Hello
I had an ectopic back in October and lost my left tube. As you can imagine it left me heartbroken and am still healing from the experience. My husband was so supportive (as he always is) but his grief was more through fear of losing me than the baby.
I am now eager to try again and although I know I will be on edge throughout another pregnancy, I would love another child. My husband would like to expand the family too, but he is terrified something will happen to me and doesn’t want to risk it if it meant putting me through it again or losing me and I know he’s torn between these feelings.
I completely respect how he is feeling and maybe in time he will be strong enough emotionally to try again, but has anyone else had similar/found a way to reassure their partner? He had to cope with losing a sibling a few years back and my first pregnancy was very complicated so I don’t feel I can just say to him it’s one of those things etc…I know he won’t want to speak to a councillor. Is IVF a viable option?
Thanks for your help in advance x
Hi Loulou21,
The emotions associated with ectopic pregnancy and loss are not only felt by women, and as you say, our partners feel these losses as well. I appreciate your mention of your husband being most afraid of losing you, and I have a partner who expressed that as well. Women and men process and communicate grief in different ways. Your husband has been through so much.
I know you mention that he might not be interested in counseling, however, I did want to provide a few options for consideration. In addition to the Men’s Forum on this discussion board, we have information on our website on emotional recovery. As well, If you think it may help, we can certainly arrange to speak to you and your husband about what you have been through and be a shoulder to lean on. My colleagues and I have also experienced ectopic pregnancy and understand how heartbreaking it is. You can ask any questions or simply tell us about the horrible time you have been through.
For a route into counseling, the charity, Mind, may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis (you pay what you can afford) or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/. You can also speak to your GP specifically about local counseling services and referral for talking therapies.
I’m not medically qualified to advise on IVF treatment, but would certainly encourage you to keep the communication open with your husband and whichever direction you choose, continue to share your own hopes and thoughts with him.
With good wishes,
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Email us at ept@ectopic.org.uk.
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