Just need to tell someone

Other Pregnancy and Baby Loss
1

Yesterday I was 17 weeks pregnant, today I am not.

I had strong regular contractions from 3.30 yesterday and my waters broke at 7pm, quickly afterwards I delivered my baby boy into my hand, the placenta delivered about 45mins later.

I had my baby at home alone whilst trying hard not to let my 8 year old son know what was happening.

I had a cornual ectopic 9years ago, 8 year old son, chemical pregnancy 6 years ago, a missed miscarriage a year ago followed quickly by another miscarriage at 6 weeks and now this.

I am in shock, I had felt my baby move, I’d heard his heartbeat and then Monday I started spotting with back ache and cramps, which Wednesday afternoon turned into contractions every 2-3 minutes until the pop of my waters went and then my baby.

Today I took a photo of my baby and tomorrow I will bury him in the garden as I feel I can’t treat him as I have the miscarriage tissue before, when he made it to 17 weeks and is a recognisable baby with little fingers and toes.

I honestly don’t know how to feel, I thought this baby would make it.

Thanks for reading x

2

Dear Nettie,

Tears are streaming down my cheeks as I read your post. I cannot tell you how sorry I am for the loss of your precious baby boy.

There are probably no words that could be said to ease your pain today, but I sending thoughts of love and healing your way. I admire your strength. May your garden forever be blessed by your angel.

Elizabeth

3

Elizabeth thank you for replying.

We hadn’t told many people as I wanted to get to my 20 week scan but I was just starting to get excited.

I think I was in shock, the next day I got up took my son to school and went to work as if everything was fine.

On Friday we buried him in the flower box under my window, and then I put my son to bed and for the first time cried, and now I don’t know how to stop xx

4

Oh nettie,

That has really touched me, my heart goes out to you.

I hope you have some close strong people near to you, so you can talk, and process the horrible feelings and tradegy.

You really have had some bad dealings with your hand of cards, I hope you find strength in your son, and can process your feelings.

Talking can help the healing process, I hope you can talk to someone.

Big hugs xxx

5

I wish I could give you a hug. I’ve thought of nothing but you and your baby since I read your post. I’m glad your tears started flowing, because I don’t think you could possibly keep moving from one day to the next if you didn’t mourn your loss. I can’t imagine the pain you are in.

I am keeping you and your baby and family in my thoughts constantly.

Big hugs to you.

Elizabeth

6

Thank you ladies for your kind words.

Today my milk has started to come in, I am beyond devastated :frowning:

7

I’m so sorry Nettie. :frowning:

Are you to see a doctor anytime soon? My doctor recently suggested a support group

8

Oops, that was posted before I had finished.

I have been so distressed about my ectopic, that I imagine being in your place and I don’t know how I could cope.

I feel so very sad for you.

May I ask, did you have a name for your son?

Still thinking of you constantly and sending you healing thoughts.

Elizabeth

9

Aww Elizabeth I remember my ectopic very clearly and it was a horrible time, I got pregnant very quickly after it with my son and it was a very distressing time as I tried to deal with my loss whilst being pregnant, I was a mass of mixed emotions.

I’ve being given leaflets about late miscarriage but no help really, tonight was hard as it was a week ago that I lost him and all my hopes and dreams with him.

Teddy, i had a few name choices and although we hadn’t picked one as we hadn’t really got to that stage, I know my boy was called teddy. I’ve ordered a little teddy statue to watch over him in my window box

Thank you Elizabeth, your thoughts and kind words have really helped xxx

10

What a wonderful name, and so lovely to add a teddy statue to watch over your little Teddy.

Even though he had such a very short stay, he was lucky to be given such a sweet mommy.

Thinking of you and sending love and strength.

Elizabeth

11

Thank you

How are you doing Elizabeth…I’m struggling to believe it really all happened and therefore I’m not grieving properly, but am impatient and angry.

I desperately want to try again but don’t think i have it in me to lose a baby again.

Take care ladies, thinking of you all xx

12

Nettie, there are no words that I can say to convey how sorry I am for your loss. Sending love and thoughts your way, I hope you are receiving the support you need and managing to cope as well as you can. Xxx

13

Oh Nettie,

I can imagine you are feeling very impatient to get right back on from where you were when you lost this little one. It’s almost like our brain plays a trick on us and we will somehow get back what we lost and we need to get to it quickly. I think it is part of the grieving process.

Since you have had one healthy baby and you are able to become pregnant, I’m sure there is another little one in your future.

I bought two pale blue candles and two crystal candle holders today. One for my little bean I lost on September 3rd and one for your little Teddy. I will light them both on the 15th.

I hope you are finding little ways of spoiling yourself here and there. You deserve special things for all you are going through right now.

Thinking of you,

Elizabeth

14

Oh Elizabeth thank you, that’s lovely xx

15

Hello Nettie,

I’ve been thinking about you.

How are you coping these days? I know you are surely still suffering, but I do hope the pain is lessening some.

Big hugs to you.

Elizabeth

16

Hi Elizabeth

Thank you for thinking of me, I’ve been ok recently but I’m dreading March as I know my due date will be difficult.

I try hard not to think oh I’d have 20 weeks 21 etc but it’s difficult.

How are you coping?

Xxx

17

Hi Nettie,

I’m glad to hear you are doing ok. I can imagine you would be dreading March :frowning:

I am doing much better. Time is allowing me to accept what happened. I was, of course only 6 and half weeks, though.

I’ve brought this up in another post in this forum, but I’m wondering, have you had your progesterone levels checked? Low progesterone was brought up to me by my doctor after my ectopic. I’ve since learned low progesterone is also linked to miscarriage and late miscarriage. If this might be what is causing your tragedies, it could be an easy fix in the future with just a prescription.

Hugs to you,

Elizabeth

18

Hi Nettie,

I’m glad to hear you are doing ok. I can imagine you would be dreading March :frowning:

I am doing much better. Time is allowing me to accept what happened. I was, of course only 6 and half weeks, though.

I’ve brought this up in another post in this forum, but I’m wondering, have you had your progesterone levels checked? Low progesterone was brought up to me by my doctor after my ectopic. I’ve since learned low progesterone is also linked to miscarriage and late miscarriage. If this might be what is causing your tragedies, it could be an easy fix in the future with just a prescription.

Hugs to you,

Elizabeth

19

I think a candle is a brilliant idea. My boss’s daughter made me a tea candle holder last Christmas. Next Tuesday I will light a lemon candle,1 week to the day since we discovered her little one was gone and I’m going to buy a little rose to remember my lost charge, now in heaven xx

20

Hello ladies, hope you are all doing well.

I am sat here with mixed emotions, I am pregnant, 5 weeks exactly…I didn’t plan it but then neither did I do anything to prevent it.

I want to be happy and hopeful, but I am cross with myself and am waiting for this pregnancy also to end, I have no expectations that it will do anything different and feel it is a waiting game to see at what stage I lose it…sorry I know that sounds pessimistic but I am now pregnant for the 7th time and with only one baby so far making it to term I am not overly optimistic xxx