First Ectopic now miscarriage I’m so scared

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Im 29, will be 30 in May. Last June after 2 years of trying I found out I was pregnant me and my boyfriend were so happy but it was Ectopic. I was treated with Methotrexate and discharged from the hospital around 6 weeks later. In January of this year we found out I was pregnant again when we saw the positive we were scared it was going to be another ectopic it’s a shame because the whole experience of finding our you’re pregnant isn’t a happy one for us anymore it’s been ruined by what has happened. I rang my local EPAU and they booked me in for when I was 6 weeks. After three scans in February yesterday they confirmed it was a blighted ovum were absolutely gutted for it to have gone wrong again we were so happy when they said it was a pregnancy in the uterus but yesterday they said that although the sac has formed for some reason the baby didn’t start to grow. I’m booked in for Monday morning to have the tablets to start the miscarriage off and I’m just so scared. My gut instinct is that it’s going to be really painful and heavy bleeding. Also I know it might sound stupid but I don’t take tablets well at the best of times and at the moment my anxiety is through the roof I’m worried I’m not going to be able to swallow the tablets and it’s all just a nightmare. I feel like such a failure for it to happen twice my body just can’t do what it’s supposed to do.

I know it’s not a nice subject to ask questions about but has anybody had these tablets or a miscarriage? Would you mind giving me some information about what to except? I’m terrified. Thank you xx

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Dear Sunshinewalk88,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and losses. To experience one loss is difficult to deal with multiple losses is heartbreaking and my heart truly goes out to you.

I haven’t had to take the tablets so cannot give you an account on a personal level. The nurses/doctors/midwives on the EPU, will be best place to answer your questions on taking the tablets and I’m sure will offer any support and advice you require.

I know that when I had my ectopic pregnancy I also looked for a reason and almost automatically we tend to blame ourselves. From the bottom of my heart, there is nothing you could have done to prevent the ectopic pregnancy or this recent loss from happening. I cannot emphasise enough - you are not to blame.

There is no time frame for how long it takes us to heal emotionally and it is completely normal to feel anxious about the future. We will never forget our pregnancies or babies but we can learn to accept what has happened and crucially understand that it wasn’t our fault. Please be kind to yourself and I send you gentle hugs x

We will be here for you for as long as you need, and I will be thinking of you tomorrow,

Sending much love and warm hugs,

Karen x

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?

Further information is available at www.ectopic.org.uk

Email us at ept@ectopic.org.uk.

Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.

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Hi Sunshinewalk88

I’m sorry to hear about your losses. It’s not an easy time for you and I can totally understand what your going through as I went through exactly the same…I had an ectopic pregnancy 2 years ago and then just recently I went through a miscarriage.

Initially I decided to opt for the natural process but after a week it got very difficult and I decided to take the tablets.

They are only small so don’t think you will have an issue swallowing them. I took 4 in total think 1 of them was an anti sickness one. I was told they work better if they can be left to dissolve under your tongue.

Within 30mins of taking them I started getting period like cramps which got more severe later on…you can take pain killers and I’d advice you to keep a hot water bottle and I just stayed in bed. My pain lasted 10 hours but unfortunately the tablets didn’t work for me!

I don’t want to put you off as I know a few people and they have for them so I guess we are all different and our body’s work differently.

Wish you the best, I will be thinking of you. Keep us posted x

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Thank you for coming back to me. I went to the EPAU appointment this morning and they scanned me again. They measured the sac and it’s 24mm they said the guidelines are that they can’t give me the medication until it’s 25mm. So it was 1mm too small! I’m booked in next Tuesday for another scan by then I’m assuming it will have grown the 1mm and I’ll be given the medication to start the miscarriage off. I asked the midwife today how many tablets it is and she said it’s 4 but I don’t swallow them anyway there inserted into the vagina. Plus we can take them home with us and do it all at home. So although I’ve got to wait another week I feel better that I haven’t got to swallow the tablets and that we can do it at home. I’ll keep you posted. The midwife also said that I could go my GP and ask to be referred for tests as I’ve had two failed pregnancies. Can I ask if you went onto have children? We have no children and I’m so drained I don’t know if I can go through all of this again. Thanks xx

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Yes my first pregnancy was my son who has has just turned 4. But not been in luck after that even though I’m very grateful I have him.

