopes are next to 0. We work in such a small office it’s going to be impossible to avoid. I really do think my situation would be much better if the after support and advice was there. Sorry for the ramble x
Hi,
I’m so sorry to hear about your experience and how you have been treated. I wanted to let you know your not alone and I feel exactly the same. I am 39 I don’t have any children and this was my first pregnancy after trying for the last 11 months. I had a very similar experience to yours with no help or advice whatsoever. It was only when I was getting my methotrexate injection from the on call consultant that I actually seen an Dr. I was fobbed on from the moment I contacted them to say I thought I was having a miscarriage. I was told to wait 3 weeks and then get back in touch. I contacted my own GP who wasn’t interested told me it sounded like a miscarriage and to wait and see what happens, despite me telling them I was in pain in my lower left abdomen and bleeding a lot. It’s absolutely disgusting the way we are treated and adds more trauma to an already devastating and traumatic experience.
Now to add insult to injury my GP won’t refer me for fertility tests even though it was recommended by the consultant as she said you got pregnant to begin with so there isn’t an issue.
My thoughts are with you and I only hope things change soon so other women don’t have to experience this sort of treatment xx