On 5th Sept. last year, at 12 weeks pregnant, and after several scans, I had surgery for our ectopic baby.
I am now almost 35 weeks pregnant- baby girl due date 5th October. We are very happy.
However, just lately, I feel sad about the anniversary of our baby loss, and a little anxious about going into hospital due to reminders of how I was sent away when I knew in my body something was wrong.
We didn’t know the sex of the ectopic baby, we didn’t get offered the remains so we could not have a funeral. We don’t have a memorial.
I feel the need to mark the anniversary with a memorial/ ceremony- something to help let go but also not forget, and commemorate, that to us, our baby was more than a hospital’s, “evacuated product of conception”.
I named the baby last year as felt it was a girl- but now we like the name so much we want our new baby to have the name- and seeing as we did not officially know the sex, I want to re-name the baby we lost, with my partner, in a ceremonial way, with a gender neutral name.
I don’t know what type of ceremony to do, in the absence of a traditional funeral- it feels there’s a void. No remains, no sight of baby for 12 weeks, people referring to it at the time as a miscarraige and giving well meaning ‘advice’ as to how to move on.
I feel the need to do this before our new baby is born. Does anyone have any ideas for memorial ceremonies?
I dont know what to advise as I feel completely the same. I feel lost and am extremely anxious about a stay in hospital after our surgery last 5th Sept too. They’ve said they cant offer counselling which is pathetic as I feel trauma from the events and am going to have to live them again when in hospital.Big hugs xxx
I’m having second thoughts about naming our forthcoming new baby with the same name I chose to remember the first baby we lost.
My husband wants to keep the name and won’t explore new ones. I didn’t think at the time not to choose it again but now the anniversary of the loss is near there’s dome unresolved grief, and I think I may have made a mistake choosing tge same name as feel it might be dishonouring the baby we lost. However I like the name.
I’m in a similar situation. My ectopic was 5th October last year where I had surgery to remove left tube and ‘remains’. I ended up paying for counselling as GP said could take up to a year on NHS. I’m currently 38 weeks pregnant so my due date is 1 week after ectopic anniversary. I have a 3 year old so will be looking after him on the day. I’ve asked a friend to meet me for a play date as I think being busy will be better than staying away from people. It’s really hard to know what to do as my 3 year old won’t understand me being upset. Plus my husband has just started a new job today so can’t ask for time off as we’ll need it for when the baby comes. I know what you mean when people offer advice thinking it’s the same as a miscarriage. I’ve not had a miscarriage so I cant compare. What I did back in November was ordered a little statue from test. It’s a mum holding a baby with angel wings and a man hugging the mum. I touch it whenever I feel sad which is a lot at the moment. Pregnancy hormones and the anniversary are not a good combination! I didn’t know the sex of my ectopic and it’s made me not find out the sex of upcoming baby too so names aren’t too much of an issue even though in the back of my head I had a list. Could you use the name you chose as a middle name? I can’t remember exactly what you decided (baby brain) ? Anyway I feel I know partly how you feel. I hope it goes well for you, Sylvia X