Dealing with 2 Ectopic’s in 8 Months

Men's Space
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Hi, I thought that I would reach out on here to see if there is anyone who has been in a similar situation. It’s so hard to talk about this with friends and family because unless they have been through it themselves they don’t really understand the pain that’s associated with my wife and I’s situation.

My wife suffered her first ectopic in early February this year. She was about 6-7 weeks along. We’d gotten pregnant after our first time really trying. It’s was heartbreaking to say the least and a huge shock for us both. She ended up loosing her left tube. The doctors couldn’t pinpoint a reason as to why it had happened.

It was an incredibly difficult time as lockdowns were still in place so we couldn’t go out and take our mind of things. I took a week off work to look after her and then because of our financial needs, I went back to work.

We started trying again in May, 3 months after my wife’s operation. We found out she was pregnant again at the end of August. Everything looked good, she was having regular blood tests but unfortunately after about 4 weeks she suffered horrendous pains and cramps and an emergency scan revealed that it was ectopic in her remaining right tube and it had ruptured. After her surgery the consultant suggested that her remaining tube looked “a little too long” but again, no real reason as to why this had happened again. Nothing was flagged up after her first surgery, the only reason the doctors removed her first tube was because everything else “looked good!”

We were both broken, however as it was a situation of “here we go again””after the second time I would say that we dealt with it a bit better.

We’re at the end of November now and we have both just had our first base line fertility assessments for IVF on the NHS. The reality of the whole year hit me when I went for my tests. I just hope everything is all alright with my sperm. I would hate myself it they were reason this had happened. As my work has started to slow down the whole experience had caught up with me.

It’s difficult to describe how I’m feeling. I’m trying to remain optimistic but I’m so worried that things won’t work out for us. It hard not really knowing why this has happened. We a both healthy fairly active people and neither if us smoke. I’m trying my hardest to be strong for my wife and look after her the best I can…but I wish I had someone else to talk to who had been through a similar experience.

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Hi Nick,

My heart goes out to you for having to experience an ectopic pregnancy and loss again. I have been in a very similar situation in 2010, my first ectopic in February, my second in August. Both ruptured, and both without cause. Like you expressed, it all caught up with me a few months after - after the adrenaline had worn off. I ended up leaving my very stressful job and committing to new wellness/less stress routines. There is no evidence I can point to saying those decisions helped in any specific ways, but they helped my emotional recovery.

It’s very important to remember that there is nothing we do to cause an ectopic pregnancy and nothing we can do to prevent it. There are increased incident rates if you experience one, but equally a 90% chance of implantation in the right location. Even today, I have no idea why I experienced my ectopic pregnancies. While I was anxious during my future pregnancies, I also knew where to get support, through the EPU, and the questions to ask and monitoring that I advocated having.

I’m glad you have found these boards. I hope they provide you with comfort that you are not alone. I know my husband just shoved all his emotions deep inside, and it would have been beneficial had he found a place like these boards. We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can help the healing process. We are more than happy to talk with you by the email or telephone, and answer any questions you may have or simply listen about your experience.

In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for “talking therapies” or counselling. The charity, Mind, may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/.

I encourage both you and your wife to be kind to yourselves in this recovery. We suffer both physical and emotional trauma through ectopic pregnancy, and it can take some time to feel back to ourselves. Please know we are here for you for as long as you need.

With good wishes,

Michele

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards

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Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk

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