Hello, I am new to this but feel I really need some advice from someone who has been in my shoes.
Last month I had an ectopic pregnancy and lost my left tube. I think I am recovering ok physically but mentally I am really struggling. As well as the obvious feelings of sadness and shock I am struggling with the uncertainty and the lack of information about why this has happened and what it means for the future.
In my search for answers, I have obviously discovered that smoking is a risk factor. I was not actively trying to get pregnant, although I was pleased when I found out I was, and so was smoking when I conceived. In the absence of any other explanation I am utterly convinced that this is what caused the ectopic pregnancy, the loss of my baby and the loss of my tube. The guilt and regret is overwhelming and the fear that I have done irreversible damage and may never have a healthy pregnancy in the future is unbearable.
Rationally, I know I won’t be the first or the last woman to smoke and that many have gone on to have healthy babies. But at times the guilt is so bad I feel I have no right to be sad or accept any sympathy because I have brought this on myself. I know that smoking is not healthy but took the risk for myself never knowing that I was risking future babies in this way.
I guess I am wondering if anyone else has had an ectopic pregnancy and been a smoker, how you dealt with the extra layer of guilt and whether you went on to have healthy pregnancies in the future? Thank you and apologies for the long post!