Hi. This is my first time posting here, although I used the website a lot when our ectopic first happened. It felt like we got through the trauma of our experience and we started to mend. However we’ve been TTC ever since and not been successful, and Friday just gone would have been our due date. I’ve felt completely floored by the due date anniversary, it’s knocked me for six. I’ve had to take a couple of days off work because I just feel so sad. I can’t stop thinking - I should have just given birth, we should have a newborn. I’m sure I’m not alone in this, but has anyone got any advice? Ordinarily with grief or bereavement I’d focus on the positive times and memories, but there aren’t any. Only the trauma of it happening. I don’t feel depressed, I just feel incredibly sad.
I feel your pain completely and im so so sorry this happened to you. I am currently approaching the due date for the baby I lost from my ecropic pregnancy in January.
The whole year has been terribly hard, especially seeing m two close friends having their babies and enjoying a pregnancy I should have been sharing with them.
I hope it starts getting easier for you xxx
Dear TillyBonk,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,
Anniversaries can be especially difficult to deal with as they can be a stark reminder of what could have been.
My ectopic pregnancy was 8 years ago now and I still feel very sad at the time of the anniversary of our loss.
Every year I buy myself a big bunch of flowers to remember my baby and at the time of my loss, I bought a charm for my charm bracelet for what would have been the birth month.
Your feelings are completely normal, do whatever you have to do to get through this difficult time. We all understand completely.
If the sad days start to outweigh the good ones however, it maybe worthwhile talking to your GP about talking therapies, we also have information about this on the website.
For now, take all the time you need to grieve.
Sending you warm hugs and much love,
Karen x
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hi TillyBonk
true sadness is how I feel too. though after my ectopic I did go through depression.
I am here for the first time as it is coming up to the 3rd anniversary of my due date, reminded by a strange dream last night. Last year the same thing happened. I feel the sadness, and think of it often, trying to accept it all. Some days better than others. my ectopic was treated via laroscopy and had one tube removed as a result. I fear if I will ever being able to conceive again…
Three years on I still remember vividly. The hardest thoughts of what could be during that first year, come back. It is lonely, and as sad as it all is please know that you will get better. Seeing friends or strangers with babies will hurt yes, especially in the beginning. There was a time I couldnt even look at a baby without crying. Now they bring me joy to look at, and I may shed a tear only because of the beauty and love they bring. You know that you were there too, you have that love in you too. It gets easier, but there are days, especially at the anniversaries where like Karen mentioned, will be time to reflect on them however is best for you, and make you stronger for it.
All the best and take care
Krissy x