I had a left side ectopic in January this year that was treated with MTX and I kept my tube.
I then suffered a suspected ectopic that turned out to be a miscarriage in June.
Im now pregnant again and although I know I should call them- Im just too scared to go back there and face the whole journey again.
Im only about 4+2 but I already had some brown spotting before my period was due and pain on my left side that comes and goes.
The staff at my EPAU are wonderful but I just cant face the bloodtests, the bad news, the painful scans…I just cant face it. Im certain this pregnancy is ectopic again. I just want it to be over, im severely depressed after the heartache this year.
I just cant shake the feeling of hopelessness. Its effecting me emotionally more than anything.
I completely understand how you feel. It is an awful time with the fear of the unknown and every twinge and pain, reminding us of our past experiences. I can honestly say that your feelings are completely normal. I am so sorry you are having to go through this but I cannot stress enough how important it is that you book in for your scan or seek urgent medical advice with any unusual bleeding or abdominal pain.
We will be here for you every step of the way, if that is what you wish.
I am sending you much love, warm hugs and positive thoughts,
Karen x
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Thank you for the reply, sometimes I feel really embarassed by the way I dealt with my ectopic, Im still not over it at all and not really emotionally strong enough to handle another pregnancy but I dont want the age gap between two children to get any bigger if I can help it.
We are going to call tomorrow and face the blood tests from there. I feel I already know the outcome. I feel really bitter towards pregnancy and wish I didnt have to go through it at all.
It saddens me to hear that you feel embarrassed over the way you dealt with your ectopic pregnancy. There is no right way to deal with such a traumatic event and you have been through so much in such a short space of time.
My ectopic pregnancy was 7years ago now and I still vividly remember bursting into tears in the consulting room and being led out by a nurse who just didn’t know what to say or do as I was that distraught. I remember the hollow, empty feeling I had, and I wasn’t as brave as you, I had this numb, emptiness for 2years before I contacted the Trust on these forums for support.
Here I read other posts and found that my feelings were completely normal. However as I still hadn’t come to terms with my loss 2years later, I was advised to seek counselling, which I did.
During the counselling I learnt that it is completely normal to feel anxious about the future. We will never forget our pregnancy or babies but we can learn to accept what has happened and crucially understand that it wasn’t our fault.
You have been so brave speaking out about how you are feeling. I will be thinking of you as you await your blood results. We are all here for you,
Much love,
Karen x
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?
Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.
I feel so lonely sometimes as its like everyone is getting on with life while mine feels like it has stopped. I just wish I could take all my emotion over my ectopic and just leave it somewhere so I dont have to carry it around anymore.
I still didnt call the EPAU…Im planning to call them on thursday when I get to 5 weeks, so they can at least see something on a scan or I may have started bleeding and I can prepare myself for bad news.
Is it normal that I think its more bareable if I just wait for my tube to rupture? Because I dont think I can stand that awful phone call to be told hcg is not doubling…nothing on scan… and wishing away yet another pregnancy- my third this year as I miscarried in June and was in and out of the epau having bloodtests, I cant bare it.
I also feel like I dont want to be there as my close friend is due to have her baby there any day now, we were pregnant together in jan and now shes awaiting the birth of her healthy baby and Im still in pieces over losing mine the way I did…
I really wish I could take all of this worry away for you, I really am so sorry you have to go through all of this.
I know how scary the unknown is but I really must stress that you call the EPU, especially if you are having pain and/or bleeding. Waiting for rupture really isn’t an option as it can be life threatening to you.
Do you have support, someone who can be with you when you call up?
I also know how difficult it is being around friend who are pregnant or have babies, This is very normal and I was the same after my loss. When I had my ectopic pregnancy I had to attend a family function and a close family member was heavily pregnant. I spent the whole day and evening avoiding her as I found it too hard to be near her. It’s what I needed to do to get through the day and have some space and please protect your heart in whatever way you need. This does not make us “bad” people and it is possible to be happy for those around us while grieving for our own loss. Pregnancies and babies can be a very stark reminder of what could have been and it can be painful. Please do be gentle with yourself and you can talk to us whenever you need.
Please do call the EPU, we will be here for you in anyway we can,
Sending warm hugs,
Karen x
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?
Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.
Congratulations! I am so happy for you. Thanks for giving us hope. I had a miscarriage in March 2017 followed by ectopic in July 2017 treated with MTX. We haven’t had the courage to try again since as I am too scared to go through such hard times again. Reading your story has given me hope. I hope you have a successful pregnancy and a healthy baby.
Thank you so much, I know how you feel exactly, its such a rollercoaster of horrible emotion, I suffered a miscarriage in july after my ectopic and had to go through all pain and worry again.
Yes the pain was in my ectopic side (left) i was treated with two doeses of mtx in February. It eas a very similar pain I felt sure it was in my tube. But ive seen lots of accounts on here of ladies going in for early scans with pain and everything being as it should be. I didnt think I would be a lucky one though
Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.
