Haven’t been on this in a few months… Felt like I was becoming a bit obsessed with the whole ordeal of ttc so took a step back… Things were okay for a while but to be honest I haven’t been great the last couple of weeks… Been feeling very anxious about not knowing how long this is all going to take. Last month I felt very positive about how much trying we had done all month… Then I got lower back pains, tender boobs, food aversions and felt like I was peeing more regularly… Felt very excited about it possibly being our month but low and behold af arrived and it just crushed me… Even though I don’t even really know what else to say I felt like posting and getting back in touch cos I need to remind myself I’m not on my own. I’m so disappointed and sad that this is who I’ve turned in to. Sorry for being so depressing. Just reaching out I suppose to ppl who I know will understand.
You are not alone, unfortunately for you and me and everyone else here we all go through this awful time. I wanted to reply to you to say that but also because your comment about being sad and disappointed about where you are and how you feel really struck a cord with me. We started ttc in November 2014 and caught straight away but then miscarried at 11 weeks in Feb, then in May we discovered another pregnancy but by early June it was treated as ectopic. The point is that without wanting to be I’ve spent the last 9 months obsessing about what was happening, will it happen,and then obviously the trauma when it goes wrong. I feel like I got lost in there. Suddenly this defines me and I feel sad that the innocence of getting pregnant and having a baby is lost for us. Of course there are good days but it’s the bad days that come out of nowhere that get you.
Sorry for the ramble, I suppose what I’m trying to say is I feel your pain and anxiety and fatigue with it all. Wishing you lots of good days ahead but here to talk when they aren’t.
It’s so hard isn’t it? I never thought I would be the sort of person who obsesses about it but it’s hard when your body is going through stuff all the time. Have just suffered mc after ectopic in April. Feels pretty hopeless at the moment but hopefully in a few days/ week I will feel more positive. X
I’m so sorry that you are going through another loss. It’s awful. As you know yourself there are no words that make it better. I hope the positivity returns for you and of course I wish you a speedy recovery and good news soon. We could all do with it.
Please take care of yourself and hopefully there are others who can look after you too just now. Sending you hugs. x
Thanks for your kind and empathic response. I’ve been so withdrawn lately and it’s good to be reminded that all you understand. I’ve been finding things really tough lately. I am really so sorry to hear that you’ve had such a tough few months… It’s just heart breaking. I know what you mean about it kind of taking over your life and defining you. I kind of think that as soon as we do have a successful pregnancy this will all just be like a bad dream and we will be ourselves again. You’re not long past your ectopic… How are you doing? Any plans to ttc again? xxx
Hi Tessbutterfly,
Thanks for your lovely response. This forum is such a godsend. I’ve great family and friends and I’m sure they understand in their own way but I still feel so on my own with this disappointment at times. This forum makes me feel like ppl truly understand and I’m not going through this on my own cos we are all going through it together… I’m sorry to hear you’ve had such an awful few months and I completely understand that things seem lousy at the moment. I hope you’ve plenty of supportive ppl around you and that you are being taken care of… Things will pick up for us all I know it and we will all have our happy ending. It’s just hard to have patience and faith in the mean time… xxx
Hi Ladies, your posts are déjà vu for me. In 2008 I suffered ectopic (treated with MTX) then after 6 months of trying had an intrauterine miscarriage. Then after that I got pregnant with my second daughter. You are right, as soon as I knew successful pregnancy I was happy again. Then fast forward to 2015. Decided to go for a third. Had intrauterine miscarriage in May and two weeks ago discovered a new pregnancy which was ectopic (right tube removed). I feel completely devastated and trying to learn from seven years ago that great things can then happen and to stay positive. I am normally an optimistic and outgoing person. Miscarriages and ectopics sap energy and enthusiasm from anyone. Give yourself time and most of all accept that the grieving is totally expected and not to berate yourself for it. Make step-wise plans for what to expect and when such as let’s try for three more months and then if no pregnancy, go to docs to ask for some additional tests I.e. HSG. Maybe having a plan will help you feel more in control xx
What a story… Im sure having your two girls is a wonderful thing and you must feel blessed to have them but you have been through so much. You’re story is an inspiring one and I admire your optimism and positivity. It is important to remember that you have been through these losses before and somehow still ended up with two girls. I’m sure it will happen for you again and I will keep everything crossed for you… You’ve had a really tough months lately by the sounds of it… How are u doing after your surgery? It’s still such early days xxx
Yes I must admit I yo-yo between the whole why me? , why did it happen again? Through to times where I feel more positive and accepting.
One of my wounds gaped open today after stitch fell out and things like that made me tearful- stark reminder of the whole thing.
How long have you been trying? After my first ectopic I tried for six months before getting pregnant then miscarrying. It felt like forever until I learnt to accept that six months is pretty average and many of my friends who have not suffered miscarriages have taken a couple of years to conceive. Still that month by month anticipation I know is just awful.
