Heart broken after 3 Ectopics

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So i had my first ectopic back in 2016. I had 2 injections with neither working resulting in me losing my left tube. Fast forward 4yrs with ttc, i then had my second ectopic this year March in my right tube. This again was treated with the injection which was this time successful. 5 months on (August) after a positive pregnancy test i am told i have another ectopic pregnancy again in my right tube. To say i am heartbroken is an understatement! I am currently day 4 post the injection and i just feel so lost and empty. I was informed by the Dr’s that as this is the second ectopic in my right tube that i would no longer have a successful chance in concieving naturally. I am only 30yrs old. I feel like all my future dreams that i had have just been ripped away from me. My emotions are through the roof. I can not stop crying. I feel so alone like no one understands what im going through. Does anyone else have a similar experience? Does the hurt ever go away? Will i ever feel ‘normal’ again?

X

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Hi Loza09,

I’m so sorry to hear you’ve suffered these losses. It’s important for you to remember that there was nothing you did to cause nor nothing that could have prevented an ectopic pregnancy. Many women experience a mix of feelings and this can include grief, hurt at loss and anger. Trying not to blame yourself is important, as it is no fault of yours, and nothing sadly, could have been done from stopping the ectopic pregnancy or miscarriage from happening.

Often the precise reason for an ectopic pregnancy may never be known. Sadly there is nothing that can be done to guarantee that it will never happen again and it isn’t because of something you did or didn’t do. Sometimes these feelings are hard to communicate with others, and for that reason, we at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can help the healing process.

We operate a helpline service, and there’s no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely, and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too if you prefer that route.

Also, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help, and this can include referrals for “talking therapies” or counselling. We have information on our website about finding counselling services. The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

No matter what, we are here for you whenever you need. Please know you are not alone and take all the time you need to look after yourself and recover. We are here for you whenever you want to talk.

With good wishes,

Michele

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards

During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?

Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653

Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team

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Hi loza09

So sorry you’ve been through this.

I’ve had 3 losses; 2x ectopics & 1x miss-carriage.

I’ve had my left tube removed aswell.

It is very hard & 2bh I don’t think we will ever feel normal again.

My last loss was in May this year & I feel like a changed person, a different person. One that carries this scar physically & emotionally always.

Sometimes it’s too much & I can’t face a day because of it & others it’s my connection to the babies I’ve lost & only mine. No-one else got to feel them or sense them just me & it’s a strange kind of comfort I have from it.

I am not a success story in TTC or in ‘moving my on but I’m still going.

I’m still trying everyday & battling against it.

All I can say is what go with however you feel. Don’t try to be anything else or different, what we go through is awful & the support is so limited. Take each day as it comes & if it’s a good day go with it & allow yourself to have it. If it’s a bad day so what, take your time out get through it & do what you need to for you.

Wish you the best x