I don’t know what to do

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1

I’m not usually someone to post on this kind of site but I’m really struggling. Ill apologise in advance for the rambling.

My and wife we have had unfortunately had a miscarriage last year just shortly after we got married, this is the first step we have had to get over. It’s still very much effecting us both. We still talk about it regularly. A couple of months later we decided that we where going to try for an baby. This we did, took a while for my wife to fall pregnant, my wife was thinking that she isn’t going to be able to get pregnant due to the miscarriage. Come January this year we found out that my wife was pregnant again! This sent a lot of mix emotions, excitement and very nervous! Nervous about having anther miscarriage which is very understandable!

A coupe of weeks passes and my partner starting feeling like there wasn’t something right, she was getting pains in her left shoulder. We managed to get to the hospital but unfortunately we have ended up having a ectopic pregnancy! My wife was rushed down to surgery as it had ruptured. This was very scary for the both of us! During the procedure they have removed the left tube. Which we understand this was necessary because it was damaged etc.

we have spoken regularly about the ectopic, but as of lately I feel like she’s pushing me away, I feel like she’s going through a breakdown inside, not knowing what to do. I feel like she needs some more professional help but I don’t know how to address this with her without making her more upset if you know what I mean.

Currently we are having a little ‘break’ just so that she can get her head sorted.

But my main concern is that she’s pushing me away because she feels like she’s unable to give me what I’m wanting in the future. I.e children. I’ve tried saying to her that as long as I have you that’s all that matters.

I’m just suck in a situation on not knowing what to do.

Sorry for rambling I just needed to talk about it.

It’s messing with my head massively

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Dear Archie,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy loss,

It is very common to hear partners in different head spaces following a loss.

When people or couples experience ectopic pregnancy it can lead to very deep and sometimes differing emotions. There are so many emotions your wife is trying to come to terms with right now. When we experience ectopic pregnancy, we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, reduction in fertility and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal putting them together is immense and it can take some time to even begin to process these feelings. Many women also feel guilt that they aren’t able to have the child they and their partner desperately desire.

I know when I had my ectopic pregnancy, I was initially upset with my husband as to me, he didn’t seem to recognise our loss. He was.never sad about the loss of our baby and that really upset me. In reality, he says that he was so concerned about me that he didn’t have time to think about our loss and he did also admit that as it was so early on in the pregnancy, he hadn’t really thought about it being a baby yet.

The fact that you have posted here means you are trying to be as supportive as you possibly can and that is wonderful. She may just need a little time right now to figure out her own feelings. You can always give her the details of our website so she can look through information, read posts on these forums and this may help her start to process her emotions and help her feel less alone, which may encourage her to start opening up to you.

You also have to be mindful of your own feelings too. You have had to watch your wife to through all of this and have lost a baby too. We are also here for you. We have a specific Mens Board, for you to look at it you wish. You may also find reading posts from other men in your position helpful too.

For now, try to.keep.open channels of communication, gently let her know how you are feeling and be ready to actively listen to how she is feeling too.

We will be here for you both for as long as you need,

Sending much love,

Karen x

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