He’s always saying I want a baby brother and sister :frowning:

It is very draining, I feel the same but we can’t give up hope, we have to think positive and hopefully positive will happen

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Sunshine walk 88 I’m really sorry to hear all ur going through is so hard n heartbreaking. I can’t relate to have to taking tablets but I suffered a miscarriage at 11 wks pregnant in October 14 and started miscarring at home after my scan n then had an opp to get rid of what was left in me n the pain stopped after that… But I still had to heal. I got pregnant again 3 months later and at 7 wks pregnant I had an ectopic pregnancy / miscarriage… They weren’t sure which it definitely was and had to go back to hospital for regular blood tests til my levels were below 5. I know how hard it it n heartbreaking n u need to give ur self time to heal physically but mentally n emotionally too.

My bf n I still ttc again after 2 periods later n it took longer to conceive the 3rd time… I was of course scared of another miscarriage or ectopic n thought I couldn’t get pregnant again too… I went to my docs to ask to be referered for tests to see why it was taking long n if something was wrong with me but after 6/7 months of ttc I was lucky to get pregnant a 3rd time. Of course I was scared during my pregnancy n it makes it hard to enjoy the beginning of the pregnancy but I had a 6 wks scan n 12 wks n 17 wks n 20 wks scan n all was well… I gave birth to my baby girl in October 16 and she’s now a healthy nearly 17 months old baby girl. So I was so happy n blessed to finally get my healthy rainbow baby.

I know it’s hard after all u go through n its scary to try again n I did think about not trying again especially after a 2nd loss… But if I can get my healthy rainbow baby so can u.

I hope ur going to be OK n u have support around u… I’m sending you hugs n am here if u have anything you want to ask me. Please give ur self time to heal.

Princess Pink x x x

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Thank you for taking the time to message me Princess Pink.

I’m really pleased you had a healthy pregnancy and now have a lovely baby girl.

I just can’t believe we’re having so many problems trying to start a family at first I thought I was arrogant thinking we wouldn’t have any problems and have a healthy pregnancy first time round but I think most couples feel that way don’t they unless they know they’ve got fertility issues. I feel really naive now before when we first decided to start a family I hadn’t even heard of an ectopic pregnancy I didn’t even know what it was.

As you had two failed pregnancies you said you went to your gp to be referred do you mind me asking if he did refer you? After I’m over my miscarriage I’m going to do the same I’ll go to my gp and ask to be referred the hospital I’m being treated at will see women who have had two miscarriages but as I’ve had one ectopic and one miscarriage the nurse said technically I’ve only had one miscarriage (if that makes sense) so she said I would still go to your gp because he can only say no and then I’ve not lost anything.

I went to my hospital appointment yesterday and she scanned me and said she could give me the tablets to bring the miscarriage on but as I’ve already started bleeding I can now just let nature take it’s course so I decided on not having the tablets. I’m at home now and it just feels like a normal period so I don’t think I’m over the worst of it yet. I might go back and get the tablets in a couple of days if it hasn’t started properly as this whole thing is just now dragging on and until it’s over me and my boyfriend can’t start to deal with it or move on. I really wish now I would have just had the operation it could have been done the next day.

I hope we will try again even though it’s really scary having the thought that something might go wrong I think having a child for the rest of my life outweighs that plus I’m going through a miscarriage now and I know I would still try again.

Thanks for messaging me and sorry for the long message it’s good chatting to people who have been through it xxx

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Hi Sunshine walk 88, It’s OK. I’m glad if my messages on here can help you in any way. I found this forum site after my 2nd pregnancy loss. I think ur really brave to be coming on here talking to people and sharing your experience with us as ur still going through it right now, do you should be proud of ur self.

