Found out my sister in law is pregnant 3 weeks after my ectopic…

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Hi all…three weeks ago I had emergency surgery for a ruptured ectopic. It was my first pregnancy after struggling with hormone imbalances and stress for a long time. We were never really “trying” in a formal sense but we both want children and I particularly have always wanted a large family…now at 31 after this experience I feel like that may never happen.

Yesterday, my husband’s sister gleefully called him to announce that he’s going to be an uncle yet again. No mention of me even existing. She knows I had an ectopic very recently but she never reached out even though she did reach out to my husband early on when we thought it was just a miscarriage. She was kept updated of everything but once the ectopic happened it was like she fell off the face of the earth…

It just feels so unfair. Sorry in advance for the family drama but I feel it’s relevant. Her situation is a complete mess after having been cheated on by her exhusband while she was pregnant with their 2nd last year. Her exhusband got the “mistress” pregnant and shared his intention to marry her so they got divorced earlier this year. The exhusband remarried so now their family consists of their 2 kids plus his new wife’s 2 kids from a previous marriage and their new baby. Everyone involved is suffering financially, moving all the time, no stable life and we feel so sorry for all the children involved. Now my sister in law is pregnant again with a man she’s only known for 6 months.

I can’t help feeling anger, resentment and envy. How come people with such bad situations get to bring more children into it??? How can someone who has only been dating someone a few months get to have a child?? My husband looked absolutely gutted when she made her “announcement”. He was standing with his forehead against the wall and just uttered “congrats I guess?” and she made a fuss about how he didn’t seem genuinely excited for her. It broke my heart to see my husband so sad. How can we be expected to be happy about this in light of our recent loss and the apparent disaster that their life has become??

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Hi WhoKnows999,

I’m so sorry to hear about your ectopic pregnancy and loss. Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy is both a physical and emotional trauma. The boards here are filled with women and men who are, sadly, bound by these experiences. These are safe spaces for you to share your thoughts, ask questions, and just vent. They are also filled with positive stories which can help heal the pain and move you forward.

It is very normal to have waves of emotion following the experience. There is no set pathway for recovery and for every woman it is very unique. But also, our physical recovery is often quicker than our emotional recovery. This can especially be the case when we encounter others’ pregnancies. It is very natural to feel a mix of emotions when we see other people with pregnancies and children. We can feel happy for them, but we also are grieving our own loss and what might have been. Please be kind to yourself and encourage your husband to do the same.

It may sound simple, but I found journalling a good way to put my thoughts on paper and my husband to do the same so we could process them individually and share them with one another. Each of our experiences is unique, even if it is shared. If you would like to talk, our team is available via email or phone at the contact details below. I want you to know that we are here for you throughout this journey.

With good wishes,

Michele

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

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