Finally had the courage to post...

walker_sophie · 9 February 2021 13:59

Hello, firstly I’d like to say thank you to every single one of you who have posted/commented in this group, I can’t believe how much it has reassured after feeling so alone and scared to open up.

I hope it’s okay to share my story here and putting it down on paper helps me.

My partner and I were worried our contraception failed (condom) so I took the morning after pill straight away as I am 25 years old and I am at the start of my 2 year career as a primary school teacher so I wasn’t ready.

Anyway, I didn’t come on my period so took a pregnancy test just to make sure. I was completely shocked when it was positive and had so many mixed emotions. I waited another few days and took another one. 4 pregnancy tests later still pregnant. I then arrived at work to start the school day when I started to bleed heavily. I had severe shoulder pain a week or so before but I assumed it was my anxiety as I had no idea that shoulder pain was a symptom of an ectopic.

I went to A&E where I was told it was a something called a blighted ovum. On the scan there was a sac but nothing in it. My HCG levels still said I was pregnant. I was sent home with incredible pain and sever bleeding. 48 hours later they took my blood again and my HCG levels had stayed pretty much the same. After rescanning me they found the ectopic and then I was rushed to emergency surgery to remove my right Fallopian tube.

2 and a bit weeks later I am starting to process things now. My cuts are starting to heal and I have found the courage to seek help.

I have a mixture of emotions one of them being guilt as I took the morning after pill to prevent a pregnancy and then this happened. I feel like I deserved it.

I also have so many worries about the future and my fertility now I only have one tube.

It was also recommend by my doctor that I have the copper coil fitted on Thursday to prevent another pregnancy so soon (I have tried 6 different contraception methods, pill, injection, mirena coil and all disagreed with me). Is this a good idea?

Ok, so that is the first time I have actually put this all down and I’m sorry for the super lengthy post.

I hope this post is okay.

Thank you and I hope all of you amazing ladies are okay. Xx

EPT_Host_20 · 9 February 2021 19:43

Dear Sophie,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss. From your one words, I can imagine how frightening this has been and I am sorry you have had to go through this.

When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.

It is normal to feel anxious about the future. We experience a mix of emotions from wanting to try again to being petrified of what may lie ahead. We never forget but we can learn to accept what happened. It is a slow process that might be weeks or months ahead. In time, we can get to a place where we feel comfortable trying again. When this is, is individual for each person. There is no timeframe for recovery, take each day as it comes.

Importantly early scans avail. As soon as you know you are pregnant, contact your local EPU to inform them and book in for an early scan at around six weeks. Remind them of your previous ectopic pregnancy. This self refer route is the best route in our view. Hopefully you will have some comfort to know you are under the radar of medical professionals right away.

The chances of a further ectopic after a first in UK is 10%. So that’s 90% chance of the embryo being in right place next time.

While generally it is possible to conceive after an ectopic pregnancy, the amount of time it takes varies from couple to couple. Factors include age, general health, reproductive health and how often you have sex, among other things. It may be comforting to know that 65% of women are successfully pregnant within 18 months of experiencing an ectopic pregnancy and some studies suggest this rises to around 85% after two years.

Generally, when a person has only one fallopian tube and both ovaries, they are still able to get pregnant from an egg at the opposite ovary as an egg from one ovary can travel down the tube on the other side. The fallopian tubes are not attached to the ovaries and, at the point of ovulation, some very delicate structures called the fimbriae begin to move gently creating a slight vacuum to suck the egg toward the end of the tube it is nearest to (like lots of little fingers waving and drawing the egg towards it). So, if you have only one tube then there is only one set of receptors working and one set of fimbriae creating a vacuum and so the egg is much more likely to find its way to that tube, whichever ovary it is produced from. Conservative estimates suggest that an egg produced on the tubeless side manages to descend the remaining tube around 15 to 20% of the time.

Making the decision to begin trying to conceive is an emotional rollercoaster compounded by our sad loss. Again, you are not alone. We here emotional support whenever you need us. There is a specific Preparing for your Next Pregnancy board you can look at too whenever feel ready.