I started talking to ladies on here when I was ttc for my 3rd pregnancy, so there was a group of us supporting each other over the months as we were all ttc after pregnancy losses. It helped me a lot to have the support from women who understood what I had been through and we were all ttc at same time and as each of us were lucky to get pregnant again we would be there for each other throughout our pregnancies… That really helped me… So iv stayed on here to offer support to others when I can.

Thanks so much for your kind words :slight_smile: I know I am blessed to have my healthy baby girl.

I think it’s normal that you thought you would have a healthy normal pregnancy first time round. I thought the same as you… Especially as I have so many niece’s n nephews from my brothers n sisters and they had no problems and especially my twin sister has 4 healthy kids so I expected the same for me. So I totally get where you are coming from. I too didn’t know about ectopic… I had heard of it and I knew someone who had one before but I thought it was really rare. So don’t be do hard on ur self.

Some of us unfortunately have to go through alot of pain before we get our beautiful babies.

No my doctor didn’t refer me for tests in the end… Because I told him I’d been ttc for about 6 months and he told me I was too focused on it and he was convinced I would conceive naturally again… So he told me to ttc for two more months and if 8 still wasn’t pregnant then he would refer me. So I went away and later found out I was actually pregnant at that doc appointment.

I had thought mayb sonething was wrong with me because both other times I fell pregnant straight away but this 3rd time took 6/7 months. I’m glad now it took longer cause ur body gets to have a rest from being pregnant and back to normal again cause as u know after what you have been and are still going through ur hormones are all over the place and it does take time for you to heal.

I hope ur GP will refer you when you are ready for it… My hospital said I would of had to of had 3 miscarriages /ectopic pregnancies before they would of done testing. But my doc would of referred me after the first two if I hadn’t got pregnant for the 3rd time…

Oh I see… So ur miscarriage is already happening… So it sounds like you don’t need the tablets then. I’m really sorry you are going through all this… I know how horrible it is…

I know what you mean… You want it over with.

With me for my first miscarriage I was spotting for 6 days until I finally got my scan and I was booked in for the D & C opp two days later but that night wen I went home I started bleeding n clotting n was in do much pain for about 5 hours… Then it calmed down and wen I finally went to the hospital for my opp appointment I was in agony so after the opp I was just glad the pain stopped. I think everyone is different how it affects them coz I went from spotting to be in agony… So I wanted the opp to stop it. Coz the hospital told me a miscarriage can take up to two weeks to finish on its own and I was too scared to take the tablets. But you have to do what is right for you.

I really hope this is over for you very soon do like you said you and ur boyfriend can deal with it and grieve n and heal.

I hope your pains don’t get any worse than they are.

I do remember with my ectopic/miscarriage even though it was painful… I didn’t bleed as much on it as my first miscarriage and I didn’t have an opportunity or take Med… It just came out of me on its own.

Yes of course it’s really scary to try again… I was exactly the same. It takes bravery to try again the second time and then it gets harder to try again a 3rd time. But to be honest with me knowing I was going to try again a 3rd time even though I was scared… It gave me sonething to focus on so it helped me with my grieving cause you can’t give up on something you want do bad and you just have to try believe you will get your happy ending… That’s what I did when I was trying I would pray often and say positive affirmations. I still feel sad about my two babies I lost… Il never forget them. On their would of been due dates and now birthdays me n my bf say a prayer for them and light a candle together. But having ur own baby in ur arms helps make that pain and loss a bit easier and your so busy you don’t get much time to think about the babies you lost… But of course you never forget them.

My twin sister brought my daughter a rainbow Teddy bear for her first birthday. Which I love cause it represents that she is a rainbow baby.

Anyway before you think of trying again you need to get through what you are going through now… One step at a time. But you will get there and I’m sure you too will get ur rainbow baby.

I hope ur resting and getting support from ur bf.