I’ve not got any plans or tests in place. I’m just going to keep trying and if I haven’t conceived by next March I’ll seek advice about it. I had my ectopic in March of this year and started ttc again in June. With one tube I’m not expecting it to happen overnight… But I’m hoping it won’t take too long. I can’t imagine having to wait a few years! It’s only been a few months since the ectopic and yet the grief still feels so fresh and raw. But in some ways it feels like years since it happened. Its so strange… I feel like I’ve been trying for ages and it’s only been a couple of months. I just hoped I would be one of the lucky ones that got pregnant again right away. But it doesn’t seem to be happening like I’d hoped. I’m having trouble being patient and having faith. I’ve just received a pack of ovulation test strips that I bought online so I’m hoping to give them a go this month to get a better idea of when we should be trying. I’m not even exactly sure when or how is best to use them… I’m planning on starting testing on CD10… I presume that would be okay… Have you any experience with using them?
Did you go back to your doctor today with your stitches? How are u feeling now? xxx
SJFT, I’m so sorry to hear what you have been going through. But thank you for taking the time to give us hope. I agree this whole experience has been energy sapping. I’m exhausted and definitely not ‘myself’ again although like everyone here I am getting on with daily life the waves of grief come along most unexpectedly.
Chrissie, I think you are spot on and in fact that is one of my coping strategies right now – thinking that in the future this will be a bad memory and the anguish felt now won’t be so raw. I’ve just had my 2nd AF and so I’m now counting the days until the 3rd one after which I will have been taking prenatals for 12 weeks again. We are both missing intimacy though (May was the last time! :shock: ) and it’s tricky because although we haven’t been able to have a successful pregnancy we have got pregnant easily both times. But we are going on a little break this weekend (a belated birthday treat for me) and so whilst we will be careful it will be good to regain our intimacy.
It’s so helpful to talk to you both (and Tessbutterfly). Although, we have had a lot of support from our family and friends having to explain feelings to others is exhausting; but everyone here gets it. It’s not a community I wish any of us were part of but I’m very grateful to be able to talk here.
SJFT, I hope your physical recovery is speedy and you get all the care and support you need. Please be good to yourself. And hopefully we’ll all be getting better news soon.
P.s. Chrissie, regarding opks. I used them one month but got annoyed with them (although I know many women find them very useful). I’d start testing before CD10 (especially if you have the cheap strips) at least for the first month of using them as you might find a surge earlier (although unlikely).
Hi Aric and Chrissie. I agree- it is a great therapy being able to ‘speak’ to each other on these forums.
I am feeling better thanks although still zero energy.
My hubby is great at being there to remind of our plans and positive thinking. The hardest part about all this is there being no guarantees in any way- all so random and unpredictable.
Regarding OPKs. I have found these quite useful- mainly as confirmation of ovulation (although I tend to get the twinges anyway). I have a 28 to 29 day cycle so start on day 10. My peak ovulation date has been as early as day 12 and as late as day 15.
Aric, hope you have a lovely weekend away… It’s important to have that. I sometimes feel like a completely different person. And even though I know my fiancé loves me and understands me, I still feel bad at times that I have become a different person than I used to be… Then we spend quality time together and I realise that everything is going to be okay… That quality time is so important especially after the last few months. I hope you really enjoy yourselves and let yer hair down xx
SJFT2015,
I’m 29. My partner is 34. It was our first pregnancy. Your partner sounds very supportive. I’m glad he tries to keep you positive… My guy does the same and although I don’t want to hear his positivity sometimes, I’m so grateful for him. He’s definitely the glass half full type whereas I’m the opposite How are you feeling now? How are the energy levels? I hope you have a lovely week away next week xx
Oh and to ye both, thanks for yer advice with the opks. I got some cheap test strips online. Don’t have a clue of my cycle so started using them yesterday on cd9… Got a faint positive line today but it was quite faint… Not sure if that means I’m coming up to ovulation or what… That ever happen ye?
Back to normality after a great weekend away. We indulged and it was really good to be us again. I hope it lasts but I really feel more positive now. Like you said Chrissie having time together makes such a difference. My husband is also very positive which is great, of course, but I can find it a little stressful at times (especially when we found out I was pregnant with the ectopic and I knew something was wrong straight away). Still I’d much rather have a good positive partner and I’m glad you both have that support.
Hope you’re both well. I’m looking forward to next month now and giving it a go again
Re: opks I have to admit I didn’t carry on with them (but still have a drawer full) I kept getting middling lines and so didn’t know if that was positive or not. My approach is to dtd every other day as soon as period ends!
BTW I’m 33 and my husband is 39 (we are trying for our first child).
xx
How are you feeling now? How are the energy levels? I hope you have a lovely week away next week xx