Unfortunately I am not medically trained so cannot give you specific advice on contraception, I would be guided by your GP or family planning team. We have more information on contraception here, under The title Contraception

https://ectopic.org.uk/patients/your-bo … pregnancy/

I know that when I had my ectopic pregnancy I also looked for a reason and almost automatically we tend to blame ourselves. From the bottom of my heart, there is nothing you could have done to prevent the ectopic pregnancy from happening. You did not cause and definitely did not deserve it. I cannot emphasise enough - you are not to blame. Please be kind to yourself and I send you gentle hugs. x

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards

During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?

Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653

Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team

walker_sophie · 9 February 2021 20:22

Thank you so much for your reply. That was nice to read in a strange way as it is such a difficult time but just reading something from someone who can see the positives and flip your mindset is what I needed.

I don’t know if this is weird but I feel like I was almost too young for this happen to me and I wasn’t prepared or mature enough to deal with this. It still scares me now and I can’t decide whether I am beginning to deal with it or whether I am just trying to convince myself that I am okay. Sounds confusing but that is how I feel. I keep beating myself up for thinking negative thoughts.

Thanks

Sophie xx

hgibbons22 · 11 February 2021 09:26

Hi Sophie and Karen,

I’ve just read this thread of posts and wanted to get in touch. I’m so sorry Sophie to hear your story and for your loss, it sounds so scary and it’s such a lot to get your head around. I’m sending you such huge hugs.

I’m two weeks to the day since I received surgery to remove my ectopic pregnancy, and I’ve woken up feeling quite teary and sad about it all. I had a few low days immediately after, but I think because my body has made good progress with its healing, it’s like my mind now has the space to actually process and absorb everything that happened.

We’d been trying for a baby for about 3 months, and found out we were pregnant at the start of January this year. It felt like the most amazing news, and we really couldn’t believe it. But after a small bleed and a lot of blood tests and scans later, we found out it was an ectopic and I was admitted for emergency surgery. My HCG levels kept rising, and I’d had no other symptoms so my body was still successfully growing our little bean. I feel so sad when I think about that, and how sad it was that we needed to remove such a healthy little pregnancy. It scares me too just how awful it could have been, and that if I didn’t have the bleed to flag something up, we might never have contacted the EPU. I still to this day don’t really know if the bleed was related to the ectopic at all.

I think I struggle to get my head around how quickly it all happened, and I found it really hard going through it all without my husband due to Covid. It felt so scary just playing the waiting game in the hospital (they’d put me down for emergency surgery, but other admissions with higher priority kept going ahead) as I really had no idea when the surgery would happen. I found trying to process everything that was happening without someone there really hard. Luckily the nurses and doctors were incredible which made it much more bearable. I don’t think I realised how quickly you can become attached to your pregnancy when you’ve found out it’s there, and I really struggled with feeling empty and not having that purpose or focus anymore. It also felt that the more I healed, the more I was leaving that chapter behind, which made me feel both sad but relieved. Sad because it made losing the baby seem more real, but relieved because I was finally starting to feel better in my body. Such a bizarre mix of emotions!

Something that I’m realising now thought is that all the emotions and thoughts you feel are normal, and part of your journey. It seems to affect everyone so differently, but it’s really comforting to know you’re not alone on here and we can all relate and understand. I have worries about what will happen in the future, but for now we’re just concentrating on getting through this. The statistics in your post Karen are so helpful, and really comforting to know. It makes you feel like there is still a bit of hope there.

Sending so much love to anyone going through this, and a huge thank you to the EPT for these forums. They really are so helpful. Xx

EPT_Host_20 · 14 February 2021 18:42

Dear hgibbons,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss, we will be here for you for as long as you need.

Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy is a huge ordeal and you are in the early stages of recovery. Your body needs time to heal from your surgery which is in itself a gruelling task. You have also had to process the loss of your baby and been through an immense rollercoaster of emotions - all of this will take time to come to terms with. As you say, you feelings are completely normal.

You should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body’s signals and pain and feeling tired are your body’s signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.

Above all be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally.

Sending much love,