First ectopic

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1

Hello,

I discovered I had an ectopic pregnancy 4 days ago and was rushed into surgery. I was 15 weeks along and completely unaware I was pregnant. My husband and I had done an IVF cycle last Nov but since I got what I thought was a period 8 days post transfer I didn’t do a test. Of course I’m kicking myself now but I was so convinced the bleed was a period. Fast forward a few weeks and we are in South Africa for our wedding where I have two bouts of quite extreme diarrhea and stomach cramping/bloating. I knew something was off but put it down to possible IBS and stress of a wedding in a foreign country.

Things came to a head 4 days ago when I simply could not cope with the pain. I felt dizzy and devoid of strength. I went to casualty where they quickly noticed my alarming levels of iron and low blood pressure. After more tests it was confirmed it was an ectopic pregnancy. I cannot describe the shock and the aftershocks that followed. The surgeon wouldn’t be able to do the surgery laporascopically as the baby was too big. Then another shock that I’d probably lose my right ovary and tube too. There was no time to process this as I was quickly wheeled into surgery where thankfully although I lost a lot of blood it was a success and I’m on the mend. I’m aware how lucky I am to be alive.

Mentally I feel shell shocked. I knew hardly anything about ectopic and I think why me. Especially after ivf why couldn’t it have been a viable pregnancy. What does this mean for my future chances of having baby? I’m also struggling with the sheer trauma of how fatal things could have been. And I’m beating myself up for not listening to my body sooner and getting myself to casualty at an earlier point. I cry all the time for the loss and shock of it all and I wonder how I’m going to pull myself out from this.

It’s good to know I’m not alone and I’ve taken comfort in others posts. If anyone has any advice on how to navigate these early days please let me know. I’m still in South Africa waiting for sign off by the doctor before I can fly home to the UK. I’m terrified of everything now…wondering is all ok with my body. I definitely need counselling of some sort.

Thanks for any thoughts/wisdom/advice.

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Dear bookworm_39,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss, especially being in another country. From your own words, I can imagine what a frightening experience this must be.

When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.

Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy is a huge ordeal and you are in the early stages of recovery. Your body needs time to heal from your surgery which is in itself a gruelling task. You should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body’s signals and pain and feeling tired are your body’s signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.

Your feelings at the moment are absolutely natural, and it is normal to feel isolated, especially as you are so far away from all your home comforts, however if the bad days start to outweigh the good, we would advise speaking to someone.

We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there’s no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We’ll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for “talking therapies” or counselling. We have information on our website about finding counselling services.

The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

These boards are a safe space to share, ask questions, or to vent. They are filled with people who have been through similar experiences and journeys, and we are here for you for as long as you need.

Sending much love,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?

Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653

The latest EPT newsletter is out now! You can take a look at the Winter edition and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team

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Dear bookworm_39,

I’m really sorry for what you have been through.

I just wanted to share my thought to you as your story for many aspects was similar to mine. I was too unaware of being pregnant and was rushed to the hospital while on holiday. I know the feeling of guilt for not knowing and the feeling of injustice, why me? I just wanted to tell you to take your time, to cry, to get angry, to love and let others love you. Don’t be afraid to ask for help to your partner or your friends, or a counsellor and remember you are not alone in this. I found very helpful to come to read the forum in the first months after the surgery.

All my best wishes for your healing.

Anna