Here for some support...hope that's ok.

Main Board
1

Hi everyone,

I’m new to this forum so please bare with me. Having a truly horrendous night tonight & I just wanted to tell someone that would understand, which is why I’m here.

Back in February of this year, I was diagnosed with a caesarean scar ectopic pregnancy. It took a gruelling 6 months of scans, appointments and Methotrexate to treat this and I am so grateful to the amazing Drs and nurses for saving my life and helping me to avoid a hysterectomy at 33.

I had only been with the baby’s father 6 months when I found out I was pregnant but because he had been one of my best friends for 7 years it didn’t phase me. I knew he loved me and I knew we would get through it.

Fast forward nearly 9 months and it’s a different story. The due date of my ectopic baby is approaching and it’s killing me inside. October 19th would have been my due date.

Not only have I lost my baby, I’ve lost the love of my life as we split in June after I discovered (and he confessed) to having an inappropriate text relationship with his best mates wife.

We kept in touch after we split and he promised me that we would go to the beach on 19th October and we would have a day for us to remember our penguin (the baby looked like a penguin on the scan) only a few weeks ago we fell out massively because I was so hurt by what he’d done to me that he blocked

My number and blocked me on everything so I have had no way to contact him.

I feel so alone. The due date is fast approaching and I can’t talk to anyone. My 2 best friends have just had babies and I work in a hospital so everyday I walk past the ward that treated me and I am reminded of what I’ve lost.

I’ve lost the love of my life and the baby and my heart is broken. How am I going to get through this due date alone? :frowning:

Sorry for the essay just needed to get this off my chest.

Tash x

2

Dear Tash,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss and for everything you have been through.

You are not alone, we are here for you.

I experienced my ectopic pregnancy 7 years ago and I still struggle with anniversary dates so your feelings are completely normal. There is no time frame for how long it takes us to heal emotionally and it is completely normal to feel anxious about the future. We will never forget our pregnancy or babies but we can learn to accept what has happened and crucially understand that it wasn’t our fault.

After a frightening ordeal like ectopic pregnancy, some women find that they suffer from Post Traumatic Stress and symptoms can include anxiety and not being able to focus on everyday things like work. There are a number of avenues that you could look into to get the help that you need.

We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. I understand how difficult it must be for you with your friends having just had babies so you feel you cannot access your support system.

We at the Trust operate a helpline service and there’s no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We’ll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for “talking therapies” or counselling. We have information on our website about finding counselling services.

The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

Your feelings are completely normal, it is such a difficult time and you feel you cannot speak to your friends so please continue to talk to us. We will be here for you for as long as you need.

Sending much love and warm hugs,

Karen x

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?

Further information is available at www.ectopic.org.uk

Email us at ept@ectopic.org.uk.

Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.