4 weeks ago today I began symptoms of my ectopic pregnancy. I thought it was just a really bad period and done nothing about it until the pain was so bad I just stayed in bed crying. 3 days later I went to the doctor to be told I managed to be one of the 0.2% to fall pregnant on the Mirena Coil (UID). After removing this the doctor confirmed it was an ectopic pregnancy and that night whilst in hospital it ruptured and I was sent for an emergency operation.
Now 3 weeks post op I am seeing everyone enjoying/announcing their pregnancy and I am so jealous. Why is that not me? Why am I not telling the world my little girl will be a big sister? I only knew about the pregnancy a couple of hours before it was taken away but my mind has gone into mega baby mode and I am constantly looking at baby stuff.
Does this go away or will I always be jealous and wishing it was me?
I know how you feel. I have been going through the same emotions. I am 3 weeks post op and this was my first pregnancy which ended up being ectopic. I am seeing all these cute preggo ladies and newborns and my heart hurts. To make it worse, my sister just announced to the family that she is expecting her second child. I want to be happy for her but i feel like this was my news to share. She has a 15 month old and i dont even have my first one. I feel so guilty and bad for feeling this way.
I hope this feeling passes for both of us. Hang in there!
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancies and losses.
When we experience ectopic pregnancy, we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.
We hear from many women who struggle with news about pregnancy from their friends and families. This is very normal and I was the same after my loss. When I had my ectopic pregnancy I had to attend a family function and a close family member was heavily pregnant. I spent the whole day and evening avoiding her as I found it too hard to be near her. It’s what I needed to do to get through the day and have some space and please protect your heart in whatever way you need. This does not make us “bad” people and it is possible to be happy for those around us while grieving for our own loss. Pregnancies and babies can be a very stark reminder of what could have been and it can be painful. Please do be gentle with yourself and you can talk to us whenever you need.
There is no time frame for how long it takes us to heal emotionally and it is completely normal to feel anxious about the future. We will never forget our pregnancy or babies but we can learn to accept what has happened and crucially understand that it wasn’t our fault.
Sending much love,
Karen x
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