Sorry my reply is super long… I just hope it can help you.

I hope you are going to be OK… And im sure you will be in time. Il pray for you to be OK n to get your happy ending too.

Princess Pink x x

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Hi Princess Pink,

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me just knowing there’s a person out there somewhere who is reading my messages and replying is so lovely and supportive. Sorry it’s taken me a while to reply back it’s been a horrible week.

I did go back to the hospital and ask for the medication we was at the hospital for 7 hours in total I think with it being a Saturday they had fewer staff on the doctor did apologise for the wait but it’s just one of them things isn’t it. They also did a blood test then told me my blood group is A Negative which meant I had to have an injection the nurse gave me a leaflet about why I was having the injection and I’ve read about it since but I still don’t understand it I think it’s really confusing.

So I swallowed the 4 tablets at home and after about 3 hours they made me vomit and have diarrhoea then the stomach cramps started I just took some pain relief tablets and went to bed.

The following week was just normal bleeding like a period and I thought it was over…I was very wrong. Friday and Saturday night just gone the miscarriage ‘properly’ happened. The pain was unlike anything I have ever experienced or felt it was probably the worst pain I’ve had in my life so far. The pain was coming in waves I’d have really intense pain for about 30 seconds then a few minutes with no pain then I remembered what the doctor said about the tablets will make my uterus contract and squeeze the contents of my uterus out so I was having contractions. That made me sad because normally there would be a baby at the end of it but for me there was just blood.

The pain relief the hospital gave me didn’t even touch the pain, the blood loss was scary it was so much plus clots. The hospital said it would be like a heavy period but this was much worse (sorry for being graphic but before my miscarriage I tried to read online about what would actually happen and couldn’t find anything so if there’s someone who reads this in the future it could help them) this lasted for a few hours Friday night then I was ok Saturday day then it all happened again on the Saturday night.

It’s Monday now and the bleeding seems to be getting lighter so I’m just hoping the worst is over now.

When I feel strong enough I’m going to go the doctors and see if he will refer me for tests before we start trying again. I’m scared it will happen again and with one Ectopic and one miscarriage already I’m drained and don’t know if I can go through all of this again.

Thank you for reading this! :smiley:

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Hi Sunshinewalk 88, it’s OK I wasn’t expecting you to reply for a long while with all ur going through.

It’s OK, I know how horrible n lonely it is what ur going through so I’m happy to help in any way I can. I know having support on thus forum really helped me.

I use to talk to friends n family n my bf wen I could but I found Ladies on here who had experienced similar situations as myself I could relate to easier. I know how easy it is to isolate ur self when ur suffering so much so it’s good to be able to talk to others who understand n will listen to you.

I’m so sorry for all ur going through. I hoped you would not still need the tablets. It sounds so painful n upsetting what ur going through n I really hope it is over really soon.

As I told u I never had the tablets but for my first miscarriage at 11 wks before I had the operation n was miscarring at home I remember how bad the pain was n all the blood n clots n I remember getting my bf to help me to the bathroom coz I couldn’t walk n I remember rocking back n forth on my bed n feeling like I was going to pass out from the pain… Like you feel like ur dying is only way to describe it. I remember thinking this Has to be worse than child birth coz of the fear along with the pain. It’s do unfair so I really am so so sorry for all your going through.

Il pray for you to heal soon n be OK. Please take it easy as u are healing n go docs if u have any concerns. Take ur time re trying again coz u need to take it day by day.

Ur a strong lady n it’s so unfair what ul going through but u will get through this n wen the time is right u and ur bf can try again… There’s no rush. I really believe ul get ur rainbow baby wen the time is right. I know it’s scary but that’s why do it all step by step n they’ll give u early scans…

Il be here to support u for as long as u need me too.

I’m sending you hugs n healing prayers.

X x x

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I forget to say that I am sorry you had to have an injection as well… I don’t know much about the reason you had to have it but I’m thinking it’s coz ur blood type is rare… X x