On 5th Sept. last year, at 12 weeks pregnant, and after several scans, I had surgery for our ectopic baby.
I am now almost 35 weeks pregnant- baby girl due date 5th October. We are very happy.
However, just lately, I feel sad now it’s the anniversary of our baby loss, and a little anxious about going into hospital due to reminders of how I was sent away when I knew in my body something was wrong.
We didn’t know the sex of the ectopic baby, we didn’t get offered the remains so we could not have a funeral. We don’t have a memorial.
I feel the need to mark the anniversary with a memorial/ ceremony- something to help let go but also not forget, and commemorate, that to us, our baby was more than a hospital’s, “evacuated product of conception”.
I named the baby last year as felt it was a girl- but now we like the name so much we want our new baby to have the name- and seeing as we did not officially know the sex, I want to re-name the baby we lost, with my partner, in a ceremonial way, with a gender neutral name.
I don’t know what type of ceremony to do, in the absence of a traditional funeral- it feels there’s a void. No remains, no sight of baby for 12 weeks, people referring to it at the time as a miscarraige and giving well meaning ‘advice’ as to how to move on.
I feel the need to do this before our new baby is born. Does anyone have any ideas for memorial ceremonies?