It’s been about 3 months since my wife had her third ectopic pregnancy. This time really threw us both, as it was a stump ectopic.
My wife has had a lot of changes since the event:
mildly delusional, for example she is writing in her journal messages which are not fully coherent. She talks about mystical things and is out of her normal character
hyperarousal, for example I have noticed she has bought a vibrator and she has taken photos on her phone which are sensual in nature
anger, for example, she is very angry at me. She has taken off her wedding rings and insists we sleep separately
obsessive, for example, she is listening to music very often, again often peculiar choices. She is on Instagram many hours every day also. She is also messaging strange peculiar on here which makes me sad and hurt.
I’m trying to step back as much as possible to let her figure this out, but really hurt by the changes. It is completely out of character and really worried she does something stupid, like cheat on me or hurt herself.
She has talking therapy via Bupa but I am really unsure what she told them and whether the support is appropriate. At a loss on what to do next, we have only been married for 4 years but she is the one and only for me, and never intended for IVF to take this double cruel path…
Dear st_46,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy losses.
It sounds as though you are respecting her boundaries which is a good step.
Not knowing the full details, I wonder if your wife is experiencing PTSD (post traumatic stress) symptoms. The counselling for this is different to general talking therapies.
I also wonder about your relationship in sleeping separately and her using toys. Is there any concern about penetrative sex or the possibility of becoming pregnant. She maybe scared, feel guilty and sad. This maybe showing itself as anger and by pushing you away.
You seem to have given her space, are you able to speak to her about your concerns too? This could be about your relationship as well as your concerns for her.
Possibly suggest some couples counselling so you can both support each other as this cannot be easy for you either.
We are also here for you as you need.
Best wishes,
Karen x
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