Hello All
I’ve been on and off these boards since my EP in 2006, I’ve gone through 2 rounds of ICSI, one failed and the second miscarried twins at 9 weeks so today after 5 years I have a new experience - a due date that isn’t.
My twins would have been born today, I saw them on the scan, hearbeats at any rate, and have their little picture still. I’ve never had that before so somehow it made it easier when the rough time came, I’ve tried not thinking about it and was doing pretty well until diary dates for meetings and calls at work kept throwing the date at me unexpectedly. And now here I am at 1:30am talking to you folks, crying my eyes out at the sadness and injustice of it all.
I know there are far worse things happening in the world right now and I’m not usually one for crying in the middle of the night but I’m just so sad and I feel like no one else really gets it. I’m trying so hard to hold it together as I don’t think anyone wants to talk or hear about it, it makes people uncomfortable as they don’t understand how I feel, not like you ladies on here who know exactly how I feel. I do want to move on from this but I don’t know how, we have frosties ready to go but I’m scared to do it again as I don’t think I could cope with another loss but the longer I leave it the worse the fear gets.
Anyway I did not intend this to be a long post, all I wanted was to tell someone how very very sad I am that I won’t be a mummy today. Thanks for reading if you got this far
Take Care everyone
Michelle
its so hard around due dates and especially when others perhaps dont think about it in the same way
Sending you cyber hugs and a box of cyber tissues! There is nothing wrong in grieving for what happened, I believe that its best to do that
Just wanted to say I totally get it
Hugs
LisaKaz x
Sending ((hugs)) hunny. Here we all know exactly where you are coming from xxx
Claire x
I’m sorry Michelle.
I dreaded the due date for my miscarriage so much I completely refused to look up the due date for my last pg, the ectopic one (although ended up getting a rough date anyway). It sucks. Can you go away with your DP or even with your family somewhere to try and escape for a bit?
Hi Michelle. You don’t know me but I’ve read a lot about you. Firstly, I’d really like to make some sort of agreement with all the women on these boards. We know that there have been some terrible things happening in the world lately. But that shouldn’t detract from any of our losses. I’m a bit fed up with people saying to me that it could be worse because… We all feel for those suffering in Japan, those who lost their properties in New Zealand, etc. This is probably going to sound selfish but our losses are real and valid, despite what’s going on in the rest of the world. I donated to a Japanese charity today but my heart lies with pregnancy losses and I’m always going to donate more to the EPT.
So feel as bad as you need to on your due date. Sod what people feel. My due date is Christmas Day and I’ll be damned if I’m going to put on a brave face to protect other people’s feelings I’m all for making people feel bad if it’s going to promote understanding of eps and m/cs. If it’s any consolation, it really does get easier after the first year of anniversaries. I guess you know that though. Loads of luck with your frosties. xx
Michelle- I’ve found some solace in writing about my feelings, it’s amazing how keeping a blog or journal can help with the grief. Never feel like you need to justify your feelings because you don’t. I agree with bluetopaz completely on that. The world around us may be falling apart right now, but YOUR world has already been shattered and it’s okay to cry and feel bad for yourself. Or scream or curse or anything else that you need to feel some semblance of peace.