Hi all im emma, i had an ectopic pregnancy in september last year and thought i had gotton over it but my sisterinlaw has just announced shes 4 months pregnant and i feel like im back to square one again emotionally.
When it happened i didnt even know i was pregnant (although we were trying for our 3rd) so was rushed into surgery with extreme stomach pains after they confirmed it was an ep. I had to have my right ovary and tube removed and spent 3 days in hospital and was a long recovery after.
I thought not knowing i was pregnant in the first place made it easier to deal with afterwards as it was just physically but after talking to my gp, the stomach pains i had meant my tube had ruptured (and would of been around 8 weeks pregnant) and i was in great pain with my chest also and they said that was my blood poisoning me. I do feel extremely lucky and thankful to be well again.
In the last month i have felt ready to start trying again although my husband felt differently as he couldnt see me go through the same thing again so i have been fairly emotional anyway. And to then find out my sisterinlaw is 4 months pregnant without her trying and knowing was a massive shock. I have spent the last 2 days just crying and cant help thinking i would of been 6-7 months pregnant myself at this point. I know i have to face her as usually we are quite close and its not her fault but i feel like i dont want to be around her at all or have anything to do with her baby which i know is really selfish and i feel horrible for feeling like this.
My husband does sort of understand and is supporting me but he admits he doesnt feel like this.
Hi Emma, I know how you feel. I had my ep in July last year after 2 years of trying. Like you I didn’t know until it was too late.
I found out whilst I was recovering that my ex’s fiancee was pregnant and we were due the same day (next Friday). I’ve been doing ok but their son was born this morning and I’m devastated. That suould be me amd watching my 8 year old be so excited about something I’ve failed to give her kills me.
Does your sister-in-law know about your ep? Maybe you could tell her how you’re feeling. I had an mc 6 years ago and a good friend of mine was pg too (due a couple of weeks apart). She was amazing and accepted that some days I could see her and chat but some days I couldn’t even be in the same room as her. It helped me heal enormously.
It’s so normal to feel like this and you just have to do what you need to in order to get through each day. Be as ‘selfish’ as you need to be x
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss.
There is no time frame for emotional recovery following the loss of our babies. Seven years later and I still get very sad on the anniversary of my loss, I think I always will.
We hear from many women who struggle with news about pregnancy from their friends and families. This is very normal and I was the same after my loss. When I had my ectopic pregnancy I had to attend a family function and a close family member was heavily pregnant. I spent the whole day and evening avoiding her as I found it too hard to be near her. It’s what I needed to do to get through the day and have some space and please protect your heart in whatever way you need. This does not make us “bad” people and it is possible to be happy for those around us while grieving for our own loss. Pregnancies and babies can be a very stark reminder of what could have been and it can be painful. Please do be gentle with yourself and you can use the boards whenever you need.
As El Mc has mentioned, can you talk to your sister in law just so she has an understanding of how you feel and can support you on your emotional recovery.
Sending much love,
Karen x
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Thank you for the replies and your kind words… they have helped alot in not feeling lonely. I did take your advice and talk to my sisterinlaw and it helped massively, she completely understood and told me to just do what i have to do to be ok
Like i said before i think i would be very lost if it wasnt for these forums so thank you
